PERCIE
I laid back on the cold tiled bench with my arms as my pillow. I looked up at the gray ceiling without anything in my thoughts.
I was bored to death for the last five hours, locked up for punching my boss in the face. He hit his wife in front of his car repair shop where I worked as a mechanic--well, used to, since he just fired me. Who was in the fucking hell hurt women if not some losers like him?
I didn’t like people hitting women because they would look misogynistic. When I saw him yell at his wife, my fists developed brains on their own. Whatever she did, that didn’t give him the right to hit her. He could confront her privately, but he was an asshole. My anger took over me. So, I punched him before I even realized I did it, which resulted in me getting arrested for physical assault.
I didn’t enjoy seeing women being abused, bullied, and men thought that made them stronger. Women were born to be loved and respected unless they deserved to be treated the way they were. Still, there were so many ways a person could do other than hurting them.
Still, I was not to judge that. What goes around comes around.
I ignored the footsteps. I was still staring at the tedious gray ceiling. For the whole year, my life was fucking is black and white. Or maybe, it was completely black, like my soul. Who cares? Nobody.
A clinking sound of keys in the steel bars caught my attention. A 40-year-old, medium build man wearing a blue police uniform unlocked the cell door.
“You’re free to go, Matthews. Don’t come back. You don’t deserve to be here. There’s a lot ahead of you, young man. Get out, and enjoy your life while you can,” the police officer said. He inspected me from head to toe. I was still lying, immobilized.
He didn’t have any idea what happened to my life. My life was worse than being locked up and worst than being in hell, literally.
I stood up lazily, yawned, and stretched out. “Who came here to bail me?” I was not expecting anyone, especially my parents, and certainly not my friends because I didn’t have anyone in my life since last year. My grandparents would probably let me rot in here if they found out I punched someone because life was unfair.
I followed him as he walked towards the claim desk.
“The old man dropped the charge against you,” he explained while staring at me. “Take your things, son, and go home.”
I stopped by the claim area. He gave me my things back--wallet, keys, and my bracelet.
“Thank you, officer.”
He nodded.
I read his name on his uniform.
“You’re welcome. Do you need a ride? I'm leaving, anyway.”
My brows creased. A part of me still wanted to stay in the cell because I still had to think about looking for a job tomorrow.
Then, here was this good man trying to help me. I couldn’t believe he offered me a ride, even if he was aware that I just punched someone in the face.
“It’s okay, officer. I can get a cab from here. Thanks, though.” There were still few good people in this world who helped someone in need. But I didn’t need him, and I certainly didn’t deserve his help.
“Come on, son. Where do you live? I’ll drop you off there.” He walked ahead of me.
I had no choice but to follow him out of the police station. “Really, sir. I don’t want to bother you more than I already did.”
He waved off his hand. “You’re coming with me. Now, get your ass in my car.”
I hid my smile while he motioned me to get in the passenger’s side. I couldn’t remember the last time I smiled. It was foreign to me anymore.
I got in. The first thing I noticed was the smell of strawberries.
“My daughter loves that air freshener,” as if he reads my mind, he said before he drove us out of the parking lot.
“So, what’s your story, young man? Aside from what you did today?” Officer Ward asked me, giving me a few glances when I chose to keep my mouth shut.
This was what I was scared of, people wanted to read me and know me. I’d been successfully avoiding a conversation like this. It wouldn’t only hurt me, but it ripped up the wound open. The older it got, the more it rotten me slowly. I wished I just died that night. It was still taunting me whether I was wide awake, in my sleep, or with nightmares.
“Don’t answer me. I’m just a nosy old man.”
Something deep inside me chuckled. I swallowed hard. I had to blink rapidly to push the memory of that night.
He might see me as the kind of guy who shared his feelings with a stranger, but I’d rather keep the past where it was.
“I’m sorry, Officer Ward. I’m a sophomore in college at Hillston. I want to take biology. Then maybe, one day, pursue Medicine specializes in Neurosurgery.”
I was so not comfortable telling everyone about my life, about my plan. Since last year, after the horrific accident, I had kept myself away from people. I ignored everyone, including my parents. I’d never been with anyone, just my grandparents, who were very considerate enough to look after me when my parents should have.
