1: Confinement

Zheira was sitting on the frame of her room’s glass window. It looked like an empty doorless cupboard, its height just enough to accommodate her sitting position. She closed her eyes as she leaned her head towards the window, listening to the raindrops as though it’s a perfect lullaby. She could stay this way for the whole day, sitting on this very frame, thinking when she’d be able to experience being out there, being able to experience the wind, the rain, the weather, everything, that were never possible inside the sanctuary of her room.

With a loud sigh, she allowed the vision of the blowing wind and pouring rain to paint a picture of freedom in her mind, trying to imagine how it would taste, how it would feel. But thinking of it alone gave her no satisfaction. The more she dwelled on its image, the more she felt empty inside. There’s just no way such a thing would be possible; even if it were to happen, she’s not even sure if she’d be able to enjoy it. 

She wished to linger in there for a long while, but the intensity of the rain intercepted her sight, so she decided to just sleep. However, the sight of her room, though she’d been there for about thirteen years, caught her off guard. It was huge enough to fit two cabins in it, but that size made it impossible for her not to feel the emptiness trying to dominate her whole being.

Two large bookshelves were facing her queen-sized bed. It’s filled with fiction books, all of which have already been read. Beside the bed was a small cabinet with an umbrella-shaped lamp and a flower vase with intricate patterns. Also, a door on the far corner hid thousands of dresses and clothes that were hanged in rows, piling up to the high-arching ceiling. 

“Madame, your lunch is ready!” said a monotonic voice of her maid. 

For a moment, she just stood there, waiting for the footsteps to die, her heart beating fast. She touched the knob when she could no longer hear the maid, trying to stop herself from shaking. No matter what she thought of, the shivers running down to her spine seemed to be a constant ordeal, but she tried her best to be indifferent to it. As a precaution, she pulled the door to a distance just enough for her to have a glimpse of what’s going on outside. The only thing that was there, though, was her tray table with a pork steak, a cup of rice, and a cup of cold water. She ought to feel relieved, but deep inside her heart, she would never be able to deny the disappointment weighing her conviction. 

As usual, she ate her lunch on her bed, accompanied by the silence broken only by the raindrops. It had always been like this. She should be used to it by now, but that’s never the case. Every day was a struggle with loneliness, a struggle for surviving with no one to talk to. She had no qualms with the situation, though, since it’s her mother’s decision of isolating her. In fact, she’s grateful for it. She’s just not contented, that’s all. 

Everyone who was under the Martin’s service was not allowed to ever enter Zheira’s room. In case it’s time for her to eat, the maids were tasked to give her what she needed by delivering it just outside her room. It’s a petty rule, but it was able to protect her. 

Giving the room another glance, she smiled bitterly. Of all the things she has, she’s never possessed a mirror. Her mother never wanted her to look in her reflection, saying it’s selfish to wallow in one’s features. Zheira knew it’s an utter lie, but she never said anything against it. 

Her mother’s word was absolute for her, but sometimes, she found it easy to ignore. So, taking a deep breath, she turned her spoon and looked at the woman reflected on it. She couldn’t clearly see her face, but she could make out two small horns growing at the top of her head. She touched its pointy tip using her left hand, feeling its rough texture, while all the while, hoping it would disappear. 

It’s one of the reasons why she’s confined in her room. For her mother, it’s a way to protect her, but for Zheira, it turned her into a prisoner. The only difference was the fact that she did nothing wrong. She knew it’s unnecessary, but she couldn’t stop herself from thinking that her mere existence was the reason why she’s suffering like this, why she has to taste pain even before she could experience happiness. 

A knocked disturbed her train of thought. Her eyes widened as she stared at the door, trying to identify who would knock when she’d already been given her lunch. 

“Zheira, it’s me. May I come in?” The soft, authoritative voice of Melinda, her mother, stopped her heart from beating fast. She tried to curve her lips, hoping her mother wouldn’t notice the gloom eating her whole being. 

