Chapter 1: The life I know

At eighteen, Gwen had mastered the art of pretending she had her life together.

She had not.

Not even remotely.

But she looked like she did.

Every morning, she walked through the streets of New York City with her headphones in, her coffee in one hand, and a confidence she had spent years perfecting in the other.

The city was already awake before she was.

Taxi horns filled the streets.

People hurried past one another with phones pressed to their ears.

Street vendors shouted over the noise.

The smell of coffee, perfume, rain, and warm bread seemed to exist everywhere at once.

Gwen loved it.

She loved the chaos.

She loved the lights.

She loved the fact that there was always somewhere to go and something happening.

Most of all, she loved knowing that somewhere inside all that noise was her own little life.

Her mother.

Her two best friends.

Her school.

Her internship.

Her plans.

Her stupidly enormous crush.

Her future.

Everything felt exactly where it belonged.

At least, that was what Gwen believed.

“Gwen!”

She stopped walking.

Slowly, she turned around.

Haley was running toward her.

Her bag bounced against her hip, her hair flew wildly behind her, and one of her shoes was very clearly untied.

Gwen pulled one earbud from her ear.

“Why are you running?”

“Because you walk like you’re being chased by the police!”

“I’m walking normally.”

“No, you’re not.”

Haley finally caught up, breathing heavily.

Gwen looked down at her untied shoe.

“Your shoelace.”

Haley looked down.

“Oh.”

Gwen laughed.

“You ran half a block with your shoe like that.”

“I was trying to catch you.”

“Why?”

“Because you left without me!”

“You told me you were going to be late.”

“I changed my mind.”

“Clearly.”

Haley rolled her eyes.

“Whatever. Where’s Terra?”

“Probably sleeping.”

“Again?”

“Probably.”

Haley pulled out her phone.

“She’s going to fail senior year.”

“She says that every week.”

“And every week she somehow gets the highest grade.”

“Exactly.”

They started walking together.

Gwen slipped her earbud back in, but didn’t turn her music on.

She liked walking with Haley.

There were very few people in the world who could make her laugh before eight in the morning.

Haley was one of them.

Terra was another.

The three of them had been inseparable for years.

They had met in freshman year when Terra had accidentally thrown a basketball at Gwen’s face.

Haley had laughed so hard she fell off the bench.

Gwen had hated both of them for approximately twenty minutes.

Then somehow, they had become best friends.

Four years later, they were still together.

Senior year.

Their final year of high school.

Sometimes Gwen couldn’t believe it.

Soon, they would graduate.

Then college.

Jobs.

Apartments.

Relationships.

Real adulthood.

The thought was exciting.

And terrifying.

“Are you nervous?” Haley asked suddenly.

Gwen looked at her.

“About what?”

“Graduation.”

“A little.”

“Just a little?”

“Okay. A lot.”

“Thank you.”

Gwen smiled.

“I don’t know. It feels strange.”

“What does?”

“Knowing we’re almost done.”

Haley nodded.

“I know.”

For a moment, they walked quietly.

Then Haley grinned.

“But at least we’ll finally be free.”

“Free from what?”

“School.”

Gwen laughed.

“We’re going to college.”

“That is irrelevant.”

“How?”

“College doesn’t count.”

“Why?”

“Because there won’t be teachers telling us what to do every second.”

Gwen raised an eyebrow.

“That’s your definition of freedom?”

“Yes.”

“You’re going to get eaten alive.”

“I’ll survive.”

“You couldn’t survive three days without me last summer.”

“That was different.”

“You called me because you couldn’t figure out how to use your mother’s washing machine.”

Haley looked offended.

“It had too many buttons.”

“It had three.”

“Exactly. Too many.”

Gwen burst out laughing.

Their laughter blended into the morning noise.

Neither of them paid much attention to the people passing around them.

New York was like that.

Thousands of lives moving beside one another.

Everyone going somewhere.

Everyone carrying something.

Everyone living a story Gwen would never know.

By the time they reached school, Terra was waiting at the entrance.

She leaned against the brick wall, holding a coffee and scrolling through her phone.

“You two are late.”

Haley looked at her.

“We are exactly on time.”

“You are four minutes late.”

“That’s basically early.”

Terra sighed.

“Good morning, idiots.”

