CHAPTER NINE

AMY'S POV

The days after I returned home were my personal hell. I endured my mother's neglect for all of two days before I snapped. And it wasn't even my fault that I snapped.

Even a saint would have been tried living with my mother. The groceries Maddy bought for me ran out only two days later, and with no money from my waiting tables to cover it, she had to starve. I didn't know this until she came to my door and knocked like the house was on fire.

"Mom, what's the matter?" I asked dryly.

"You dare ask me what the matter is, you little b*tch! There's no food to eat in the fridge."

"Geez, Mom, what are we going to do? I guess you're going to have to go to work so you can eat." I said sarcastically, and I could tell that she was more than surprised that I had talked to her that way. Even I was surprised, and we both stared at each other.

I used the shock on her face and slammed the door closed in her face. If I was going to be rude to her, I might as well do it to the fullest. For a long time, I fantasized about calling my mother out on her bullshit, and I would imagine how good it would feel.

When I was thirteen years old, at the age when daughters would get particularly nasty and sassy to everyone, including their mothers, that teen rebel spirit showed up in me too.

I had seen another girl throw a tantrum over her mother getting her a shirt in the wrong color. She didn't stop until her mother stopped and apologized to her and also promised to get her a new one. It was after school, and I thought I could pull that off too.

It had been a particularly hot summer, and I had been craving a tub of ice cream. My mother was smoking as usual when I got home, and I remember just walking up to her. I threw my bag on the floor and whined loudly about wanting an ice cream.

She took one look at me and struck me with the open palm of her hand. I remember being too stunned to even cry. That was the first time she directly hit me. Before then, it was only pinches and painful ear pulls.

"You should be grateful at all that I'm taking care of you, you little creep. You think you deserve anything good in life? You think you deserve ice cream?" Her voice rose as she yelled all those questions at me. The questions led way to rants about how I had ruined her life and how I was the source of everything that was wrong in her life. She spat and blew smoke in her face, and I did not move an inch. I was too stunned to move.

"Go back to your room and don't let me see you outside until I say so." I ended up staying in my room for three days. Now that I'm older, I know that she forgot about me. She didn't let me out. I did, because she forgot about me.

It was that same summer that I started working in a corner shop where the owner was content to give me twelve dollars a week.

I was jolted back into the present by my mother's receding footsteps. She must have been stunned by my blowup at her. Even I was surprised, but I was not in the mood to care about her feelings.

I had been gone for a whole five days, and she didn't think to look or pretend to care about where I was. She only cared about what she would eat. I could have been dead in a ditch, for crying out loud, and she wouldn't care.

Except I was not in a ditch, I had lost my baby, and I was fighting for my life in a hospital. Maddy had said I had to catch a break at some point, but now I couldn't help but think that I never would. I must have offended the moon goddess in my past life or something for me to have this much bad karma in my life.

Why was it that I had lost my baby the same night that I decided I was okay with it? Again, something I wanted was snatched from under me. This was so unfair.

I had promised to stop crying about it, but it was just so hard. Why was this always happening to me? Maybe it was best to end it all? I shook my head and decided against that line of thought.

If there was anyone that this would be unfair to, it was not me. I had no use for my own life. It was Madeleine. She was the only one who cared about my life.

With that, I took a deep breath and waited for the dark thought to pass. Maddy was worth living for. With that, I showered with all the difficulty it required and fetched my cane. I tried to think only good things while I got dressed.

After taking thirty minutes to get dressed, something that would take me ten minutes, I was ready to go out. I walked all the way to Maddie's apartment. It was far, but I needed the walk. It helped clear my head.

Instead of letting myself into her house, I sat on her porch and waited for her to come back from work. She was with a tall guy when she eventually made it back home. It was very obvious that he was annoyed by my presence. Maybe he had been hoping to come in for a nightcap.

"Hi, Maddy. I was just around the neighborhood, and I thought I would see you." I said and made to go in case she wanted to be with the guy too.

"Nonsense, you must come in for a cup of tea. Jerry, I'll see you tomorrow at work." She said and collected her grocery bag from the guy. Jerry glared at me, and I hated myself for invading her private life. The worst part about all this was that she looked genuinely happy to see me.

"Are you sure you don't want to be with Jerry instead?" I said after he left.

"Nonsense. I can see him any other time. You really think I'm going to blow you off for some guy? This is actually good. I've been meaning to come see you, but it's been such a pain in the ass in the office."

"You saw me only three days ago." I said ashamed. "After you dropped me at the house. You know I never thanked you..."

She put up her hand in annoyance. "Amy Landon, what have I always told you?"

"I..."

"No mumbling, I want you to tell me what I've always told you."

"There's no thanks among friends." I said clearly.

"Exactly. That is the last I want to hear of it. You know you would have done the same for me." I would do more than that for her. She was the only person that I was staying alive for. I was holding on for her incase it does get better.

I wanted to ask her how much my hospital bills cost so I could pay her back, but that would only make her hate me more, but I was determined to pay her back someday.

I went back home with a lighter feeling in my chest. I wasn't worried that I was using a cane or that I might never see properly again.

All that changed when I reached home, and my mother threatened to send me out if I didn't pay the rent I owed her in three days.