PERCIE
Fifteen months ago…
We were in an accident. My ears still tingled from the silence after the impact.
I couldn’t move. Emma was pressed against me.
“E-Em?” I coughed. My voice trembled. “Em?” My throat choked up.
She didn’t respond. She didn’t move.
I wanted to shake her badly, but I was so weak to do so. I smelled blood. It rolled down my temple to my face and neck.
The smoke started to sting my nostrils.
I started to hear noises from outside the car. The commotion escalated.
The sirens of the ambulance resounded.
Although my eyes were blurry, I whirled my gaze around and saw a bunch of heads surrounding us and the flashes of lights.
I thought I was okay.
I could still remember the paramedics who arrived and took me from the collision. Unfortunately, Emma wasn’t. I was still shaking with fear with what happened and for Emma.
They brought us to the hospital by separate ambulance. Even if I wanted to refuse and go with Emma instead, I didn’t have the strength.
All I wanted right was for her to be okay. I wanted to scream out these indescribable feelings—rage, fear, despair as it all came back to my senses, but my voice came out a pitiful cry.
“Emma?” My parents came rushing to where the bed I laid in.
“Mom. I'm sorry,” I told them about Emma. They left and never came back.
I still didn’t know anything about Emma’s condition. They had to drug me when I struggled to go down from my bed to check up on her, and the drug didn’t help me.
“How’s she? The girl was with me?” I asked the doctor about Emma, and it was not good news. I felt the world fell onto me.
I wouldn’t wonder why none of them came back. They blamed. Well, I would take the fall even if they had to hate me. That was the punishment I had to endure for the rest of my life.
I almost killed Emma. They discharged me after twenty-four hours of observation.
***
Emma had been in a coma for three days. After the CT scan and MRI results, Emma had a spinal cord injury. Something about her T6 paraplegia or SCI T6 paraplegia. Whatever it was, it didn’t sound good. One thing I was sure of, she had paralysis and wouldn’t be ever to walk for the rest of her life.
She was still unconscious. The next time I peeped in her door, they removed the tube, and she was breathing with the help of the oxygen. Still, there were so many things attached to her that looked scary.
It felt like I carried the whole world around my shoulder to see her in that position. She must be in pain. The worse part was, I was not allowed to see her in her room.
I wished I could change position with her. What happened was all my fault.
My heart broke. What about her future? How did she take the news? Did she blame me too? Of course, she did. I was sure she hated me.
Life was so unfair. I was the one here standing and walking on my own. She took all the force.
Emma woke up five days later. Her paralysis, I guess, was permanent now. I was still sneaking into the hospital. Emma then found out that my name was not on her visitor’s list.
I finally got a chance to talk to her on the eighteenth day. She was alone.
She looked better. Still beautiful even when her eyes were closed. I finally held her hand after the long eighteen days, and it was a relief.
“Hey, Em.” My eyes started to sting. I had to look up to control my tears from falling, but I failed miserably. I wiped my face and planted a kiss on her knuckles. I wanted to say something. I just didn’t know what to say or where to start after what I put her through.
“Perce?” I was startled in my seat.
“I thought you’ll never show up.” Her words were like a whisper. I missed her voice. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me with a smile on her face.
I blinked and swallowed the guilt down. Somehow, relief washed over me that Emma seemed happy to see me. I was still speechless, though—and surprise to see her talking.
Guilt was an understatement of how I felt. At the same time, I was beyond grateful. I stared closely, searching for the sadness on her face and in her eyes. I knew her, masking her emotions was not one of her best suits.
“We don’t have all day to just staring at each other. The visiting hour is limited, Perce. If you’re blaming yourself because of what happened, please, don’t.” She slightly shook her head.
“I’m so sorry.” I just threw all her dreams away. It was difficult to breathe, knowing it was all my fault. I’d been crying all day and night, but it didn’t even help.
“I’m not blaming you. The last thing I remembered, you said to me to go back to my seat and secured my seatbelt, but I refused,” she said slowly.
