C.I.A. Vampires

"You can have a seat, Ms. Star." A pretty receptionist in her mid-twenties greeted me with a friendly smile. "I'll let Dr. Abbott know you're here. He's expecting you."

Nodding curtly, my stiletto heels tapped rhythmically as I walked toward the seat she had indicated. I like heels. They make me look older. I know, usually women want to look younger. But I'm not like most women. Most women aren't vampires.

Once seated, I looked around the sparse, metallic room and breathed in a sigh, feeling the rush of air fill my lungs. I really don't need air to live. In fact, I can go for long periods of time without the lifegiving substance; hours, possibly a day if I have to. But to go without it for an extended period of time feels more and more uncomfortable the longer I go without it, until finally, my lungs feel as if they might explode if I don't breathe in. Breathing deeply now, feeling the air rush into my lungs, feels comforting, life giving.

Although I don't need air to live, blood is another thing altogether. Yes, I eat human food and it sustains me for a time, but not for long. But blood? That is my primary source of nourishment. Fulfillment, I guess, is more the word. For you see, blood is life giving, too. It flows freely through my veins like a human's, but my body actually metabolizes it for food, unlike a human. For humans, blood renews itself, creating an unending source of life. But within my body, blood isn't renewed. It's used. This leads me to my primary source of replenishment.

Relax, I once fed on humans. In fact, human blood tastes better and is more satisfying than any other source. Luscious, life-giving, human blood carries oxygen and metabolizes better within my body than any other kind, probably because it's closer to my own, since I once was human. But I swore off human blood long ago. After all, how can I protect humanity if I'm destroying it? It's an oxymoron, really. A contradiction. You can't protect the sanctity of life if you're taking it, so I swore off human blood.

My heart beats and my body functions just fine on animal blood, thank you very much. But I don't like rabbits, squirrels, and Bambi. I prefer big game. They present more of a challenge. I like the fight, the hunt, and the kill. I guess the killer instinct within me never left, even though I'd sworn off killing humans centuries ago. But I don't kill unless it's necessary. In fact, I will go out of my way to keep from killing, but just don't piss me off. Even though I've sworn not to kill humans doesn't mean I haven't been known to slip upon occasion.

As for the sun, I don't suddenly burst into flames. My skin glows in the sun as if I had just slathered baby oil over my skin. So I cover up in the sun, unless I'm at the beach, of course. Even though we try not to draw the attention of the humans, there are some of us that relish the attention. Hence, super models. Let's just say that many supermodels and I have a lot in common.

Even though the sun itself poses no threat, fire is my biggest enemy. When humans are burned, their skin blisters and peels, but when a vampire is burned, that part which was burned disintegrates, vanishing completely with no hope of repair.

While we're on the subject, let's clear up a few myths. Many myths were created with the sole purpose of giving humans the idea that they stood a chance against us, or else they wouldn't be able to sleep at night. So, go on believing and rest easy tonight, safe in your bed. Sure.

Anyway, the myths: (1) Yes, a stake in the heart will kill me, that is, if you can catch me first. Of course! My heart beats, although much more slowly than a human, therefore, it is fallible. It can stop. And if it stops for any length of time, I will die, but my rib cage is as strong as steel, so my heart is well protected. (2) Yes, I have super-human strength and reflexes. I can move at lightning speed, faster than a human's eye can see. (3) I don't have fangs, but I do have venom, and my venom can kill or turn a human into a vampire. If I bite a human, I must drain them completely, taking their life, or they will become like me. And they would not be happy with me once they recover, but most don't mind. (4) Garlic is great over pasta. (5) Coffins are for the dead. I only sleep when my body needs to rejuvenate itself, then I almost go into a coma, appearing to be dead ... until I awaken. Once, I gave a coroner a heart attack, literally, when I sat straight up on the table in the morgue. He didn't suffer.

I've been trained in every mode of self-defense known to man. I'm a 4th degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, but would probably be a 5th degree if I tested. I am a master at Jujitsu, Judo, Karate, and Kung Fu, as well. For a good work out, I do Kickboxing and Kumdo, which means "way of the sword" in Korean.

As for weapons, I am a master at all types of swords and guns, especially standard military issue weapons such as the M-16 rifle, the AA-12 automatic shotgun, Scar-H assault rifle, Barrett 50 cal sniper rifle, M-134 Gatling Gun, and grenade launchers. The usual. Also, I'm well versed in many ancient weapons that are currently obsolete such as the musket, and modern illegal weapons such as the Uzi and Ballistics Knife, a projectile knife primarily used by Russian military personnel. Oh, and I'm the military's greatest, most deadly weapon.

I have experience in every war since the Revolutionary War, and yes, I am American through and through. Why am I the military's greatest weapon? Because I'm a covert CIA operative. I don't exist, as far as the military is concerned.

The government caught word of my existence when I got a bit sloppy singlehandedly wiping out some mobsters in Chicago in 1929. They called it the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, promising to keep my identity-along with the fact that vampires exist-a secret. I mean, could you really sleep at night knowing we exist? It would cause mass panic and change the world as we know it.

Getting back to the CIA, they made me an offer I couldn't refuse-monetary, of course-and promised me the opportunity to save the world. I really didn't need the money since I was already very wealthy, but the opportunity to save the world? That I couldn't refuse. I've been working for the CIA since its inception during WWII, but I've been working for the government in some form since the Revolutionary War. Military intelligence has been important to the government since the time of George Washington. Believe me, I should now.