Where the Gaze Lingers

There was a flicker of awkwardness when our eyes met, an uncertain pause, the weight of unspoken things hanging between us, but it vanished almost instantly when Noah’s face broke into a broad smile. He crossed the room in two strides and wrapped me in a warm hug.

“Oh, I missed you so much, Elara,” he murmured against my hair, his voice slightly muffled.

I hadn’t expected that, not from him, not after everything. For a split second, I stood stiffly in his arms, caught off guard. But then that familiar scent hit me. The same cologne he used to wear. The way his arms always folded around me, like they remembered. And just like that, the hesitation melted. I hugged him back, my hands resting lightly on his back.

“I missed you, too, Noah,” I whispered as we pulled apart.

He kept his hands on my shoulders, eyes scanning my face with a softness I hadn’t seen in a long time. “How have you been?” I asked, my voice almost too quiet.

It was a simple question, but it carried a silent weight… I know. About you and Viv. And I don’t know how to say I’m sorry without making it worse.

Noah gave me a tight smile, the kind that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ve seen better days,” he said with a shrug, scratching the side of his nose, a nervous habit I remembered all too well.

He looked around the room, visibly unsettled. “So... I guess you heard, huh?”

I didn’t trust myself to say anything that wouldn’t make this mess more uncomfortable, so I just nodded: small, slow, careful.

“Aren’t you going to ask what happened?” Noah’s voice was soft, expectant.

I shrugged, trying to play it off. “Not really,” I said, shaking my head.

He looked at me, visibly surprised. “Why not?”

I let out a small, breathy laugh, one that barely masked the ache in my chest. “Because I’m afraid of the answer.” My voice dropped, raw and honest. “Whatever it is… if I knew the full truth, it would either build a wall between one of you in my heart, or worse… it would shatter the illusion of love I’ve been holding onto.”

Noah blinked, clearly taken aback. His expression softened, and he tilted his head slightly, studying me. “Wow,” he murmured. “So… I take it you’re still holding on to that illusion?”

"Yes," I said without hesitation. My voice was soft but unwavering. "I want to know what it feels like to be loved…truly loved. To be chosen. But just once… by one person. That’s all I’ve ever wanted." There was a brief silence between us, heavy but not awkward. Something unspoken lingered in the space… warm and bittersweet.

Then I heard it. A soft click. I turned instinctively. The bathroom door had just closed.

Lucian.

I had forgotten he was even in the room. The soft click of the washroom door jolted me back. Lucian had stepped inside, quietly, sometime during the conversation. My heart thudded. He’d heard that last part. My admission hung in the air like a thread still trembling.

Noah let out a quiet breath beside me. “That’s cute,” he said gently. “I hope you find it… soon.”

I turned to him. There was a small, genuine smile on his face, not the charming one he wore for everyone else, but something quieter, older.

“Ah, Elara,” he sighed, slinging an arm around my shoulders like he used to when we were kids, “I’m glad you feel that way.” His voice softened. “Love… It’s not what I thought it was.”

My chest tightened. His words should have stung, but all I felt was the weight of something that used to live inside me, slowly dissolving. Was there a part of me that ever hoped he’d choose me? That once Viv was out of the picture, maybe…?

No. I didn’t want to be someone’s second chance. I wanted to be someone’s first and only choice. Even if it was foolish. Even if it would never happen. I wanted that kind of love, not many, not scattered. Just once. Real. Lasting. Was it too much to ask?

Maybe.

But I was used to my dreams breaking.

I didn’t say anything. Neither did he, not at first. Then, breaking the silence, he asked:

“So, what happened in there?”

He gestured toward the closed washroom door and let his arm fall as he walked to the couch, sitting down with a casual sigh.

I blinked, trying to catch up. Oh, right. “I spilled hot coffee on him,” I said, anxiety creeping in again. “I think it actually burned him.”

I twisted my hands. “He didn’t say anything, but I could tell.” I glanced toward the door again, worry growing in my chest.

He chuckled softly, casual but warm. “It’s okay. I’m sure he’s fine.” Then he glanced back at me. “So, what are you up to, Elara?”

I offered a small smile, “Nothing new,” I said with a shrug. “Same old, same old.”

“Good,” he replied, flashing me that familiar grin. “Always did enjoy being around the old you.”

I smiled politely, but something about his words made my throat tighten. I didn’t know why I felt awkward. Maybe it was the years apart. Perhaps it was the way I kept glancing toward the washroom door, as if someone behind it could feel the shift in me.