 Melinda’s a thirty-year-old lady whose height didn’t reach the standard. She’s only 4’0 compared to Zheira who’s already 5’5 in her seventeen. She’s also a bit porky and barely has no neck, but her hawk-like blue eyes were enough to convey that she’s not someone to be crossed. She’s still wearing her suit when she entered Zheira’s room, a big smile drawing her round face. 

“How’s your day?” said Melinda, sitting on the bed, narrowing her eyes to Zheira’s plate that had barely been touched. “Aren’t you going to eat?” There was a certain command in her voice that forced Zheira to eat. 

“I-I thought—”

“Don’t talk when your mouth is full!” 

Zheira’s heart beats fast once more. She looked down, trying to avoid her mother’s gaze. 

Sighing, Melinda lied down to the bed. “I’m sorry!” She cleared her throat and tried to soften her voice. “It’s just been a busy day, really!”

“H-How bad… How b-bad was—was it?” Zheira kept her eyes on the steak. 

Melinda turned, allowing her elbow to support her weight, her right hand clenched on her cheek. “You’re still stuttering, are you? Relax, it’s just me, your mother! You can trust me!” She smiled, a genuine one, loosening the knot of Zheira’s tension. 

Lost for words, Zheira merely nodded. It seemed to have contented Melinda because she said afterward, “There’s this investor who wanted to meet me and your father in person, so we’re to travel tomorrow. I told your father I can’t leave you here, but you can’t go with us either. It’s way too dangerous. But he just go on into telling me that you’re old enough to take care of yourself. Like that logic works! You’re still my baby, as far as I can tell. And I’m always right. It just pisses me off, knowing that he’s set into leaving you here all alone!”

Solitary. That’s how her life had always been. Yes, she had her parents, they exist, but they weren’t always there beside her. They’re too busy managing their mining company. Zheira couldn’t condemn them for it, because she knew what they’re doing was for her. 

“How l-long will you be g-gone?” She twirled her spoon while piercing the remaining half of the steak. 

Melinda’s brows furrowed. “You’re not going to insist of coming?” 

Shaking her head, Zheira tried to smile. “It’s o-okay!” Her voice was barely audible over the pounding of the rain. 

It’s then that Melinda’s heart clenched. She never wished things to be this way, but the circumstances surrounding her daughter were way beyond her control. All she could do was to make sure that no one would take notice of her intricacy because people have always been judgmental. They’re sure to turn their back against her, especially that she didn’t look like a human being at all. She didn’t want to expose Zheira to the cruelty the world’s fostering. She knew a part of Zheira’s already hating her, but she could bear this hatred if it means she’d be safe. 

“D’you want to see it?” said Melinda, directing the subject to a different track. 

A spark seemed to have shot through Zheira’s orbs, but it was only for a moment. Unknowingly, the bones of her jaw stretched into a genuine smile. Seeing it, Melinda couldn’t help but feel like a useless mother. How could she forbid her daughter from ever walking in the street, feeling the heat of the sun, being a human being? Just because she’s afraid she’d end up being hurt? If that’s the case, she’s no different from the people she’s afraid of. She had shunned her daughter in the corner, and she still dared to think how evil people were when they haven’t even done anything yet. 

Sitting straight, her knees crossed elegantly, Melinda put her hands on her legs, her eyes wide open. She braced herself for the moment when Zheira would face her, knowing full well of the throbbing pain her head would be subjected to. 

Zheira’s eyes were kind of special. It has a sliver crisscrossing pattern in the cornea and redness like that of a wine painting her irises, which was also splashed with an oceanic blue tint. It was beautiful to look at, at least for Melinda, as if by staring into it, she’d be standing near the heavens. On the contrary, once she stared at it directly, something bizarre was to take place.  

The moment both of them were eye to eye, the pattern moved on its own, circling the redness of her irises until it settled into a series of circles that was reflected into Melinda’s eyes. Melinda clenched her fist as the nerves on her temple started pulsating wickedly she thought she’s going insane, but she has to bear it. It’d only take a few minutes. 

