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The paramedics arrived within minutes.They worked quickly, checking Zane's pupils with a small light, feeling along his neck before they moved him, careful hands and low steady voices that gave nothing away about how serious it might be. Jeff stood back because they told him to and it was the hardest thing he had done all morning, standing back while strangers touched his son.They lifted Zane carefully onto the stretcher and Jeff rode in the back of the ambulance with his son's small hand in his, cold and limp, and he could not stop saying sorry under his breath even though there was no way Zane could hear him.He was a terrible father, a horrible human being, how could he take out his grievances on a little child, how could he for a moment harbor the tiniest resentment towards him? Zane had lived with him for six years, since he was just a baby and he had no right to think about Zane that way for the crime of Irene.The paramedic asked what happened, staring at Jeff."He fell down
Jeff got home to find Zane already dressed for school.The nanny had done his hair, straightened his collar, packed his bag by the door, everything in place the way it should be on an ordinary morning, except nothing about this morning was ordinary and Zane's face told him that before a single word passed between them.Zane gave no reaction when he saw him.He just sat at the kitchen table with his hands in his lap and his eyes fixed on some point past Jeff's shoulder, he did not smile and he did not scowl, he simply looked through him.Jeff stood in the doorway for a long moment staring at the boy he took as his son, a product of Irene's betrayal and he swallowed.He told himself none of this was Zane's fault, said it silently, and over and over again."Hey buddy." He said finally. "Are you okay?"Zane looked at him and the first reaction Jeff got was Zan's brow furrowing."Did you get mummy out from that jail?" His voice was flat, direct, a question that had clearly been sitting in
Claire came downstairs at six and Jeff was already awake.He was sitting up on the couch with the blanket folded beside him and his elbows on his knees, his eyes were on the floor and he looked like a man who had spent the night in the same way she had, lying in the dark and just staring at the ceiling.He looked up when she came in and neither of them spoke immediately.Claire doesn't even know what to say so she went to the kitchen and made coffee and came back with two cups. She sat in the armchair across from him and set one on the table in front of him and he picked it up and took a sip.After a while Jeff said quietly, "I need to apologise properly, again and again. Not the way I did last night on your doorstep. Properly.""Stop already with the apologies Jeff." Claire said."Let me say it." He replied. "Please."She held her cup and shrugged.He looked at his coffee for a moment and then looked at her directly."I wasted years." He said. "I was cruel to you in ways I am still a
Jeff sat in his car outside the hospital for a long time with his hands on the wheel and the engine off because he could not make himself drive anywhere yet and he was still completely shaken about Irene's revelation.He thought about Zane's face.The way he used to press himself against Jeff's chest whenever he is distressed and how he usually held on with both fists, the way he said Daddy I'm scared with a fever burning through him, the way he had laughed in the back seat of a car about a sister he was having soon, six years loving a child because Jeff considered him his son and six goddamn years of living in a lie.His heart was aching so bad, he had no one else to blame but himself for his foolishness, his grandfather warned him about Irene, he never liked Irene but he was too stupid.A sob broke out of his lips and he angrily banged his hands severally against the steering."Damn you Irene!" He yelled in anguish as a tear escaped from his eye."How much more am I going to regret f
Irene's smirk did not leave her face.She looked at Claire and then at Jeff and the smirk widened into something that had genuine pleasure in it, the pleasure of a woman who had been waiting a very long time to say something and had finally arrived at the moment."Zane." She cocked her head and said the name with relish.The room went very quiet."Zane is Matt's son." She said it clearly and without hurry. "He has always been Matt's son. From the very first day."Jeff stared at her and his legs threatened to give way.He did not speak because he was so furious that he was choking on it.He stood at the foot of the bed and glared hard at Irene, the colour of his face changed slowly, not all at once, but gradually, and Claire watched it change and felt the full weight of what was happening in the room.A part of her pitied him, he had been living with both Matt and Irene's son without knowing it.How rotten can a person be? Irene is that rotten to the core.Irene looked at Jeff's face a
Claire walked into the hospital room at the exact moment the doctor finished speaking.She caught the last words just as she pushed the door open, we were unable to save the baby, and she saw Jeff standing at the foot of the bed, saw his face and then the doctor's face and she understood everything before anyone said another word.Jeff did not move when the news landed.He stood absolutely still with his hands clenched at his sides and his face doing nothing at all, not grief, not shock, just the complete stillness of a man who had been hit by something so large his body had not yet decided how to respond to it.The doctor said something else, something about Irene being stable, something about blood loss and recovery, and Jeff stood through it, he was hearing it but his brain was unable to comprehend, unable to go past the word, "we were unable to save the baby."He said nothing and the doctor left and the room was very quiet.Irene was in the bed with monitors attached and her face