Gwen hugged her.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

Terra smiled despite herself.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not cheerful.”

“You are.”

“I’m really not.”

Haley took Terra’s coffee.

“Did you buy this for me?”

“No.”

“Thank you.”

“Give it back.”

Haley took a sip.

“No.”

Terra stared at her.

“You are the reason I have trust issues.”

“You’re welcome.”

Gwen shook her head.

“Both of you are insane.”

“And yet you love us.”

“Unfortunately.”

They laughed.

Gwen loved mornings like this.

Nothing important happening.

Nothing dramatic.

Just three girls standing outside school arguing over coffee.

It was ordinary.

And Gwen liked ordinary.

Gwen had always been considered beautiful.

She knew it.

Other people knew it.

But she had never allowed herself to become obsessed with it.

Her mother had taught her early that beauty was temporary and character was what people remembered.

Still, Gwen couldn’t deny that she enjoyed dressing up.

She loved fashion.

Not just clothes.

Fashion.

The textures.

The colors.

The way a simple piece could completely change someone’s presence.

She could spend hours looking through fashion magazines.

She followed designers online.

She watched runway shows late into the night.

She sketched clothing whenever she was bored.

Her bedroom walls were covered with photographs, sketches, fabric samples, and little ideas she had collected over the years.

Her dream was simple.

One day, she wanted to work in a major fashion house.

Not just as an assistant.

Not forever.

She wanted to become a designer.

She wanted to create something people would remember.

That was why her internship mattered so much.

She had spent months applying.

Most places rejected her.

Some didn’t respond.

One told her she was too young.

Another said they were looking for someone with more experience.

Then, finally, a fashion house in Manhattan had accepted her as an intern.

It wasn’t glamorous.

Not yet.

She spent most of her time organizing samples, delivering documents, fetching coffee, sorting fabrics, and doing whatever else the assistants didn’t want to do.

But Gwen didn’t care.

She was inside.

That was enough.

Her phone buzzed during lunch.

MOM: Don’t forget you’re coming straight home after school.

Gwen smiled.

She typed back.

GWEN: Why?

The response came almost immediately.

MOM: Because I said so.

Gwen laughed.

GWEN: That’s not a reason.

MOM: It is when you’re eighteen and still living under my roof.

GWEN: Abuse.

MOM: Dramatic.

GWEN: Love you too.

MOM: Love you. Dinner at seven.

Gwen put her phone down.

Haley leaned across the table.

“Your mother?”

“Yes.”

“What does she want?”

“Me home.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

Terra looked up.

“Maybe she’s finally planning to sell you.”

Gwen nodded seriously.

“Probably.”

“How much do you think you’ll go for?”

“At least fifty dollars.”

Haley looked offended.

“Only fifty?”

“I’m difficult.”

“Twenty.”

“Shut up.”

They laughed.

Then Haley suddenly went quiet.

Her eyes shifted past Gwen.

Gwen knew that look.

“No.”

Haley smiled.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You don’t have to.”

Terra looked over her shoulder.

“Oh.”

Gwen sighed.

“Please don’t.”

Haley leaned closer.

“She’s here.”

Gwen refused to turn around.

“Who?”

Haley’s smile widened.

“You know exactly who.”

Terra took a sip of her coffee.

“Han Ji-won.”

Gwen’s heart immediately betrayed her.

It skipped.

Just once.

But enough.

She stared very intently at her lunch.

“I don’t care.”

Haley nearly laughed.

“You’ve been waiting all morning to see her.”

“I have not.”

“You checked the hallway twice.”

“Because I was looking for my teacher.”

“Your teacher was in class.”

“Maybe she moved.”

Terra shook her head.

“You’re terrible at lying.”

Gwen finally looked up.

“Can both of you leave me alone?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

Gwen sighed.

Then, against her better judgment, she glanced toward the cafeteria entrance.

And there she was.

Han Ji-won.

The first thing Gwen always noticed about her was the way she carried herself.

Ji-won didn’t walk into a room looking for attention.

She simply walked in.

And attention found her.

She was tall.

Not impossibly tall, but enough that Gwen noticed.

Her dark hair fell just above her shoulders, slightly tousled in a way that somehow looked intentional.

She wore the school uniform differently from everyone else.

Her tie was slightly loose.

Her sleeves were rolled to her elbows.