I couldn’t even look at every girl’s eyes. They would only remind me of her. I’d been an ass and cruel to everyone who thought they knew me, my pain, and my loss, but they didn’t have a fucking clue why I became who I was today—the cold and callous Percie.
“You surprise me. I couldn't imagine you choosing that field.”
I chuckled. I knew what he was doing. He knew I have had built walls, and he tried to get into those walls.
Considering that I’d never shared this with anyone, I admired his tenacity. But I still had a lot of time to change plans or maybe not plan at all.
“Call me Percival, sir. That's just a plan, Officer Ward. I could change my mind anytime, but that was my first choice, though.”
He pulled over at the intersection. Whenever I passed by in a place like this, sometimes, it became too much, too nostalgic. I wished I could rewind at least 10 seconds. I could probably avoid that to happen.
I closed my eyes and released a shuddering breath.
“Have dinner in my house, Percival. It’s almost dinner anyway. I’ll send you home after.”
I stared at him incredulously. This man was impossible.
“Officer Ward, you really don’t have to do this. Why are you even inviting me to your home? You don’t know me. I could be a bad person.”
He glanced at me in disbelief, seemingly taken aback. “Are you, Percival? A bad person?”
I sighed in defeat. “Fine. Don’t blame me or put me back in jail if I plan on stealing your collections or your gun, then run away.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I’m not worried about that. First of all, call me Keith. Second, I don’t have collections, and third, you can steal my gun, but I doubt if you even know how to carry this,” he says, pointing at his pistol still tucked in the holster of his belt.
I shrugged. “I watched Wild Wild West movie.”
“Don’t depend on what you see. YouTube is one of those things you should avoid when learning something new. I don’t think you can even think of pulling a trigger. I may be old, but I doubt you are violent, Percie. You may have had difficult times, but I know you are just trying to be distant and try avoiding people to get into your life. That doesn't mean you are a bad person. You still have a good heart.”
You don’t even want to imagine what I’ve been going through.
“I don’t have a good heart, Keith. You definitely have no idea who I am and what I did.”
He stopped the car in front of a blue-grey two-story house.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
PERCIE The last time I saw a house like this was when I was with her. Just that memory alone felt like I'd been stabbed in my heart over and over again. “Son, let me ask you one thing. Why did you risk yourself punching your boss when you saw him hitting his wife?” My eyes narrowed at his intrusion. “Is it a defense mechanism? Or because you didn’t like him abusing his wife in front of everyone?” I opened the door and got out silently. He didn’t want to go there. He leaned his arms against the roof of his car and said, “I don’t wanna know, son, but whatever it is, I know it’s hard for you, and it may take some time. But you will get there. My nose flared in anger and in pain. I pressed my lips together to stop from blurting out something he wasn't ready to hear. I just punched someone a few hours ago. I couldn’t punch him, and besides, he was a police officer.
