20

“And you shouldn’t,” Harriet replies seriously. “Cedric will never hurt you. He’s not a cruel person.”

I don’t respond to that. I do believe that there is a very low chance of him physically harming me. But emotionally?

I’m scared of forming any kind of expectations when it comes to him. If I do and he then decides I’m not good enough for him, it will shatter me. There’s still a strange tension between us. He has contradicted everything he said to me in my first days here, so it is hard for me to trust him. Similarly, the people in this castle may have begun to warm up to me, but that doesn’t mean I trust them, either.

I’ve only ever known pain and suffering. Love and affection are strange concepts. A part of me is convinced that I am not worthy of them. I’m not supposed to be loved. I’m not good enough. I’m too scared to even consider it.

And it’s not as if Cedric goes around spouting out love confessions to me. He keeps turning up where I am and pushing me around, but not in a violent sort of way. He fusses over me and scolds me and growls at me. I’ve slowly become accustomed to his manner of speaking. When he talks to me, he’s more bark than bite.

I don’t know quite what to make of him. At night, he pulls me into his arms and holds me till I fall asleep to the beat of his heart. He will randomly take a lock of my hair and sniff it when he thinks I’m asleep. When I wake up, he’s wrapped around me so tight that I have to wake him up to let me go. He has started forcing me to have meals with him. It feels like he’s looking after me, but I can’t tell. When I got sick, did it scare him? Is that why he’s going out of his way for me?

Even if that is the case, why is he bothering?

I thought I was just a substitute. He said so. But he doesn’t treat me that way.

The castle’s decor is slowly being changed into a brighter one, one that I thought suited him. I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall and for him to tell me to stop wasting money, to remember my place, but he hasn’t said anything. His motivations worry me. My own reactions worry me.

I can’t seem to control my emotions around him. I have always tried to hold my tongue, to keep my thoughts to myself, but it’s nearly impossible when I’m around him. He provokes me in subtle ways, and I’m starting to believe that he enjoys my little outbursts. Or at least that he gets some satisfaction out of them.

He’s a strange man but brutally honest. I’m starting to realize that I prefer that.

A knock on the door startles me from my thoughts. “That must be Rothan.”

“I’ll go check.”

When Harriet opens the door, the person outside is not her son and my advisor, but somebody else.

Bella.

“Can I come in?” she asks begrudgingly. She doesn’t sound very happy, which makes me immediately tense up.

Harriet glances at me, and I nod.

Bella doesn’t look great. I haven’t seen her for quite a while. In fact, the last time I saw her was when Cedric was ordering my dresses. She looks a little haggard, as if she hasn’t slept for days.

“Do you have a minute, Your Majesty?”

It’s weird to have her speak to me in such a respectful tone. She has never hid her disdain for me before.

“Do you need something from me?” I ask slowly, wondering what she could be up to.

Cedric has already denied any relationship with Bella. Honestly, that took me by surprise. The way Bella spoke in our first meeting, and the ones after, strongly implied that she and Cedric were together and that I was the interloper.

“I have a favor to ask of you.”

I feel a little flabbergasted. What could she possibly want from me? I have no idea what she has been up to recently, nor have I inquired. After our last encounter, I have tried to stay as far away from her as possible. I didn’t think she’d actually come seeking me.

“Is everything alright?” I ask uncomfortably.

“I would like you to ask the king to reinstate my position as the royal advisor.”

My eyes widen, and Harriet hisses, “How dare you?! How shameless—”

I lift my hand, stopping her in mid-sentence. “He removed you from that position? Permanently?” I’m taken aback by that. “When?”

She doesn’t meet my gaze. “After the miscommunication with your designer.”

“Miscommunication!” Harriet’s face is growing red, and I have a feeling she’s seconds away from exploding. “You deliberately—”

“I made a mistake. I know I crossed a line. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t sound sorry,” Harriet retorts.

“Well, I am!” Bella snaps at her.

“Is that how your apologize for something?” Harriet demands.

“Harriet, please,” I say quietly.

Bella glares at the older woman before saying, her voice tense, “Things got out of hand. I should not have implied that Cedric and I were lovers. I grew up with him. I don’t see him in that way. Neither does he look at me in that manner. He was pretty angry that I manipulated you, and I’m sorry about that.”

“You’re sorry he found out, you mean?” I get to my feet. “You’re not sorry for what you did but that your plan didn’t work.”

She bristles. I can see that apologizing is not easy for her, but she’s still standing here, and that means something.

“Why did you come here now? If he fired you so long ago, shouldn’t you have been here sooner?”

Her eyes search the ceiling. “I worked hard as the royal advisor. I thought Cedric was just angry with me and would eventually give me back the position, but he says he won’t. I put a lot of blood and sweat into managing this castle and starting certain programs. I know I made a mistake, and I’m willing to apologize for it.”

“You do realize that if you become the royal advisor, you will be working for me. Not with me but under me. You will be answerable to me. You will have to respect me and my decisions.”

She doesn’t look very happy about it, but she nods. “I understand.”

Bella has a lot of knowledge about the castle that I don’t. Letting her back into her position might be helpful.

“No.”

She goes pale. “Excuse me?”

I study her, hardening myself. “I know having you in that position could be very beneficial, Bella, but you don’t like me, and I don’t trust you. I can’t work with somebody I don’t trust, especially one who’s looking to stab me in the back at any given moment. You haven’t given me any reason to trust you. I’m sorry, but I cannot ask the king to reinstate you.”

Harriet blinks at me and then tries to hide her smile.

“But I came here and apologized!” Bella protests.

“You don’t mean it, though. And if you ever got an opportunity to hurt me again, you would.”

Her silence speaks volumes, as does the guilt in her eyes.

“If I were to speak to the king, he might listen to me, or he might not, but the fact is that you will try to undermine my decisions, based on my experience with you. I won’t allow that. My job is to manage this castle and the local nearby villages. I’m trying to get some new programs off the ground. I don’t trust you not to sabotage them.”

It takes a lot of effort to stand up for myself like this, and I’m stunned that I’m managing to do so. I also know that the only reason this is possible is because my mate is currently guarding my back. The moment he chooses to revert to his previous behavior, I will once again be in the position I was before. This is why I’m trying to work so hard. Even if he changes his mind, if he thinks I’m useful, he might…