FALLEN: HIS ALONE

[Prepare you tissues darlings, you might need it]

…

"How does it feels like to burn, not in fire, but in hot dripping larva...

How does it feels like to be lost, with not a single sense of direction...

How does it feels like to want to tear your heart out, and rid of yourself of every single shit called emotions and feelings...

How does it feels like to be lifeless and feel at peace like that is what you always wanted

Not to go deep, What is the even the definition of peace?

What is love?

And what is happiness?...

I don't know all this things, and to say I have ever even felt it was when I was a kid, you know innocent and all naïve, but now?, now it is something forbidden, and rather replaced with the feeling of been buried in a water, the feeling of drowning, suffocating, dying, even though you are living

I knew it all too well...

A feeling that tore me apart, broke me into pieces, and made sure there was not any single remains left

A feeling that no fucking amount of shitty "Sorry" could ever heal, a feeling worst than any kind of pain, you name it: Gunshot, stabbing...This feeling like a wolf was the "Ultima", and it was this same poisonous feeling that got mixed into my blood, and turned the remaining part of me into a living dead, a demon, anything that was bad and wrong, you name it, and made emotions become nothing to me

The demons in me made love become something so far away, something that couldn't be found in my dictionary, something so unreal that the word "Love" looks like nothing but a lie...well it was, there was no fucking thing called love

[Sad huh?, I told you to prepare your tissues]

But this demons in me weren't satisfied yet, Nah...

This depressing self hating feeling broke me beyond repair that anyone, any freaking body in my shoes would chose to just end this ever lasting loop of suffering, and die at last....anyone but me even though I felt like I was living on hell.

Yes, at first I concluded that something was wrong with my logic for still choosing to stay alive in other not to please the shit of people that had hurt me: The bullies, the ex, every fucking one who had broke me, but now?, now I guess the reason I was still alive and wasn't dead was because of....HIM, the one that finally crossed path with a broken mess like me

....

CHAPTER 01: A SPARK?, NOT REALLY

...

LUCAS

....

My mama always told me when she was alive that life a'int roses and we gonna have to work our ass off to have a happy life, and I guess I was going to find out after being transferred all the way here from Britain

"CRESTWOOD HEIGHTS ACADEMY"

Being one of the top universities in the world, it obviously felt like a dream when I got a scholarship here, and in my third year...sorry let's rephrase

It felt like heaven for a very light skin tone, red-haired British freak to get a scholarship at an America University that has always been on the news, so heck yeah, my feet are shaking, and I know I would obviously screw up if I don't behave myself, even though it feels so impossible to do that when my heart is literally bursting with so much...

"Promise me that you are not going to ruin our image..."

When I reach the climax of my excitement, my father's words pops back into my head, and shakes off a little bit of my somewhat "Sugar rush joy"

You can't screw up!, You can't screw up!

I repeat to myself like a mantra as I slapped my cheeks gently, and held firmly unto my luggages again.

Not to be rude, I would give a brief intro...

My name is Lucas Walker, and yeah I might literally break the promise I made to my father if I don't keep a low profile, and keep my cool now that I was in a foreign soil, but I don't still want him to murder me, so I tried to put it together and take another step forward, but when a flyer from nowhere of a hot muscular model landed in my front, I couldn't help but to salivate like a idiot pervert,(even though am not though), as it takes me back to memory lane, and how I realized more like I figured out and finally accepted that I was gay, when Ares, who was one of my mates, just had to kiss me to comfort me, like the perfect tutor he was, when I failed math back in high school.

Thinking back to it, to was somewhat like a bitter sweet moment, cause my family, that I mean my father and I, moved away after that kiss, it wasn't intentional though, but I never got to see Ares again, and it remained something I don't think would ever get out of my memory, cause not only was he my first ever kiss, but he was also the one that made me accepted my sexuality, and realized that girls were definitely not for me, but sadly, I chose to keep it a fucking secret from my strict father and from everyone else after I came out in a new high school to the damn homophobic people who literally felt disgusted by it, and yeah I was mad, I was really mad, because no one understood me, and that it was okay to love anyone, cause love is love, but I still chose to never come out to anyone ever again, cause I liked my peace of mind, (Thank you!), and I....

"Am so sorry..."

A girl, blue eyes, normal plain skin tone like every normal America person hits me, and made me let go of my favorite bags that I was carrying, but I don't get mad at her, cause am in, you know, "Keep a low profile" mode, so I picked it up from the ground quickly before she could, and looked at her, only to see the weird look she had on her face, that I couldn't quite pinpoint why exactly she wore it.