A simple silver watch sat against her wrist.

There was something almost masculine about the way she dressed, but it didn’t take away from how undeniably beautiful she was.

If anything, it made her more striking.

She had sharp features, calm dark eyes, and an expression that rarely gave anything away.

Ji-won wasn’t loud.

She didn’t need to be.

There was something about her presence that made people move aside without being asked.

She was Korean.

An exchange student from Seoul.

And, according to practically everyone in school, ridiculously wealthy.

Her family owned businesses.

Hotels.

Properties.

Things Gwen didn’t fully understand.

There were even rumors that her family had some connection to Korean royalty.

Gwen had never cared about the money.

Well—

Maybe a tiny bit.

But mostly, she cared about the girl.

And the fact that she was gorgeous.

Painfully gorgeous.

“Stop staring,” Terra whispered.

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I’m looking.”

“At her.”

“So?”

Haley grinned.

“You like her.”

Gwen sighed.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Fine.”

She lowered her voice.

“I have a crush on her.”

Haley’s eyes widened.

“We finally got a confession!”

“Keep your voice down!”

Terra laughed.

“I’ve known for months.”

Gwen looked at her.

“How?”

“You look at her like she’s the last slice of pizza.”

Gwen covered her face.

“That’s disgusting.”

“It’s accurate.”

“I hate both of you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Unfortunately.”

Ji-won was talking to another student near the entrance.

Gwen tried not to look.

She failed.

Ji-won’s laugh caught her attention.

It wasn’t loud.

Just a low, quiet laugh.

Gwen looked up again.

Ji-won turned.

Their eyes met.

Gwen immediately forgot what she was doing.

Ji-won held her gaze for a second.

Then her lips curved into the faintest smile.

Gwen’s stomach flipped.

She looked down.

Haley grabbed her arm.

“Oh my God.”

“Don’t.”

“She smiled at you.”

“People smile.”

“Not like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like that.”

Terra shook her head.

“She’s gone.”

“Completely.”

Gwen pressed her palms against her cheeks.

“Can we please never discuss this again?”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“I’ll buy you lunch.”

“Deal.”

Gwen laughed.

She hated how easily her friends could read her.

She hated even more that they were usually right.

The rest of lunch passed quickly.

Gwen tried to focus on her friends.

She tried to focus on the conversation.

She tried to focus on anything except the fact that Ji-won was sitting several tables away.

It didn’t work.

At one point, Haley leaned toward her.

“She’s looking again.”

Gwen didn’t look.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re trying to make me look.”

“Correct.”

Gwen smiled.

“You’re evil.”

“Thank you.”

A few moments later, someone stopped beside their table.

Gwen looked up.

Ji-won.

Her heart nearly stopped.

“Hi.”

Her voice was calm.

Gwen suddenly forgot every word she’d ever learned.

“Hi.”

Ji-won held something between two fingers.

A black pen.

“Is this yours?”

Gwen stared.

Her favorite pen.

“Oh.”

She took it.

“Yes.”

“You dropped it earlier.”

“Thank you.”

Ji-won nodded.

“No problem.”

She started walking away.

Gwen watched her go.

Then realized she was still holding the pen.

Haley was staring at her.

Terra was staring at her.

Gwen stared back.

“What?”

Haley slowly smiled.

“You spoke to her.”

Gwen looked down at the pen.

“I think I need to lie down.”

Terra laughed.

“That went well.”

“Did it?”

“You didn’t faint.”

“That’s a low standard.”

After school, Gwen headed toward Manhattan for her internship.

The train was crowded.

She stood near the door, holding the overhead rail.

Her phone buzzed.

She looked down.

A message.

JI-WON: You forgot your pen again.

Gwen blinked.

She looked down at her hand.

The pen was there.

She smiled.

Then another message appeared.

JI-WON: Just kidding.

Gwen stared at the screen.

Then laughed.

She typed:

GWEN: That’s not funny.

Three dots appeared.

JI-WON: You smiled.

Gwen’s heart skipped.

She typed quickly.

GWEN: You can’t see me.

JI-WON: I can imagine it.

Gwen stared at the message.

Her cheeks warmed.

She typed.

GWEN: You’re annoying.

JI-WON: I know.

Gwen smiled.

She put her phone away.

Then immediately took it back out.

