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Where I Belong
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All Grown Up Bruised
JesseI felt bitterness well up inside of me, but that was stupid. I knew right from the start that this wasn’t a forever sort of thing. Audrey would be going back to her dance academy, and I would be staying here. There were no surprises now. Still, it was eye-opening, being slapped in the face with the real truth of things like this.Audrey liked me. I had no doubt about that, but I could never have her the way that her dancing had her. There was no competition there.So there was something sad about watching her dance. It was as though with every motion she made, she was waving goodbye to me—to us. Of course, she wasn’t leaving yet. Her director had told her he wanted her to give it six months before she went back to dancing the way that she had been.At the same time, the reality of it was suddenly all too there. Audrey and I were already saying goodbye in each moment we spent with one another. It was a fact that she would one day leave again.She spun quickly in a circle until I
All Grown Up You Don't Understand
JesseA couple of her tears slipped free, falling in tracks down her cheeks. She didn’t look at me. “You don’t understand, Jesse. I can’t just stop dancing.”“I know you can’t,” I said, nodding. “I don’t fully understand because I don’t have something like dancing that keeps me going, but I know you well enough that I know how much this all means to you.” I paused. “But Audrey, if you want to keep dancing, you need to give this time to heal up. You know that. With the way this looks and judging by the fact that you can barely move it, I’d say it’s a pretty bad sprain. That’s not something that you want to mess around with.”Audrey sniffed. “I just feel so helpless,” she said. “Like there’s nothing that I can do to help it.”“Sure you can,” I said gently. “First, you need to stay off your feet as much as possible. And second of all, you should be icing this.”“I guess.” Audrey sighed. She ran a hand over her face, scrubbing away the tear tracks. Then, she gathered herself and tried to
All Grown Up Scared
AudreyI couldn’t believe that I had gone down like that. Well, I could. I knew the jump was risky to begin with. I knew that it would mean putting a lot of weight on my bad ankle all at once. But I had expected it to be more a problem of the muscles not wanting to hold me after a month of not really training in the way that I was used to. I knew that I was getting weaker every day. I hated that.So, I talked myself into doing the jump. I needed to push myself a little. The only way I was going to be able to go back to Paris was if I knew what I could and couldn’t do and if I managed to deal with the pain.There was no dealing with the pain that woke in my ankle as I landed on it.The move was similar to the one that I had done to mess it up in the first place. This time, thankfully, I didn’t roll my ankle, but it hurt even more than the first time had, and not just because it pulled at the tensor bandage that I had wrapped around my ankle for extra support.That extra support was pro
All Grown Up Throw It All Away
Audrey“Aren’t you working?” I asked, suddenly realizing that his lunch break was probably over by now.Jesse shrugged. “It’s a Friday afternoon,” he said. “I’m sure Joe can handle things. Chance has been doing a great job lately, too.”“Oh, okay,” I said, even though I still felt unsure.Jesse pulled the ice pack off my ankle and inspected it. “Looking better,” he said, nodding approvingly, but all I could see was the fact that it was still a purple mess down there. I winced, looking away. Jesse laughed. “Oh come on, you’ve seen worse than this. Remember that time I fell out of that pine tree and punched a hole in my arm?”I couldn’t help giggling at the memory of it. Of course, the sight of pine needles sticking out of his arm had been disgusting, but it was the way that he had marched inside while his dad had friends over for a Sunday afternoon football game and barbecue and held up his arm declaring that something was wrong. The faces on the adults, staring in disbelief at how cal
All Grown Up Can't Compete
AudreyI looked over at Jesse and grimaced, suddenly realizing that he was still standing there. He had heard all of that. I winced, looking down. “Sorry you had to hear that,” I said.I peeked up at him through my eyelashes. Jesse shook his head but didn’t say anything.“What are you thinking about?” I finally asked.Jesse sighed. “I had a realization when I was watching you dance, and I’m only getting more and more sure of it,” he said.“What realization?” I asked, frowning.At first, I didn’t think he was going to tell me, but finally, he shrugged. “There’s just no way that I can ever compete,” he said.I stared at him blankly. “Like, in a dance competition? You don’t strike me as the kind of guy who would want to compete in a dance competition.”Jesse gave me an exasperated look. “Not what I meant,” he said. “I don’t know how I could ever compete with dance. When it comes to your heart, dancing is always going to be more important to you. Important enough that you’re willing to br
All Grown Up It's All Over Now
Jesse I tried not to grit my teeth as I left Audrey at her mom’s house with her injured ankle. But her words kept ringing in my ears. Can’t we just enjoy the time we have? she had asked me. The question went around and around in my head.The thing was, I wished that I could say yes. That we could just have a little fun and not worry about any of the consequences of that fun. But the truth was, I liked Audrey. And the more time I spent with her, the more I was going to get attached to her, I was sure.It was easy enough for her to want to just enjoy the time that we had without worrying about putting a label on things or whatever else. But she wasn’t the one who would be left behind here in Aberdeen at the end of her six months’ stay. Once her ankle healed up, she was going to go right back to Paris, to her life there, and I would be left here with a giant ballerina-shaped hole in my life.But at the same time, I knew there was no way that I could tell her that it wasn’t okay for us
All Grown Up What He Deserves
AudreyI stared up at the ceiling unseeingly as my thoughts swirled chaotically around in my head. I couldn’t help feeling guilty for the way that I had snapped at Annabelle earlier when she had told me that I needed to take it easy and give my ankle a rest. The thing was, I knew that I needed to rest my ankle more. I was more frustrated than I could say about the way things had happened that day.It was like each time I thought my ankle was getting better, it somehow managed to get worse all over again. Like I was never going to get back to dancing.Not being able to dance, to have my life back, was starting to drive me crazy. I didn’t know how much longer I could stay couch-ridden. I didn’t want Mom or Clayton to have to drive me everywhere. I didn’t want to be sedentary.I knew that I needed to take things easy. But it was just so damned hard to do.But I felt more guilty for what I had said to Jesse. Can’t we just enjoy the time that we have?I knew that I was avoiding conversatio
All Grown Up Find A Hobby
AudreyI heard the front door open. Mom and Clayton were already in bed, so it must be Annabelle coming home after her shift at the bar. I hadn’t realized that it was already that late, but when I looked at my phone, I saw that it definitely was. I sighed and flopped back on my bed. It was late, yet I still felt ages away from sleep.Annabelle crept into the room, taking pains to stay quiet. I appreciated the effort, but I wasn’t asleep. And I knew that I needed to apologize to her for earlier. There was nothing that I could do about the Jesse thing at the moment, but at least I could try to take one weight off my mind for the evening.I sat up. “Hey,” I said quietly.“Hey,” Annabelle said in response, her tone frosty. That, in itself, told me just how hurt she was about what I had said earlier.I looked down at my duvet. “I’m sorry for earlier,” I apologized. “I know you’re just looking out for me. And I don’t want to make excuses, but I’m just frustrated about all of this. I want to
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