Expectedly, Melinda’s memories started playing inside Zheira’s head, making her smile. It’s as if time was moving back. Melinda walked back outside, just like how she did earlier, back to her car, and outside the thirty-story building that was their company. Her face was crumpled and Zheira could feel the frustration and anger building up inside her.

“That man! How is he my husband if he can’t understand what I’m saying? All I’m worried of is Zheira!” Melinda was saying, about four bodyguards tailing her, keeping, at least, five meters distance.

While Melinda was talking with herself, the rain started pounding. One bodyguard immediately handed an umbrella to her before going back to the five-meter distance. The rain vanquished Melinda’s anger. She looked up at the dumped sky and remembered how much Zheira wanted to feel the rain. She gave the parking lot one sweeping look, but there were too many employees walking back and forth, so if she let herself bathe in the rain, it might ruin her reputation. 

Zheira waited with Melinda’s decision, her eyes intent on the rain that was just passing by her. It was fun watching it, but seeing that there were people who were running away from it, trying not to be soaked, made her stomach clench. In someone’s memory, she had no way of being affected by anything unless the host of the memory felt it. So far, Melinda only transmitted frustration, making her longed more than ever to feel the rain. 

Though Melinda couldn’t soak in the rain, she decided to just wet her hand, feeling its texture. Zheira gasped when her hands were splattered by the rain. She chuckled as the cold penetrated through her skin. It was like a dream. Even though the feels of the rain had no difference from their water, she felt as if she’s the luckiest woman, as if there’s nothing in the world that could hurt her. 

When Melinda looked away, the rain, the building, and the parking lot were replaced by the usual scenery of her room. She smiled at her mother who was massaging her throbbing forehead, grateful that she allowed her to feel the rain even if it’s just for a moment. She knew that the feeling would reach her soul, and she’d never forgotten such an experience for the rest of her life. 

After she reads her mother’s memory, she ended up rereading some of her favorite books, flipping pages after pages, and stopping at the chapter she loved. Meanwhile, Melinda went to her room in the pretense of changing, but she really wanted to rest. Her head’s throbbing so hard she doubted she could hide it from Zheira any longer, so it’s safer to leave before Zheira could sniff the effect of her memory-reading. Melinda didn’t know how such an ability manifested. It just existed. She feared what Zheira could still do, that it might one day caused them to go on their separate ways because truth be told, she couldn’t live without her daughter.

As Zheira became bored with reading, she turned the flat-screen TV on and started watching movies, but after a few minutes, she fell under a deep slumber. At first, she was dreaming about the rain. She was giggling as she jumped on the flood it caused, her mother with her, ignoring the watching people who were also smiling, entertained with their naivety. However, thunder growled menacingly that the people started running away, screaming. Z tried to stop them, but when she closed the gap between them, their screams grew louder, fear encoded in their very face. 

It’s as if cold water splashed through her body, thick needles accompanying her rapid heartbeat. She didn’t want to believe what she’s seeing, but the lightning dancing in the sky illuminated her hands. It was filled with blood. She looked up once more, and she was facing her mother. Melinda's brows were contorted, her cheeks red, and anger was spelled in the depth of her eyes. Zheira’s tears started falling. She stretched her shaking hands toward her mother, telling her she didn’t do anything wrong, but Melinda only moved back, giving her a disgusting look. 

“Mother, please!” she begged, but her mother didn’t listen. Melinda was moving away and away; however, before she could be out of sight, Zheira’s hands moved on their own. It pierced through her mother’s chest whose eyes widened. 

Zheira laughed, a cruel laugh. The vibration of her own voice was enough to awaken her, sweats soaking her shaking body. She could still hear her laughter clearly, could still see her dying mother, and though it was a dream, she found herself screaming, feeling the grief and madness overtaking her consciousness.