4

"Fine, I'll abort it!"

Zack nodded, and before he left, he looked at me and said, “You made the right choice. I hope you never put me in this situation ever again.” And left without looking back.

At that moment, I felt like my world has completely fallen apart, even more so than it did at the hospital because somewhere deep inside me I had wanted to keep this child.

I loved my husband, but this baby was my chance for motherhood. I realized that I was between a rock and a hard place and had to make a decision.

I was scared of what Zack would do if I chose to keep the baby, and at the same time, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. He wasn’t just my mate, he was my everything and I can’t afford to throw it all away just like that.

 I broke down in tears as soon as he left the room. I had just lost everything - my mate, his trust, and even my own self-respect. The thought of killing my own baby stung me deeply, but I felt like I had no other option.

I sat alone, filled with remorse and regret, knowing that I  may have ruined my life by making the wrong choice. I prayed for the forgiveness of the moon goddess, hoping that someday she would be able to make things right again.

Hours later and I found myself at the top most balcony, sitting in a wicker chair and staring out over the top of the sea of dark green trees behind our house.

I cradled a cup of brandy to my chest but it was practically forgotten as I gazed at the sun as it set. The sky was a mesmerizing swirl of pink, green, and red, and would have captured my attention on any other day. Today though, it barely even registered.

I was not thinking - no, my thoughts were too silent, too glacial for that. By the goddess, I was moping. I just wanted to sit here until tomorrow comes around and everything in my life goes back to normal. 

I wondered why I did not lie to Zack earlier. I guess somewhere deep down, I had not expected him to react like he did despite knowing better. I had hoped that he would be understanding, that he would just... accept me, no, accept the situation. 

Looking back on it, I realized that I was selfish - oh, so fucking selfish. Of course I would accept it more readily. Of fucking course I would not see it as Zack does. 

This child growing in me right now was part of me. He or she carried part of my blood and flesh since I was the mother. But I guess this would be too much for Zack.

In his eyes, this child had absolutely nothing to do with him. A bastard child, truly. He was already against the insemination procedure right from the start so this would only compound the problem. It would reinforce his belief that turning to scientific procedure was wrong.

Ugh, I was a complete fool. I should have lied. The way I said it like that, it probably came off as though I wanted to keep another man's child. Well, I kinda did but... damn it, this is a complete mess. I should have waited, broke it to him quietly. I am such an utter moron.

I wonder what Zack thinks of me now. I am not certain we would ever be as we were before. 

My phone rang, breaking me from my stupor. I felt around the side table for the device and when I got it, squinted at the screen, trying to make out who the caller was. It was doctor Vera - probably calling to check up on me. I groaned and picked the call but kept silent.

"Hello? Mrs. Evans?" The doctor said, her voice coming through the phone sounding tired.

"Hello," I managed to croak.

"Are you alright? How did-"

"Look, doctor, I appreciate the sentiment, but I really am not in the mood for this right now."

There was a pause from the other side. 

"Okay," she said eventually. "I'm really, really sorry. Um, take care." She hung up from her end.

I sighed wearily, dropped the phone, and leaned back in my seat. Well, back to moping. After that I'll see if I can get some shut eye tonight.

"I am such an idiot," I whispered.

**

I stared forlornly at the ceiling, a dozen and one emotions roiling about within me, none of them welcome. 

It has been a night since I came home with news about the clinic’s mistake and Zack has been broody ever since. 

He and I are yet to speak since the reveal at the sitting room and it has been eating at me since then. I did not have the courage to face him after I had suddenly suggested that we keep the baby.

I had anticipated his reaction. But I did not expect it to be this extreme. I mean we have had arguments before. Hell, we have arguments every time. On the way he runs his pack, on his quests for more territory, on the way he treats the omegas. And he had always bounced back.

I guess this one hit him hard. He’s been looking for an heir for long after all. Guess he is scared of losing all he has worked for when he is gone. So I had expected the reaction. But he should be long over it by now.

I stood up and paced bit, wondering whether I should go apologize and just move on to the hospital and get on with the abortion. Or whether I should try convincing him once more. Neither option looked appealing.

I paced some more, trying to decide what to do. I really want to keep the baby. But I knew what it would bring. It would bring discord between Zack and I. I wanted to curl into a ball and weep my eyes out but I have been doing that all day since yesterday, and it got old fast.

No, what I needed right now was action. I needed to come to a decision and resolve within me what I wanted to do. The path I wanted to take. And I think I knew the answer.

I sighed and flopped back onto the sofa. When all was said and done, Zack was all I had. He was my whole world, and I do not think I was ready to risk that on the child I have never met. 

Heck, I was not even sure he or she would be delivered all right. I was not about to risk my marriage for an uncertain future.

After this hiccup, Zack may not favor an artificial insemination procedure again, and that was a method down the drain – we would be forced to wait upon the moon goddess’ blessing once again – but at the very least, I and Zack would still be together, and happy too.

Mind made up I went to take a shower and dressed up for a visit to the fertility clinic.

“I’m going, Zack,” I called out to my mate as I left the door, my voice trembling ever so slightly.

I did not receive a response – not did i wait for one – but I was already crossing the lawn and going toward the garage.

In a minute I slipped into my car and immediately drove away.