“I’ve been meaning to visit you for a while now,” Noah continued, trying to hold the moment. “I hope you liked your birthday gift.”

“Oh God, yes!” I replied quickly, too quickly.

The perfume was still sealed in my drawer. I didn’t even know what it smelled like. But I smiled through the guilt. “It’s lovely. Thank you, Noah. You really didn’t have to.”

He waved it off, “I know. I just wanted to.” His voice softened.

“I kept thinking I’d come by, but… life’s been a bit of a wreck lately. I got so caught up, I didn’t get the chance. How was your birthday?”

“Awesome,” I said, the lie slipping too easily off my tongue.

He tilted his head, squinting slightly, trying to read me.

“That so?”

I didn’t answer. Just laughed lightly, and he joined in. Maybe we both knew the truth.

“Anyway,” he said, “I’m glad I caught you. I’ve been wanting to see you since I got back.”

“Are you staying with Mr. and Mrs. Whitmore?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation somewhere safer.

“Ah, no.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Living with Lucian, temporarily. I’ll be moving into my own place soon.”

As if summoned by his name, the washroom door clicked open. My head snapped toward it, and so did my breath.

Lucian stepped out.

His white dress shirt clung to him now, now damp with water from where I’d spilled the coffee earlier. The wet fabric traced along his chest and shoulder, revealing the faint contours of muscle beneath. He paused for a beat, eyes settling on mine. My gaze dropped to the stain, then quickly flicked away, heat crawling up my neck.

God, stop staring, Elara!

“You okay, man?” Noah asked, his voice cutting through the static.

Lucian’s eyes stayed on me for a moment longer before shifting to his brother. “Yes,” he said simply, tone cool. “What’s the point of your visit?”

“Ouch,” Noah said with a playful wince. “Can’t a brother visit his older brother at work?”

Lucian raised a brow, unimpressed. “We live together.”

“Temporarily,” Noah reminded, flashing a grin.

Lucian sighed, as if he were already exhausted. “God knows how much I hope so.”

That caught me off guard. A small laugh escaped me before I could stop it.

Lucian turned his gaze back to me, sharp and unreadable. The laugh died in my throat. I swallowed. His eyes lingered for just a second too long, and I wondered if he could hear my pulse racing in the silence. If he could tell that something in me had shifted, and that it had everything to do with him.

“Maybe you two can catch up outside?” Lucian said, his voice deceptively calm. “I need to get some work done. Now.” His eyes flicked between Noah and me, sharp and assessing, like we were a distraction he no longer had the patience for.

Noah chuckled as he stood. “That coffee really did burn you, huh? You’re in full bitter mode today.” His teasing tone tried to lighten the room, but the tension didn’t ease.

I glanced at Lucian. The worry twisted in my chest again. His shirt was still damp, and I knew neither of us had used the ointment I was still holding. I clutched the tube tighter in my hand, guilt simmering beneath my skin.

Lucian didn’t respond to Noah’s joke. His expression didn’t shift. “Noah, please leave.” Even though his voice was soft, it carried weight, that unmistakable authority that made people listen whether they wanted to or not.

Noah sighed, resigned. “Alright, alright. I’m going,” he said, brushing off invisible dust from his pants as he straightened. He turned to me with a smile, that easy, boyish grin that used to feel like home. “I won’t disturb you either.” Then he shot Lucian a glance, one laced with sarcasm. “Hey, how about we catch up after work tonight?”

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I looked at Lucian. I don’t know why. Maybe I was trying to gauge his reaction, or maybe I was searching for something I couldn’t name. But his gaze was already locked on me.

Bold. Unflinching. Possessive.

It pinned me in place.

There was something about the way Lucian looked at me lately, something intense and unraveling. His eyes didn’t just see me; they stripped me bare. And standing in that moment, under the weight of his stare, I felt a thousand things I didn’t dare to name.

Why did it feel like I was waiting for his permission?

He never asked me that. Not once. But maybe it was because of what he said to me four years ago… that warning to stay away from his brother. That memory burned at the edge of this moment like a fuse, short and dangerous.

“Elara?” Noah said again, a question now laced in his voice.

I blinked, realizing how long I’d stayed silent. My heart thundered in my chest. Panic surged.

“Sure,” I said quickly, too quickly. It slipped out before I could stop it. And as soon as I said it, I knew Lucian had heard more than just the word.

He’d heard the hesitation behind it.