OXYGEN

LUCAS

I arrived at the lecture room an hour before the lecture started, so I had a lot of time to talk to my new gossip buddy about everything, and when I mean my new gossip buddy, I mean the blonde hair beaming Sophie, who was waving happily at me with a sly smile on her face, cause she could already figure out that something was up

Gosh, am I really that easy to read?

I thought to myself as I walked up to her, but immediately I did, she pulled me to the chair next to her, and whispered into my right ear

"Tell me everything, now!"

She commanded impatiently, and I guess it was normal for her to react that way, cause when I woke up that morning next to Mr. boyfriend, I had literally panicked, and typed to her about a little bit of my crisis about waking up next to Elias, but I swear I didn't tell her that we...that we did it, had sex, cause I thought it might be weird to say that, and I would have just be blabbering early in the morning, but now I guess I was wrong, cause the look on her face told me she wanted to hear every single raw shit of it, and it kinda made me shy and embarrassed at the same time, but little miss gossip queen didn't care

"Sooooo....what are you waiting for?"

She lifted one of her eyebrows up, and pouted like a little baby as she held my left arm and shook it, and in the end....in the end I confessed everything, but left out the part that I was such an inexperienced sucker, and I kinda like regretted telling her the second after, cause she screamed out, and I had to place my palm on her mouth to shut her up, but even when I did, she kept on bubbling, and mumbling inside, and it made me look away, cause damnit, I was embarrassed

I didn't even know if Elias would have wanted me to tell anyone about it, and I didn't even know if what I had just did was the right thing, and would have make him angry

I thought to myself, and felt really sour and guilty, so I really wanted to see Elias, but he wasn't here yet, and all I had to do was wait for him, cause he promised me he would definitely be here

Yes I was confident when I assured myself, cause I trusted him, I trusted him so fucking much, and believed that he wouldn't break the promise and make me sad.

I believed he would consider my feelings and attend the lecture, even though he hated it...God, I fucking believed that he would do that for me, but in the end...in the end...seconds turned into minutes, and the lecturer arrived, but he was still no where to be found

"Don't worry, his lazy ass might have just went back to sleep for a little more, so he would just be late"

I assured myself again, and I had literally kept my faith alive, and I wished he didn't let me down, but minutes changed into an hour, then another...Two full hours passed and the lecture was over...

God, it was only then did it finally dawned on me that he had actually missed it, and didn't listen to me

I guess it wasn't comfortable for him to make it...

I told myself sadly, but...but at least he would have still attended the class for my sake, he would have at least did this much for me, HE FUCKING WOULD HAVE!

Another thought popped into my head, dominated my mind, and made me angry, really angry at him, even though I was still being kinda unreasonable and selfish myself, and shouldn't be mad about every little thing like this, but...but...but still , I wanted an explanation from him, at least his reason, that's all

I even promised not to pick a fight, and scold him cause we just started dating, and it would childish to do so, I really promised myself that, and took my bag and left the room as fast as I could

Yes, I literally left Sophie with a confused expression on her face, but I really didn't care, cause all my mind was, was with him, I couldn't seriously get him out of my head, so I literally ran back like a mad person to the room with my confused heart

"Elias you dick, why didn't you..."

I called out as soon as I opened the door, but immediately I walked in, what did I see?...

My eyes darted to the floor, and my heart sank as if it was a stone thrown in the ocean, as I....I saw drop...that...

God, to say it was one of the most worst thing ever was such an understatement, it was a nightmare, a nightmare that ruined this day that had already started to be bumpy, a nightmare that I wish I could bang my head in the wall, and wake up from, but...but this very nightmare was the reality, the bitter reality that life threw at me when I least expected any messed up shit anymore

Why me....Why life always love to toy with my feelings....

Am I really that unfortunate?...Am I?....

I saw droplet of liquid, red liquid on the floor, it was blood, and it formed a trail, and...and...it made my already sinking heart start to race faster than ever before, cause it wasn't there this morning, so it meant that it was newly wounded, and meant...meant that...that

"Elias!"

I called out...no I yelled out his name with my racing heart, and with my breathing that was so unstable...

God, here I was literally hyperventilating and losing my mind, but he wasn't in the room, nor in the bathroom, or balcony either, and at when I searched throughout the room, and realized he was completely nowhere, that exact point the air ceased.

