Choosing myself

Aurelia,

I barely could stand there, tears streaming down my face, my knees trembling as if they would give in any second. My chest felt tight, each breath scraping my lungs painfully. I never felt that miserable in my life. I wanted to tell Dad that I would like to separate. The words sat heavily on my tongue, choking me. But when I learned that his situation wasn't improving, my thoughts on going through a divorce right after the marriage didn't find its way. Guilt pressed down on me, heavy and suffocating, forcing the thought back into the deepest corner of my mind.

I tried everything. Making him breakfast to trying to engage with any kind of conversation, forcing small smiles even when my lips quivered. In last six months, I had done everything to make sure I was the wife he needed. My hands often hovered, unsure where to rest, my voice careful, restrained. But it felt like I wasn't someone important enough to get attention. Each dismissal, each silence, chipped away at something fragile inside me.

The sound of microwave stopping snapped me out of my attention. My shoulders jerked slightly at the sudden beep. The chefs weren't awake. I wanted to cook something fresh but I wasn't in that headspace to do it. My fingers felt numb as I reached for the plate, my movements slow and mechanical.

Serving the meal on the plate, I carried it to the table. My grip tightened around the edge as if it might slip from my hands. Just as I turned to head towards the bedroom, my phone rang. My heart dropped violently, a sharp thud echoing in my ears since I had been dreading of getting calls from the hospital.

I hurriedly grabbed the phone and received it, my palm clammy against the screen.

" Yes, Aurelia speaking!" I responded, my voice barely steady, fingers shaking uncontrollably. I didn't even notice the ID name on my screen.

That was when my mother's voice came, shaking, fragile, " Aurelia... Your Dad-!"

I froze, my heart sinking as if pulled straight down into my stomach. The world around me blurred. " N-No! Is he alright?" My lips trembled, the words breaking apart as tears streamed down my face, already knowing that the respond wasn't going to be a good one.

She didn't reply, she sobbed quietly, her cries muffled as if she was trying to hold herself together. " Please come!" Her breath hitched as she said it, the sound slicing straight through me.

My footsteps were fast and uneven as I walked towards my bedroom, my vision clouded, my chest burning. I couldn't say anything to Mom, couldn't say that I was coming, couldn't say everything would be alright. Because nothing was going to be alright.

" Justin -!" I called him, pushing the door open. My voice cracked mid-word. But my eyes widened when I saw him, sleeping in the bed, looking exhausted and deep in sleep. His calm breathing felt cruelly out of place.

" Justin. Wake up." I shook him, my hand trembling while my throat tightened painfully. " Please... Dad-!" The words barely came out, swallowed by sobs.

I didn't know what happened next, but all I knew was that Justin yanked my hand away sharply, sitting up with a red face, irritation etched into every line of his expression.

" Can you stop being a nuisance right now?" he snapped, his voice harsh and cutting. " I only had 2 hours sleep in last two days. I have already told you that I will go and visit your Dad when I get time. Can't you understand me? Are you deaf?" He snarled, standing up abruptly.

My body stiffened at his words, my shoulders drawing inward instinctively.

" I told Mom to bring someone who would keep their fucking life to themselves and won't disturb me. But here we go. Please... All I need an hour of sleep. Can I get that? I beg you!"

I stared at him, frozen. My lips parted as if to speak, but no sound came out. My chest ached as the realization settled in slowly, painfully. He never listened to my words. Since I learnt Dad's situation, I had told him that Dad's condition wasn't good. But judging by his words, it seemed like he didn't care at all.

I clenched my phone tightly, my knuckles turning white, and nodded slowly. " My apologies. Please go to sleep. Nobody will disturb you anymore!" My voice sounded distant, hollow, even to my own ears.

I said it while grabbing my clutch and the keys. He groaned, turning his back to me, and went back to sleep without another glance.

At that moment, the last bit of respect and love I had for him vanished. I felt it slip away quietly, leaving behind an unbearable emptiness. I didn't want to stay married to someone who was already married to his work.

By the time I went to the driveway, Butler Derek was already there, waiting. I didn't say anything. My lips felt numb, my face stiff. All I could feel was emptiness. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare and hug my Dad tight enough to stop him from leaving.

But reality was just another example of cruelty.

Dad was gone. He was cold, pale. Unlike everyday, he didn't hold my hand and kiss the back of my hand. This time he didn't call me princess and tell me that he would be by my side in every aspect of my life.

He was laying there, sleeping quietly. Too quietly.

My knees nearly gave out as I stood there. My chest felt hollow, as if something vital had been ripped out.

Mom cried next to me, in my arms and on my lap throughout the night. Her sobs shook her body violently, her tears soaking into my clothes. I stroked her hair numbly, my hand moving on instinct. But all I felt was hollow. I wanted to tell Mom that I was still there, that everything would be alright. But nothing would be alright, would it?

I didn't know how long we were in the hospital. Time lost its meaning. But when the doctor and Dad's lawyer walked in, I realized that the time to say goodbye to Dad had came. My heart clenched painfully at the thought.

" Miss Aurelia Wren, Mr Gareth Carlton specifically instructed us to hold the funeral within ten hours of his death. He didn't tell me anything in detail but this was his last wish regarding his final goodbye!" Attorney Wilde explained softly.

" What?" My mother whispered, her voice barely audible. " His friends and family are yet to come."

He looked at my mother and gave her an apologetic smile. " He has written it in his final wish. We are obliged to fulfill this. Also... He strictly instructed that he doesn't want his family to attend the funeral!"

My eyes narrowed as I slowly pulled myself together, my jaw tightening. " Why would Dad ban them to come? I thought he has been in good terms with them!" I asked, my heart clenching each time I thought about it. Suddenly Dad was still inside that cold room, yet here we had to talk about something like this.

Death is really cruel.

" Miss Wren. Here!" He held out an envelope. " This is the letter he left for you. You should read it now!"

My fingers shook when I held the cold yellow paper. The edges felt rough against my skin. I sat on the bench, my legs weak, while the attorney talked to Mom about the funeral.

As I opened the letter, my heart skipped a beat, my breath hitching.

" Hi, Princess,

By the time you are reading this letter, I am already somewhere better. I am sorry that I can't stay by your side any longer. But I genuinely hope that you are so strong.

My daughter, it has been a good journey with you and your mother. Please take care of her.

I am proud of you. You have always been a compassionate and caring person. You always hide your own pain to make others happy. So, promise me that from now on you'll choose your life and your happiness. Don't let anyone else bully you. You are my daughter and we don't tolerate disrespect and bully.

And regarding the estates and company, I have already informed Attorney Wilde and explained everything properly.

I know whatever is coming next is going to be hard for you. But I believe in you. I trust you that you will handle everything strongly.

And remember, this is not ending for you.. for us. I am now in better place after serving my time in the world. I enjoyed my time there and I know that I will be doing well in next life. So, don't cry or be heartbroken.

Live a beautiful life until we meet again. I will make you a cup of dandelion tea!

And tell your mother to move on and find someone as handsome as me.

Love you so much,

Your Dad."

I chuckled softly through tears as I pressed the letter to my chest, my shoulders shaking, my breath uneven.

" Yes, Dad. I will choose my happiness and respect before everything from now on! I promise!"