Still, it didn’t help with my guilt. I looked down at our hands. I sniffed and wiped my tears again. All I could do was nod as if it was okay, but I was far from okay.
“Mom and Dad won’t let you come, I know. I asked them if you came here to see me. They said you never give a damn about what happened. I figured out later on that they didn’t allow you to see me.” My parents were the worse person in the world, blacklisting me. I sneaked all the time when no one was around, just to take a glimpse of her.
I couldn’t look at her in the eye again. I nodded.
“I’m glad you’re okay, Perce. The moment I woke up, I thought of you.” She paused. “Say something, please?” She squeezed my hand. “Mom and Dad didn’t tell me if you were okay. I’m thankful you’re here now. I really miss you, Perce.”
When she started crying, I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart was crashing. I got up from my chair and sat beside her. I pulled her into my arms, hugged her so tight, and burst into a cry. She wrapped her arms around me too. We both cried for a few moments.
“I really want to see you the moment I was released, but they wouldn’t allow me. I had to sneak in to see you from outside your room. I’m so sorry, Emma. I wish I could reverse the situation. It’s killing me to see you here in bed while I didn’t get any injuries. I wish I’m the one lying where you are right now. I’m so sorry, Emma. I know apologies won’t help you, but I’ve never felt so helpless until right now.”
I wiped the tears from her face. I pulled some tissue on her bedside and let her blew her nose. I did the same, making her giggle.
“Don’t apologize, Perce. That was meant to happen. I already accepted my fate. I’m glad you’re okay, though, and please stop blaming yourself.”
Why she had to be so kind and accepted her injury? It made me guiltier.
PERCIE It had been a week since I met Hailey. I was not supposed to think about her, but I couldn’t just stop, and it was starting to get annoying. It was maybe because they somehow looked alike. I started looking at myself in the mirror, counting our similarities. She didn’t talk much, as if socially withdrawn. She only said five words during the entire dinner then she excused herself. Keith mentioned that she would be starting her college at Hillston this semester. What a coincidence. My stupid inner-self somehow hoped for the possibility that we might bump with each other. As he promised, he took my number. Now, we were constantly exchanging texts. He even invited me for dinner again. I made an excuse that I couldn’t make it, which was the truth. I had to meet Grandpa every Saturday. But Keith didn’t buy my excuse. So I had to meet him again. Grandpa was relieved that I started talking to someo
PERCIEFifteen months ago…“I knew what you have, Emma. I knew about your condition. Why can’t you blame me? Yell at me or hate me? It makes me guiltier. Why do you have to be so cool about this?” I shook my head and stood up from her bed. I scratched my head out of frustration.“You sound okay with this. I hate seeing you like this. It’s killing me, Emma. Tell me why it’s so easy for you to accept all of these?” My voice rose a little.Her lips quivered. Jesus. Nothing in this world I did right. I settled beside her again as I dwelled my own agony.“I’m sorry, Em. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to put myself in this situation. I don’t even know what to do with myself without you. I don’t mean to yell at you. I’m just so frustrated and lost that I am so useless to you.” I kissed her forehead. ”Emma, I love you
PERCIE Fourteen months ago. My life was doomed the moment I walked out of the house where I grew up. I just lost everyone I loved. I lost my home, Emma, my family, friends, and even myself. I knew I was still alive because I could still feel the excruciating pain when I thought of them. My old life two months ago was near perfect, and everything went according to plan until that incident had drastically changed my life. I loathed myself. But I guessed I deserved to feel every agonizing pain I felt right now. When I arrived at my grandparent's house, they were already waiting for me. I could see the pain in their eyes. I cried until I gave up, but the pain was still there. It was even worse. I couldn’t eat. The food was upsetting my stomach. I couldn’t sleep. The nightmare was constantly visiting me the moment I closed my eyes. I kept myself awake, listening to o
PERCIE I called Grandpa that night after coming home from dinner at Ward’s house. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to live with a young woman on the same roof? I’m not worried about you, but about that girl. She’s a cop’s daughter, Percival.” He sighed from the other line. “And what is the problem there? She won’t stay here long once she finds a roommate.” “And if she won’t? You’re a young man, Percival. How about the temptations? When was the last time you get laid? Or jerked off yourself?” My face heated with embarrassment. Why grandpa had to remind me of my boring sex life?Jeez. “Jesus, Grandpa. Can we not talk about my sex life, please?” I rolled my eyes. This is not the topic I wanted to talk about with him, but he had a point. “Up to you, Percival, but if it helps you improve your social skills, then go ahead. Just treat her right, and behave, okay?”