She stared at the conversation again.

There was something about Ji-won that Gwen couldn’t quite explain.

She wasn’t flirtatious.

Not exactly.

She didn’t throw compliments around.

She didn’t try to impress anyone.

She simply said things in that calm voice of hers and somehow left Gwen thinking about them for hours.

It was infuriating.

And wonderful.

The fashion house occupied several floors of an elegant building in Manhattan.

Gwen still got excited every time she entered.

She tried not to show it.

“You’re smiling again,” Maya, one of the senior assistants, said.

Gwen looked at her.

“Am I?”

“Yes.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

Maya laughed.

“I remember being your age.”

“You were an intern too?”

“Exactly.”

“What happened?”

“I survived.”

“That’s encouraging.”

“It gets better.”

Gwen smiled.

Maya handed her a stack of documents.

“Take these upstairs.”

“Sure.”

“And after that, bring the fabric samples from storage.”

“Okay.”

“And Gwen?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t trip.”

Gwen laughed.

“No promises.”

She carried the documents upstairs.

Her days weren’t glamorous.

But she didn’t care.

She was learning.

She was surrounded by people who knew what they were doing.

She watched designers work.

She listened to meetings from outside the doors.

She studied fabrics.

She memorized names.

She took mental notes.

Every day made her dream feel a little closer.

When her shift finally ended, the sun had begun setting over the city.

Gwen stood outside the building and looked up.

The sky was painted orange and pink between the skyscrapers.

She took a picture.

Then sent it to her mother.

GWEN: Look how pretty.

Her mother responded:

MOM: Come home.

Gwen laughed.

GWEN: Romantic.

MOM: Dinner.

GWEN: Fine.

She started walking toward the station.

She had taken perhaps ten steps when she stopped.

She looked back at the building.

For some reason, she felt like she had forgotten something.

She frowned.

Then shook her head.

“Whatever.”

She continued walking.

That evening, Gwen and her mother ate dinner at their small kitchen table.

Her mother had cooked pasta.

Gwen talked about school.

Then her internship.

Then Haley.

Then Terra.

Then, despite pretending she wouldn’t, she mentioned Ji-won.

Her mother smiled.

“There’s a girl?”

“No.”

“Gwen.”

“Maybe.”

Her mother laughed.

“Tell me about her.”

“She’s Korean.”

“Okay.”

“She’s rich.”

Her mother raised an eyebrow.

“That’s your selling point?”

“No.”

“Good.”

Gwen smiled.

“She’s really nice.”

“That’s better.”

“And beautiful.”

Her mother laughed.

“Of course.”

Gwen leaned back.

“I think she likes me.”

“Do you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then don’t worry about it.”

Gwen looked at her.

“Why?”

“You’re eighteen.”

“So?”

“You have time.”

Gwen smiled.

“I know.”

Her mother reached across the table and squeezed her hand.

“Enjoy your life.”

Gwen smiled.

“I am.”

And she meant it.

Later that night, Gwen stood in front of her bedroom mirror.

She had changed into pajamas.

Her hair was tied loosely.

She removed her earrings and placed them on the dresser.

Her room was messy.

Clothes were scattered across a chair.

Books were stacked beside her bed.

Fabric samples covered her desk.

Her laptop was open to a fashion website.

She looked around.

This was her room.

Her home.

Her life.

She smiled.

Then her phone buzzed.

She picked it up.

JI-WON: Goodnight, Gwen.

Gwen stared at the message.

Her smile grew.

GWEN: Goodnight :)

She placed the phone beside her.

Then climbed into bed.

Outside her window, New York continued glowing.

Cars moved through the streets.

Lights shone from apartment buildings.

Somewhere, people wer

e laughing.

Somewhere else, someone was crying.

The city never truly slept.

Gwen closed her eyes.

She thought about graduation.

College.

Fashion.

Her mother.

Haley.

Terra.

Ji-won.

Everything she wanted.

Everything she had.

She smiled as she drifted toward sleep.

She had no reason to believe that anything was wrong.

Why would she?

Her life was ordinary.

Beautiful.

Safe.

Perfectly hers.

And tomorrow would be just another day.

At least, that was what Gwen believed.

Because sometimes the most dangerous lies aren’t the ones someone tells you.

They’re the ones you never think to question.