PERCIE Fifteenmonths ago… We were in an accident. My ears still tingled from the silence after the impact. I couldn’t move. Emma was pressed against me. “E-Em?”I coughed. My voice trembled. “Em?”My throat choked up. She didn’t respond. She didn’t move. I wanted to shake her badly, but I was so weak to do so. I smelled blood. It rolled down my temple to my face and neck. The smoke started to sting my nostrils. I started to hear noises from outside the car. The commotion escalated. The sirens of the ambulance resounded. Although my eyes were blurry, I whirled my gaze around and saw a bunch of heads surrounding us and the flashes of lights. I thought I was okay. I could still remember the paramedics who arrived and took me from the collision. Unfortunately, Emma wasn’t. I w
PERCIE It had been a week since I met Hailey. I was not supposed to think about her, but I couldn’t just stop, and it was starting to get annoying. It was maybe because they somehow looked alike. I started looking at myself in the mirror, counting our similarities. She didn’t talk much, as if socially withdrawn. She only said five words during the entire dinner then she excused herself. Keith mentioned that she would be starting her college at Hillston this semester. What a coincidence. My stupid inner-self somehow hoped for the possibility that we might bump with each other. As he promised, he took my number. Now, we were constantly exchanging texts. He even invited me for dinner again. I made an excuse that I couldn’t make it, which was the truth. I had to meet Grandpa every Saturday. But Keith didn’t buy my excuse. So I had to meet him again. Grandpa was relieved that I started talking to someo
PERCIEFifteen months ago…“I knew what you have, Emma. I knew about your condition. Why can’t you blame me? Yell at me or hate me? It makes me guiltier. Why do you have to be so cool about this?” I shook my head and stood up from her bed. I scratched my head out of frustration.“You sound okay with this. I hate seeing you like this. It’s killing me, Emma. Tell me why it’s so easy for you to accept all of these?” My voice rose a little.Her lips quivered. Jesus. Nothing in this world I did right. I settled beside her again as I dwelled my own agony.“I’m sorry, Em. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to put myself in this situation. I don’t even know what to do with myself without you. I don’t mean to yell at you. I’m just so frustrated and lost that I am so useless to you.” I kissed her forehead. ”Emma, I love you
PERCIE Fourteen months ago. My life was doomed the moment I walked out of the house where I grew up. I just lost everyone I loved. I lost my home, Emma, my family, friends, and even myself. I knew I was still alive because I could still feel the excruciating pain when I thought of them. My old life two months ago was near perfect, and everything went according to plan until that incident had drastically changed my life. I loathed myself. But I guessed I deserved to feel every agonizing pain I felt right now. When I arrived at my grandparent's house, they were already waiting for me. I could see the pain in their eyes. I cried until I gave up, but the pain was still there. It was even worse. I couldn’t eat. The food was upsetting my stomach. I couldn’t sleep. The nightmare was constantly visiting me the moment I closed my eyes. I kept myself awake, listening to o
PERCIE I called Grandpa that night after coming home from dinner at Ward’s house. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to live with a young woman on the same roof? I’m not worried about you, but about that girl. She’s a cop’s daughter, Percival.” He sighed from the other line. “And what is the problem there? She won’t stay here long once she finds a roommate.” “And if she won’t? You’re a young man, Percival. How about the temptations? When was the last time you get laid? Or jerked off yourself?” My face heated with embarrassment. Why grandpa had to remind me of my boring sex life?Jeez. “Jesus, Grandpa. Can we not talk about my sex life, please?” I rolled my eyes. This is not the topic I wanted to talk about with him, but he had a point. “Up to you, Percival, but if it helps you improve your social skills, then go ahead. Just treat her right, and behave, okay?”
PERCIE Fourteen months ago… “Oh, boy. Did you just apologize? I can’t believe you can still remember words. I thought your brain is drained, too.” Grandma snorted while raising her brow. “Stop making him feel guilty, Grace. Look at him. He doesn’t have any more left in him other than his skin and bones. Why won’t you try to cheer him up by telling him about his new apartment.” “Wait, what?” I asked quickly. I felt something new inside me. Excitement? Hope? “You found an apartment for me?” Grandma hit Grandpa’s arm playfully. “You, old mutt. Can’t keep your mouth shut for a while, can you? Now, where is the moment of surprise there?” Grandpa laughed. “Surprise my butt. He got one surprised already. I think that’s good enough for him to get outside his hell hole.” After the longest three weeks, I found myself smiling. “Thanks to both of you.” Grandma waved her hand. “Don’t thank us yet. You’ll pay
PERCIE Thirteen months ago… I left that day from rehab, defeated, but it wouldn’t stop me from seeing her again. I wanted to prove that it was a stupid mistake. And I had no plan on doing it again. Despite my defeat, I still had one reason to move forward. My grandparents brought me to my new apartment. I didn’t even know that Grandpa was busy furnishing while I was busy trying to kill myself. The fully furnished two-bedroom apartment met my taste. The black leather couches in the small living room with 46” flat tv screen mounted on the wall, a 60” framed art poster of my favorite football team, taken during their championship game. A small kitchen with stainless steel appliances and what caught my attention was the latest coffeemaker. Then the coal-colored cupboards, countertops, and kitchen island. My dark blue-colored bedroom had queen size bed, two nightstands, and a closet of the same color. There wa