Chapter 4:

MATTEO'S POV:

  10 years ago…..

   “Photography? That sure is far from the family's business” Lorraine laughs as we eat lunch together in the janitor’s closet.

  It's always been like this with her, I didn't complain, I needed Lorraine more than anything and if that meant sneaking around school, I would.

  

  “I know, if my uncle ever found out he'll have my head” I laugh.

   

  “Same” she laughs back but it dies down almost immediately and her bright face is replaced with a sad look, “when are you leaving?”

 “Three days, mum already got the tickets, but I'll be back, it's a six month program and then I'll be a professional and we can run away together just like we've always talked about” I hold her hand to reassure her but she removes her hand and hugs herself.

  “Matteo, I…I don't know about running away anymore. We are no longer kids you know, I'll be eighteen in a few weeks and…and I'll need to join my family's company. I don't have the free will like you do” she sniffles as she continues to look down.

“Lorraine…don't…don't say that. Yes I know, I know you have obligations to your family but what about us?”

 “Us? Matteo there has never been an ‘us’, this thing we have no one can ever know my father would kill me” she stands up in anger and my soul breaks.

 “There's never been an ‘us’?”, I scoff, “Lorraine we said we loved each other, we made promises…what about never breaking promises?” My voice breaks and tears trickle down my face. She remains silent and continues to cling to herself all while looking at her feet. I didn't know what to do or what to say, “say something?” I plead.

 “I'm sorry Matteo,” she finally looks up, “I just can't. We both have different paths, you in Photography and me…well me in my father's company. I have dreams Matteo, dreams that I just can't give up for…for lo..”

 “Love” I help her finish the word and take a deep breath in and clean my eyes, “it's fine, um…it's okay, I'll leave before I say something I'll regret okay but just know this Lorrie, you will forever and always hold my life in your palms, you are my everything and without you I don't know what I'd do or how I'll survive but I will, I will” I hold back my tears, peck her cheeks and leave to the bathroom then finally allow the tears to flow causing an avalanche on the sink and sinking my heart with it.

  

*********

  “Lorrie?”I was shocked, I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it but after hearing that laugh I just had to see for myself.

  “Matt…Matteo?” she stiffens, “how…how?” 

 “Um..I'll leave you too, I'll take a cab back home” her best friend Ava says as she hugs her giving me a stink eye and leaves.

  “Got back a few days ago so” I smile, awkwardly, “for you actually”.

 “Oh, so you've heard then” she says with a hint of sadness in her tone.

   

 “Everyone's heard Lorrie” I take a deep breath in, “come here” I pull her in for a hug. I couldn't believe that after ten years we're here again, still with fragile hearts and somewhat broken dreams. She clung to me like she always did when she couldn't say what she was feeling but could only express it and I understood, I understood with clarity.

  “It's so nice to see you Matteo, I…I..I had no idea you came back or that you ever will, it's been what? Eight, nine…?” she says as she pulls away and subtly looks around like she was reminding herself that she belonged to someone else.

  “Ten years, ten long years” I let out a small laugh, “but good to see that you're doing okay? I mean when my mum told me you were getting married to my cousin, i almost laughed at the ridiculous statement but then blogs went crazy so yea here I am” I smile hiding my anger and pain.

  “Blogs imma right” she awkwardly laughs, “I have to go though, um..I have a um…thing, wedding thing…to do so um…yeah. I'll see you around, or something like that…so um…yea” she picks her bag and nervously scribbles away.

 Oh Lorraine.

**********

  “Hey mum” I say as I hug her and settle beside her on the couch.

  “How'd exploring go?” She says still knitting.

“Wonderful, the city's changed a lot actually. Got lost twice but thank God for G****e maps I'd have been on the news by now” I laugh.

  “Matteo please” she laughs, “your food's in the microwave, have something to eat. We're going to your uncle's place in an hour” she drops her knitting and looks at me, “have you even spoken to your cousin to congratulate him?”

 Dexter and I have never seen eye to eye. For one reason or the other, we hated being together ever since we were kids. Just as Lorraine hated him, I did too and it was the pulling factor that dragged me closer to Lorraine and made me fall in love even before I knew it was happening plus Dexter is super annoying and extremely proud with no attom of sentiment.

  “urgh, mum please don't start” I groan and stand up, “you know I and Dexter have never been that close. I can't even remember the last time I spoke to him” I switch on the microwave.

  “Matteo honey,he is your cousin and there's nothing you can do about it. But it's alright I won't pressure you just get ready okay? An hour” she reminds me and goes upstairs.

**********

The drive to my uncle's house was as silent as it could be. My mind kept on going back to Lorraine and her laugh that continually echoed in my head, I couldn't stop thinking of her and it only made me smile.

  “A penny for your thoughts” my mum says as she parks the car.

 I laugh, “soon, c'mon we don't have all day and my tolerance pool for Dexter is slowly drying up so” I get down from the car and head to the door.

  My uncle and his family have always lived lavishly and they have never left me and my mum behind, which always made me extremely grateful to my Uncle. Although me and Dexter never got along, I would never not love my Uncle.

  “Matteo,come here” Uncle Gregory laughs and grabs me in a bear hug.

  “Uncle,” I settle in his arms, “still looking young as ever” I laugh.

 “Don't flatter him son he is just well fitted in his suit” my mum says from behind me with a smile.

 “Still hating on me huh sister” he says with a laugh, “come on everyone's in the yard”.

 We follow him into the yard and nothing's changed except the garden, ever since my Aunt died, uncle Gregory dedicated all his time into her gardens, bless her soul for real.

 I take a slight walk around to remind myself of how me, Lorraine and Dexter would play hide and seek when hate wasn't even in our vocabulary.

  “Cousin, cousin. Such a delight that you're here” I hear Dexter from behind me and the anger of ten plus years comes back to the surface.

  Fucking Dexter.