I didn't even know how it was possible. but it was, and I couldn't breath properly anymore, but it got worst with every passing second, and kept on making my chest more tighten

"N...no....."

I placed my hand on my head and stammered out like a mad man, cause I was confused, and scared, very scared, cause I didn't know what had happened, but what I knew was that I needed to act fast, fucking fast before the worst happened or... or what if it already had

My mind murdered my heart, and made my breathing become rubbish again, but I don't care about if I lose consciousness, or anything bad happen to me.

God, I really didn't care about myself at all, cause I won't exist anymore if he wasn't alright

I took out my phone from my jeans pocket, it falls down to the floor because of my trembling hands, but I immediately picked it back up, and dialed his number, and prayed....silently prayed he would pick up, but life hated my gut, and made his phone unreachable, and it made me literally start to lose it again, but even though I was literally going mad, and couldn't think properly, or calm myself down, I wanted to find him, and I wanted him to be perfectly alright, so I darted out of the room with my fast racing heart even though I didn't know where he was, and started to search every hallway, and every place I could think of, but he was nowhere, as if he had vanished into thin air, and when evening arrived, and I still haven't found him, I burst out crying, cause I didn't know what to do anymore, and finally realized how lost I was without him, that I even literally prayed to God to bring him back home, even if it meant he should hate me again, but I still...I still couldn't fucking find him, so I kept on crying in the empty hallway like a lost soul...Well, I was a lost soul that curled up myself into a ball, and it was all his fault!

Why was he playing this games with me, and why wasn't he picking up his phone, why, WHY!!!

I thought to myself and the burning thought ate me up alive as I wiped my tears away with my trembling hands, but the more I wiped my eyes, the more I cried harder, and broke down pathetically, cause...cause I was fucking afraid if he had injured himself in the room, before going some god forsaken place, and killing himself

A voice told me, it was wild, wicked, and poisonous, but I already heard it before I could silence it, and it made my heart tighten again

"No!"

 I literally yelled out in the empty hallway, without any single care about the fact that I could receive punishment if any lecturer was still hovering around here, I didn't care, I didn't fucking care at all about anything else that wasn't him, cause if he actually did killed himself, and was already dead somewhere, it meant that not only did I fail to take care of him, but also did it meant that I wasn't special enough to him, that he could still take his own life...

Thinking about this hurt, no it burnt like larva in my heart, and I felt like just hitting my head on the ground, and passing out, cause to live a life without Elias, was a life I didn't wanted to be shitty part of

Why life, why did you made this morning feel all rosy, only to kill me now, why?....

I closed my swollen eyes shut, and rested my forehead on my knees as I held unto my body tighter. It was already warm, and I knew I was already falling sick, but I didn't care, I would never care of anything ever again if our story ended like this....

I swear I would give up on love, and would never be able to heal from it, cause he was the first one I ever really love

"Please don't do this to me"

I closed my eyes tighter, and cried harder, and it felt like it was going to pull out in the next minute if I didn't stop, but I didn't listen, and cried harder cause I wanted to freaking die as well, until...until I heard the sound that made me open my swollen green eyes quickly

I swear I didn't know that my phone was still in my pocket, and that I didn't toss it away out of anger, and frustration when I was searching for him, but I really didn't, and immediately I heard my phone rang, I brought it out of my pant pocket (Thank goodness my pants were baggy, or else I swear I would have ripped it off), and immediately looked at the screen

It was...him!

It was truly him calling. and that only meant that he wasn't dead yet

A wave of relief washed over me, but at the same time made me teary again as I picked the call as fast as I could

"Eli...Elias..."

My voice was cracked, and lower than a whisper, cause I had been crying and crying a river or tears, but that didn't matter anymore. All I wanted to hear was his voice, and know where exactly he was, and I got that in the end, but it was an abrupt very quick response

"School hospital, ward 55"

That was all I heard, that was all he said to me, before ending the call immediately, but I didn't care if ending the call like that made it look like I was some kind of bodyguard, or assistant, cause I noticed a hint of pain in his voice when he said that. and it was all I needed to know that he wasn't back to being heartless to me, but even if it was the other way round, and he was heartless again, still I wouldn't care, cause I loved him too much, maybe even more than myself, so as fast as I could, I stood up from the messy pool of tears I was on, and rushed to the hospital like my life depended on it...well it did actually, he was my life, my oxygen and the only one that made sense to me