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Chapter Thirty-One: The Edge of Want

Author: Key Kirita
last update Huling Na-update: 2026-01-04 10:48:11

I found him in the den.

Ruarc lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling like he was trying to read something in the cracks. There was no sound—not even the heavy rise and fall of breath that used to rattle the stone walls when his heat took hold. Just stillness. Stillness, and the shape of him—human, not half-shifted, not snarling.

The den still smelled like him. Wild and warm. Like smoke that never cleared. The stone beneath my boots held a faint heat, like the room remembered what he’d been.

I stayed in the doorway for a long time.

The last time I’d been near him, he hadn’t let me get close. He’d begged me to leave, voice ragged with desperation and fury and fear. Not for himself. For me.

He said he’d hurt me.

Now he didn’t say anything at all.

I stepped inside.

He didn’t flinch. Didn’t growl. Just turned his head the slightest bit, enough to let me know he saw me. That it was safe.

I crossed the room slowly and lowered myself onto the stone floor beside him, leaving inches between
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  • Bound To Ruin   Chapter Thirty-Five: Feral

    The first thing I noticed was the air.It wasn’t heavy, not yet—but it was thick in the way of storms. Expectant. The walls hummed. Not loud, not tangible, but I could feel it along the edge of my skin like a presence waiting to be named. It carried the scent of moss and ash and something feral underneath it all, something older than pain.Something was wrong.I felt it in the marrow of me before I let myself believe it. Before I said his name in my head. Before I let my feet turn toward the corridor he’d claimed.Ruarc.He’d gone quiet again. Too quiet. I hadn’t seen him since I returned—not fully. Just flashes of his scent in the hallway. The memory of a growl behind stone. The impression of someone pacing just beyond the threshold of control.He was hiding. Or caging himself.Again.I didn’t want to find him.But I couldn’t stop walking.His door was ajar.That was the first sign.The second was the heat.It rolled from the room like breath from a furnace—damp, cloying, tinged with

  • Bound To Ruin   Chapter Thirty-Four: Quiet

    I didn’t announce my return. I just opened the door.The air that met me was cooler than I remembered. Or maybe I was just warmer now, alive in a way I hadn’t been in days. My limbs ached from disuse, and the pressure behind my eyes hadn’t fully faded—but I was standing. I was moving.That was enough.Calyx was there before I took three steps into the corridor. He didn’t come from the hall or rise from a shadow. He was simply—there. Eyes wide. Breath held. Staring at me like I was a ghost returned from the edge of something holy and ruined."You're back," he breathed, like it hurt to say.I stopped. Only for a second. My eyes met his.I didn’t smile. I didn’t soften."No. I came out of my room."I walked past him. My shoulder brushed the edge of his coat, and he flinched—just slightly, like he wanted to reach for me and couldn’t remember how.His breath caught behind me, but he didn’t follow. I felt the tension of him straining against whatever instinct told him to stay.His gaze foll

  • Bound To Ruin   Chapter Thirty-Three: This Is How She Breaks

    I didn’t run.I just walked back to my chambers and closed the door.No one followed. They couldn’t.The prison had rules, and this was the only one it seemed willing to uphold for my sake: my chambers were mine. A boundary that couldn’t be crossed unless I gave permission.I didn’t give it.The lock clicked into place behind me, and the moment it did, the pressure in the walls withdrew. Like even the stone was relieved to be shut out. Like it knew what I was about to do and didn’t want to watch.I lit no lamps.I didn’t need to see myself fall apart.The herbs worked faster than I expected.The first night, the dreams were gone. No faces. No voices. No heat under my skin. I woke up cold and aching, but alone in my own mind.That felt like victory.So, I took more.Once at dusk. Once at waking. Ground into water or tucked under my tongue. Bitter as rot, but that only made it easier. I wanted to feel it. I wanted to punish whatever part of me still wanted them.The days stopped meaning

  • Bound To Ruin   Chapter Thirty-Two: A Seat at the Table

    The scent of Ruarc still clung to me.It lingered like a bruise I couldn’t see—on my skin, in my shirt, in the air I breathed. Every step toward the kitchen felt heavier, like I was dragging a shadow behind me. Him. His touch. His mouth. His want. And the hollow ache he left in me that hadn’t yet found a name.I didn’t stop moving.Not when my stomach twisted with guilt. Not when the back of my throat burned from unshed tears. Not when my legs felt like they didn’t belong to me anymore. I didn’t stop.I cooked.But not like before.This wasn’t care. This wasn’t survival.This was a declaration.Each motion was sharp. Clean. The knife sliced with surgical precision, the vegetables surrendering beneath its edge without resistance. I stirred broth until it simmered and spat. I seared meat until it hissed. I didn’t taste. I didn’t pause. I didn’t let myself feel anything beyond the ache in my shoulders and the rhythmic clatter of tools and fire.The kitchen didn’t welcome me.It obeyed.T

  • Bound To Ruin   Chapter Thirty-One: The Edge of Want

    I found him in the den.Ruarc lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling like he was trying to read something in the cracks. There was no sound—not even the heavy rise and fall of breath that used to rattle the stone walls when his heat took hold. Just stillness. Stillness, and the shape of him—human, not half-shifted, not snarling.The den still smelled like him. Wild and warm. Like smoke that never cleared. The stone beneath my boots held a faint heat, like the room remembered what he’d been.I stayed in the doorway for a long time.The last time I’d been near him, he hadn’t let me get close. He’d begged me to leave, voice ragged with desperation and fury and fear. Not for himself. For me.He said he’d hurt me.Now he didn’t say anything at all.I stepped inside.He didn’t flinch. Didn’t growl. Just turned his head the slightest bit, enough to let me know he saw me. That it was safe.I crossed the room slowly and lowered myself onto the stone floor beside him, leaving inches between

  • Bound To Ruin   Chapter Thirty: What He Saw

    I stood at the edge of Calyx’s wing for longer than I wanted to admit, one hand resting on the cold stone archway, heart lodged somewhere between shame and defiance. The door was cracked. Light spilled out—a soft, flickering amber glow, like he’d lit the lanterns even though he wasn’t waiting for anyone. Or maybe he was. Maybe some part of him always was.I stepped inside.He didn’t turn.Calyx stood at the window, arms folded behind his back, tension radiating from him in quiet pulses. His hair was loose, falling around his shoulders in gentle waves, but nothing about him looked soft. Not the way he held himself. Not the silence that coiled around him like armor.I opened my mouth to speak. Nothing came out.What was I even going to say? That I didn’t regret it? That I did? That I hadn’t chosen Eirseth over him, not really—just chosen something in a moment when my body needed to stop aching and my heart needed to stop floating?I took a breath. It caught halfway in my throat.“I didn

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