LOGINMaya
By the time we land in New York, I have convinced myself at least twelve different things could have happened to Jax. None of them are good. The worst part is that I barely remember leaving the plane.
One minute I'm sitting across from Declan with his hand wrapped around mine, the next I'm in the back of an SUV with Liam driving and Declan beside me, Queens sliding past the window beneath a grey afternoon sky. Everything feels familiar. Too familiar. Warehouses. Fences. Con
Then — Ronan, seventeenI don’t sit down.I stand in the doorway of the study with the rain dripping off my hair onto the tiles, and I look at the photograph lying face up on my father’s blotter. The little grey shape. The flicker of a heartbeat frozen in black and white. Our daughter, the size of a bean, curled in the dark.My father turns my mother’s silver rosary case over in his fingers.“You should keep your mother’s things more carefully,” he says. “Mrs Doyle found this when she was changing your sheets. She brought it straight to me.” He clicks the lid shut. “She’s a very loyal woman, Mrs Doyle.”“Where is she?” I ask.“Sit down, Ronan.”“Where is she?”My father sighs, as if I’m being tiresome. He nudges the second glass of whiskey across the desk towards me with one finger.“She’s at Dr B
RonanFor a long moment, neither of us moves.She’s still holding the front of my T-shirt in both fists, and I’m still on my knees beside the bed, and the room is so quiet that I can hear the lake moving against the shore outside. Her eyes are open. She’s awake now, properly awake. I watch her come all the way back into herself, and realise what she’s just said.I watch her want to take it back. “Red,” I tell her.She lets go of my shirt. Her hands fall into her lap, and she sits up slowly against the headboard, pulling the blanket round her shoulders, and the ring on its chain glints at her throat in the moonlight. She doesn’t look at me. She looks at the wall.“I was dreaming,” she says.“Ye weren’t,” I tell her.“Ronan…”“Ye said he was still breathing,” I tell her. My voice
RonanWhen I wake up, she’s standing in the kitchen in my hoodie, burning pancakes.For a long moment, I don’t move. I lie on the sofa under the blanket with my arm still curled round the warm space where she was, and I watch her through the doorway. The storm has blown itself out, and the morning is pale and clean, with sunlight coming off the lake in wavering silver lines across the ceiling. She’s barefoot on the wooden floor, with the sleeves of my hoodie shoved up to her elbows and her hair a wild red tangle down her back. She’s frowning at the frying pan as if it has personally insulted her.Smoke is rising from it in a thin grey ribbon.“Red,” I say.She jumps and spins round, spatula raised like a weapon. Then she sees me, and her face does something soft that I’d forgotten it could do.“Don’t say anything,” she tells me.“I wasn’t going to,” I tell h
Then — Ronan, seventeenShe’s sitting on the potting bench in the greenhouse when I come in, with her hands folded in her lap, and she doesn’t get up to kiss me. That’s how I know something’s wrong.It’s a cold, bright afternoon in March, with the sun coming slantwise through the cracked panes and lighting up the dust in the air. My mother’s old sign is still hanging crooked on its nail. Please don’t touch the babies. There’s a jam jar of daffodils on the bench beside Aoife that she must have picked on the way down, and she’s staring at them as if they might tell her what to say.“Red?” I ask.She looks up at me. Her face is very pale, and her eyes are red, and she’s been crying. My whole body goes cold. I’m across the greenhouse and on my knees in front of her before I know I’ve moved, my hands on her knees, looking up into her face.“What did
AoifeThe storm comes over the mountains a little after midnight, and the power goes out with the first crack of thunder.I’m lying awake in Liam’s spare room, in the dark, listening to it come. I’ve been listening for an hour. First the wind, rising in the pines around the cabin. Then the low grumble far away over the lake, getting closer. Then the rain, starting soft and then coming down all at once, hammering on the tin roof so hard that it sounds like a thousand fists.And then I can’t breathe.Because I know that sound. Rain on a roof like this, loud enough to drown out the whole world. Rain on glass, in a greenhouse at the bottom of a kitchen garden, while a boy who could barely get his words out told me he was mad about me.I get up. I’m wearing a T-shirt and a pair of thick wool socks that Liam left folded on the end of the bed, and one of Ronan’s hoodies, which I took off the back of a chair this afterno
Then — Aoife, sixteenMam goes to the market in town every second Thursday, and she always leaves me a list.This Thursday, it’s pinned to the kitchen door in her careful, slanting hand. Scald the milk for the custard. Peel the potatoes. Fetch two pounds of flour and the good jam down from the pantry. Don’t let the range go out. Back by four. Love, Mam.I’ve done the milk and the potatoes. I’m humming when I go into the pantry, because Ronan is in the stable yard helping Paddy with the new mare, and when he’s finished, he’ll come round to the kitchen door like he does every second Thursday, and sneak in, and steal a spoonful of whatever’s on the stove, and kiss me against the dresser while I pretend to be cross.It’s a year since the greenhouse. A whole year of secrets and stolen afternoons, and his father has never suspected a thing. We’ve been so careful.The pantry is narrow and cold an
Chapter 2 CillianI don’t believe in fate. I believe in control. In power. In making decisions before anyone else even realizes there’s a choice to be made. That’s how you stay alive in my world. That’s how you stay on top.Which is exactly why I’m here. Not for the spectacle. Not for the fucking
ElenaThe necklace is worth more than my entire life. I can feel it. Cold diamonds wrapped tight around my throat like a warning I don’t understand.“Don’t touch it too much,” the event manager snaps as she adjusts it for the third time. “You’re modelling it, not fidgeting with it.”“I’m not…” I st
ElenaI don’t realize how tense my body is until he tells me to walk again.“Come,” Cillian says, his voice calm, controlled, like everything in his world already bends to him, and I hate how my body reacts to it before my brain does. I hesitate for half a second, just enough to remind myself I don
ElenaI stay where I am for a second longer than I should, my back still pressed against the wall, my lungs working too hard as I try to steady my breathing. My heart hasn’t slowed since the auction. Since the car. Since him. Every word he said is still sitting in my head, sharp and suffocating: ma







