Almost Beloved

As I stared at the words in a daze, I heard Evelina Wrenwood's voice from inside the room.

"Yolanda, do you think Prince Alaric will return to the capital today?"

"You ask every day, Ms. Wrenwood. Surely His Highness will come back after all that thinking about him," Evelina's maid, Yolanda, replied with a laugh.

"Then I can give him the peaches! He said last time that the peaches from the southern duchies were the best."

Yolanda hesitated. "Ms. Wrenwood, these peaches were a gift from Prince Cassian."

"I know. His Highness won't mind that I gave them to Prince Alaric. He's always been generous."

The swarm of words appeared before my eyes again.

[That's hilarious! She's using the crown prince's gifts to impress someone else.]

[What, is that really appropriate? How can she act like that?]

[What's wrong with it? Evelina loves Prince Alaric, not Prince Cassian. If Prince Cassian insists on giving her gifts, that's his problem.]

I said nothing, turned around, and wrecked my chambers.

That night, I stayed up late reviewing state papers. Anthony, my personal attendant, hesitated several times before finally speaking.

"Your Highness, Ms. Wrenwood sent all the peaches to Prince Alaric's manor."

I set down my pen and pinched the bridge of my nose.

It wasn't as if I didn't know. Everyone at court was aware that Evelina loved my older brother, Alaric Ashbourne.

The year she was first brought to my side, custom required her to pay her respects to me. When she looked up from the foot of the steps, the first person she greeted wasn't me. It was Alaric, who stood beside me.

She would go to the city gates before dawn to wait for Alaric on the day he returned to the capital.

She would also choose the finest pieces of fabric I gave her, make clothes from them herself, and send them to his manor.

I never called her out on it because I only wanted her to be happy.

A Foxkin like her who could never return to her clan was trapped in the palace for life. What else could she wish for?

There was also nothing wrong with her loving someone.

I had never treated her well because I wanted something in return.

I did have feelings for her, but I never forced her to love me back. I felt sorry for her, and I believed she deserved to be cared for.

Even if she wanted to marry someone else in the future, I would let her go. I would even give her wedding gifts and send her off in style.

However, the words in my vision saw things differently. They appeared more and more often, mocking and blaming me.

Sometimes when I looked at those words, I felt lost.

I had never forced Evelina to repay my kindness. I never made her do anything against her will.

She could visit Alaric's manor whenever she wanted and give him whatever she wished. I had never stopped her.

Even when two boxes of rare delicacies arrived as royal gifts before the New Year, I gave one to my mother and the other to Evelina.

Evelina smiled and thanked me when she received it. Then she packed it up, saying Alaric had worked hard on the frontier and needed it to regain his strength.

I said nothing.

Looking back, I realized that every time she thanked me, there was always a "but" afterward.