Lacking

Adea

I walked through the hallway. My bare foot slapped against the floor while the other click-clacked as I walked. I’d lost the other one when he picked me up and threw me across the room. Finding it was the last thing on my mind. The servants avoided looking in my direction and those who were near me avoided my gaze. I’d learned a long time ago that no one was going to help me. I didn’t expect anything, not from my father and not from them.

No one said it, they didn’t have to. Parents were supposed to love and care for you, I knew that much. My nursemaid once told me that parents love in different ways. Some are affectionate and some just don’t know how to show that love. Even as a young girl I knew she was lying to me, I knew for a fact my father didn’t love me.

My father hated me, I knew that for sure. I didn’t have to do much to make him angry. I would say the wrong thing, look the wrong way, and he would hit me. He told me it was because I was supposed to have been born a boy. Because I was born a girl, I was lacking, I was useless. Because he had two daughters, he thought he was cursed. His mate had passed before she could give him a male heir. I turned eight today. Not that Dad would give me a break on the beatings or even remember my birthday.

My mother died when I was little. I couldn’t remember her and maybe that was for the best. At least this way I didn’t miss her. I couldn’t miss something I couldn’t even remember having.

I opened the door to my bedroom and a sharp inhale of breath pulled me from my thoughts. Vanessa has been by my side for as long as I could remember. Her eyes trailed down my body and widened with worry as she took in my appearance. She ran toward me and pulled me onto the edge of the bed, rushing over to my vanity.

“Now, don’t you worry.”

I watched as she pulled her box of medicines and herbs out. I wrinkled my nose at the smells I still couldn’t get accustomed to. She was a plump woman with coarse red hair and kind green eyes. Father’s hate towards me had grown over the last few months. My eye was swollen shut, my cheek tingled, and my lip was bleeding. My stomach hurt and I just wanted to sleep. But I knew if I tried to lay down Vanessa would scold me, telling me to sit up.

“I’ll have you good as new in no time,” she promised.

She tried to sound cheery but I could hear the tremor in her voice. I could see the way her fingers trembled. When she turned around to face me I knew her smile wasn’t genuine. She thought she could protect my feelings but it was when she behaved this way I was hurt. There was a look of guilt in her eyes and I didn’t want her to feel bad for me. She wasn’t the one that hurt me. I watched as she crossed the room and came back in front of my bed, my legs hanging off the edge.

“Nessa?” I asked.

“Yes, Adealine?” Vanessa asked as she lifted my chin up.

“You don’t have to be sad,” I whispered.

She dabbed at my cut lip while hers trembled. She didn’t say anything as tears pricked the corners of her eyes. I watched as she swiped them away before she started to work away on me. I stayed still, I didn’t hiss or fight as she took care of me. Vanessa was the closest thing I had to a mother.

“What happened today?” she asked. 

“I couldn’t remember his guest’s name,” I murmured. “Someone important from a nearby pack.”

She betrayed nothing as she caressed my hair in a soothing manner. Her facial expression was cool and poised but the look in her eyes gave her away. She helped me out of my clothes and I stared out of my window as she gently felt my ribs.

“All are accounted for, he didn’t break anything,” Vanessa said.

I heard what she didn’t say, it sat in the air between us. This time. He didn’t break any of my ribs this time. It didn’t matter what I did, Father was never happy with me.

It’s come to the point where I only see him during meals and when there are guests. I try my best to stay out of his way. Vanessa pulled down my dress and grabbed my small hand in hers. She smiled at me encouragingly as she squeezed and I did my best to smile back.

“I got you something,” she said before turning from me.

Vanessa always got me something on my birthday. Slowly, I leaned off the bed until I slid to my feet. She was at the vanity again, fumbling with something. Turning around, she held a small doll in the shape of a wolf. A smile stretched from one side of my face to the other. I reached out and she placed the little thing in my hands.

“He’s all yours,” Vanessa said.

Tears filled my eyes. I was at a loss for words. I was lucky to have her, I would have been so lonely without her. I wrapped my arms around her waist, leaning my head against her chest.

“Thank you,” I whispered.