Behind her Boldness

Few minutes later, someone knocked on my bedroom door.

“Come in!” Skyler came in while holding a tray filled with foods

“Here’s your food.”

“Why are you the one bringing that?”

“I volunteered because I wanted to ask you something.”

“And what is that?” I asked as I sip from the glass of orange juice. Skyler is the youngest among the four of us. He’s a singer and he’s like a baby to me. Well, I could say he’s definitely a different breed compared to my other brothers.

“How can you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Being bold, being tough, being brave and being fearless. How can you answer father and grandfather without fear? Because, in my case, I get shivers all over my body down to my spine with just a single glance from them. But you, you can be that brave even with those glares from them.”

“Was that supposed to be a compliment or not? I should be happy about that, should I?”

“Of course! There’s no way I’m insulting my favorite sister!”

“Skyler, I’m your only sister.” I placed the glass down and laid down on the bed. I answered his question while staring at my room’s ceiling. “Do you want to know the secret for that attitude? Skyler, it takes a lot of pain to be like me. Do you know how much pain, hateful words, bullets, cursing, and disappointments I had to endure just to be who I am today? I have to endure all those pains for twenty-eight years and had to accept that I’m a black sheep just to become who I am today.”

“Twenty-eight years? That’s not true! I’m sure there was a time they loved you, especially dad.”

“Actually, there is, probably before they found out my gender. Since I’m the first born, I’m sure dad and grandpa were thrilled.” I sat straight and looked at Skyler. “You know what? Mom said that they prepared an extravagant gender reveal party for me. I’m disappointed though, they didn’t keep any photos or videos, but that’s expected. Anyway! She said that a helicopter was used for the event. A colored power is sprayed from the helicopter. Do you know how funny it is when I think about the disappointed faces of dad and grandpa after seeing pink powders coming out from the helicopter above the sky? I’m just imagining it but I’m already cracking up! I’m sure they were both disappointed but they tried hard to maintain their posture for the media and constituents. Can you imagine that? It’s so funny.” I was laughing while telling the story but Skyler doesn’t look thrilled at all. Well, it’s not really a funny story but it is for me. I’m still glad they somehow set-up an event for me. It was probably the first and last.

“How can you laugh at that?”

“Why? It’s really funny!” It became silent for a couple of minutes. I sighed as I lean my back on my bed’s headboard. “But maybe it’s a defense mechanism I developed? I just laughed the pain away. Skyler, if I let the pain eat me up, I’m at disadvantage and they’re still the winner, and I can’t afford that. Of course, I wasn’t born this way. There were times that it was so painful to the point that ending my life became an option. When Stefano was born, I was happy to have a sibling but I envied him a lot. You know that our birthdays are just days apart, right? He had the most extravagant birthday but I had nothing, literally nothing. Mom was the only person who celebrated my birthday, dad didn’t even greet me or maybe he didn’t remember it at all. But you know what? There was a time that I was above Stefano. Did you know he didn’t have a gender reveal? They probably got traumatized by mine, so, they never had it. It was just a small celebration, but that was after dad and grandpa confirmed his gender beforehand. At least I had something he didn’t have.”

Well, what I said was all true. If I let them beat me up emotionally, I’ll still be the loser and the laughingstock. I’m still the loser now, unfortunately, but at least I’m a bitch who doesn’t let myself get stepped on, that’s better isn’t it? Maybe, it’s more of like I’m still fighting? Yeah, not a complete loser yet since the game is not yet over.

“What about the marriage with Brian?”

“Oh, hell no! Never going to happen. Over my dead body! NEVER!”

“Why? Aren’t you dating him from two years now?”

“Oh that?” I took a bite from the salmon steak before answering my brother. “I only dated him out of boredom. You know how dad pressured me to date Brian for some business schemes or whatever? I just did it since I’m bored with life. I mean, Brian is good looking but he is a complete jerk. Also, I dated him to piss off his sister, Bria, because she’s my rival and I just simply dislike her.”

I mean, Brian is not that bad and he’s an actor too. But he is definitely not a husband material. I’ll live in hell if I get tied to him.

“What are you planning to do?”

“Dump him? I’m planning to break up with him anyway, and they just gave me another reason to do it. Who knows? He could be screwing with another woman right now?”

“You’ll be fine, right?”

“Of course! When was I not fine?”

“You’re not, for twenty-eight years.”

“Oh, well, at least I’m still stunning.” I put down my fork and knife before laying back on my bed. “Bring the food tray with you as you leave. Don’t forget to close the door.”

“Fine, goodnight sis. Call me if you need backup with your jerk boyfriend.”

“Oh, you mean jerk ex-boyfriend?” Both of us just chuckled. As soon as Skyler left my room, my emotion switched faster than light. Ugh! This is reality! This is the Savannah they never know and will never get to see; the weak, fragile and soft.

I would lie if I say that I did not love Brian even for just a split second. He is a complete jerk and red flag, but I messed up seeing red and instead I saw green. I thought I could change him, but no. I caught him cheating multiple times and half of those were painful. The other half? Oh, well just burn to hell.

I wiped my tears before deciding to take a bath so I can sleep. Someone like Brian, dad, and grandfather doesn’t deserve my tears anymore.