Maybe it was because of your features and the way you look

A voice in my head tells me, and I kinda agree with it, cause I know I look strange, and is considered an alien everywhere I go, because of my skin tone that almost resembles that of an albino, and reddish hair color, so it was no new thing if she was disgusted by me already.

I thought to myself, but when I looked at her again, and realized her look was something like admiration, I decided to clear my throat, so that she would quit looking at me that way, cause I didn't wanted her to be into me, and get her hopes up, well hell no, I don't like girls, and luckily it worked, cause immediately I cleared my throat, she looked away from me and her face immediately turned red with embarrassment, but I don't care about that, hell no...

Instead, I who had figured out that this was a chance to ask her where on earth I was exactly, and where was the way that lead to the boys dorm, did, and she immediately pointed at the direction me, before quickly running away with her feminine figure that was still embarrassed with herself, but I just waved it off, and went straight to the one that was on charge of the boys dorm.

He is middle age, got wrinkles definitely on his face, but his eyes was something that was cheerful, so I feel at ease a little, and explained my trauma, when I mean trauma, I meant that I told him I needed a room to stay in, since the scholarship didn't automatically gave me one, and at first, I thought that he would literally tell me to buzz off, and it was my problem, cause it wouldn't be surprising to tell me that all the rooms were occupied, cause it was the third year, and the middle of the semester, but shockingly, he said the exact opposite

"Here is another key, it is a shared room so I hope you are comfortable with having to live with a roommate"

He tells me, and I kinda hesitated a bit cause I was shocked, but I immediately snapped myself out of it, and took the key from his hand, cause I had no fucking problem with having a roommate that I could talk to, a roommate that something spicy could even happy between us, so yes forget the fact that it was weird for there to be a vacated spot, cause it was like a sexy perverted dream come true

"Are you still with me?"

He asked me with an arched eyebrow, and it immediately made me snap out of my perverted thought and look immediately back at him with a wide smile on my face

"Thank you"

I finally spoke out, and gave him a wider cheerful smile, but before I could leave, my curious unmannered eyes glanced at the computer that was placed side ways, it wasn't intentional, but I did, and I realized that the only room that wasn't completely occupied, that I was moving in, was literally in the first block, and anyone suppose to have moved in by now, and I really couldn't hold back, so I looked at him, and blurted out, before the thought killed me

"Can I ask how come it hasn't been completely occupied yet, since it's the first room on the block"

I looked at the bright eyes man right in the eyes and asked him with one of my eyebrows lifted up, it was a completely innocent question that I wanted to know the answer to, but immediately he heard me, he shut down the computer, and looked at me with a displeased look on his face, his cheerful look was gone, I murdered it

"First of all, you have to learn to keep your nose in what isn't your concern"

He lectured me as he referred to his computer, and it made me feel like I have just broken one of the rules of keeping a low profile, and I feel angry with myself for that, but I don't let my angry feeling sell me off, rather I keep my frustration all to myself, and looked at him as he parted his lips again

"You should be happy you got a bed space to stay in"

He lectured me again, and finally all the hint of ever being cheerful on his face is gone because of me, so I feel more worst, and wished I could apologize, but my tongue is tied up cause am not good with words, so in the end, all I could do was nod my head, and turned around to escape his lectures that kept on making him more angry, but immediately I as much took two freaking step forward, his voice stops me, and makes my heart fly into my mout

"You might not listen tome, but I would still tell you either way: Try not to piss your roommate the way you pissed me off, or else..."

He stops himself, and it made me immediately turn around to him

"Or else what?, What exactly do you mean?"

I blurted out all at once cause I couldn't help it, his words made my heart race, made me scared, but this freaking housemaster just shrugged my panic mode aside as if he wasn't literally the cause of it

"Just stay on your lane, and mind you business"

He tells me after staying fucking mute for what felt like a million years, and walked away to do some other cramp, before I could speak, and it made me so damn frustrated that I immediately googled out "How to act polite", as I left him and walked up to the room, but my damn phone crashed and switched off, because I forgot to charge it, and left me alone with the luggage in my hand in front of the damn door to god knows what kind of person was inside

"Ain't I screwed already?"

I mumbled to myself as I swallowed hard, and kept on swearing at the freaking housemaster for telling me stupid shits