PERCIE Fourteen months ago… “Oh, boy. Did you just apologize? I can’t believe you can still remember words. I thought your brain is drained, too.” Grandma snorted while raising her brow. “Stop making him feel guilty, Grace. Look at him. He doesn’t have any more left in him other than his skin and bones. Why won’t you try to cheer him up by telling him about his new apartment.” “Wait, what?” I asked quickly. I felt something new inside me. Excitement? Hope? “You found an apartment for me?” Grandma hit Grandpa’s arm playfully. “You, old mutt. Can’t keep your mouth shut for a while, can you? Now, where is the moment of surprise there?” Grandpa laughed. “Surprise my butt. He got one surprised already. I think that’s good enough for him to get outside his hell hole.” After the longest three weeks, I found myself smiling. “Thanks to both of you.” Grandma waved her hand. “Don’t thank us yet. You’ll pay
PERCIE Thirteen months ago… I left that day from rehab, defeated, but it wouldn’t stop me from seeing her again. I wanted to prove that it was a stupid mistake. And I had no plan on doing it again. Despite my defeat, I still had one reason to move forward. My grandparents brought me to my new apartment. I didn’t even know that Grandpa was busy furnishing while I was busy trying to kill myself. The fully furnished two-bedroom apartment met my taste. The black leather couches in the small living room with 46” flat tv screen mounted on the wall, a 60” framed art poster of my favorite football team, taken during their championship game. A small kitchen with stainless steel appliances and what caught my attention was the latest coffeemaker. Then the coal-colored cupboards, countertops, and kitchen island. My dark blue-colored bedroom had queen size bed, two nightstands, and a closet of the same color. There wa
PERCIE I groaned when my alarm went off. I got up from bed lazily, rubbed my eyes, and walked outside my room. I led my way to the kitchen, halted when someone yelped. My sleepiness was gone in an instant. I curse under my breath. Hailey’s wide eyes met mine. Her lips slightly parted. It slipped off my mind that I wasn’t alone anymore. We both stared at each other for a few seconds. I blinked twice. Shit! I just remembered that I was only wearing boxers, and she didn’t have to know when a guy just got up from bed, someone, or rather something, woke up as well. ”Sorry.” I ran back to my room. I looked down at my half-naked body. Fuck. I grabbed a shirt and sweatpants and put them on quickly. I walked into my bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and rinsed my face again. I sniffed my underarm. Why am I doing these?Did I just ask myself in the
PERCIE Thirteen months ago… We talked every day until Thursday. I missed talking with her on Friday, though. I asked Grandpa if they would come with me tomorrow. I was a little excited to see her again. This time I wouldn’t disappoint and upset her. I picked up my grandparents at their home. I already dropped by at the flower shop for Emma. I knew what she liked. “Look at you. Finally, the old Percie.” Grandpa patted my back. I rolled my eyes. “We met last week, Grandpa.” “You look a lot better today, Percie.” “About that.” I laughed. I was actually eating like a starved animal. “I have to go to the grocery after I see Emma.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Don’t worry about it. Grace would love to do that when she sees you like that.” Grandma showed up and opened her arms wider to hug me. My heart melted. My parents didn’t care about me, but these two loved me like their own s