HOPE

CHAPTER 9

___________ALYSSA'S POV__________

It all felt like a really weird dream which I am begging to wake up from.

Was my mom really gone?

A search was been done around the house and they found a letter.

A sucide note if I most assume. But I refused to believe.

Why would my Mom even think of killing herself, and that, suddenly out of the blue?

My eyes once again scanned through it as my hands shaked while I read. It was as if her voice echoed and was been played in my head. Short and simple.

*Dearest Alyssa,

Am deeply sorry having to leave you this way, all by yourself. But I figured, it's high timing you learn to live on your own. I didn't find any fundaments in life anymore since news coming are really shifty and unexpected, so you would have to face it...alone. you need to live your life without me and in whatever path you choose, always remember, I won't be there anymore.*

Love you,

Mom.

Only one thing rang in my head next.

Was I the reason my Mom died?

★★★★

People kept talking and gossips spreads saying, I was the reason my mom took her own life.

Weren't they right after all?

I don't know who I should hate more. Myself or my mom for making me feel this way.

She had left me alone in this world to suffer with the guilt and burden after making me feel sorry for myself.

I hate her?

I want to hate her!

But I can't. She's my mother. The only good thing I have ever felt in my life. And now, she's gone. I don't feel any worth anymore.

My head has been filled with questions I don't think I would ever get answers to. But sure enough, I have decided to end it all.

I looked down from the roof top of our building as I watch people passing by, thinking I was crazy. And maybe I am.

The evening breeze swift across my face as my hair flew along.

There was no way I could survive anymore. My source of living, my mom, was now long gone. Been buried six feet below the ground. And my father? He isn't to be called a true man of worth, I must say.

He didn't even show up for the funeral leaving me to bare the shame after accusing and blaming me for his wife's death whom he chose to abandon weeks ago and now hanging around with some other women.

He is an asshole which makes us even cause the daughter of an asshole is considered as a bitch.

His words still liner in my head.

'I had told her right from the beginning not to birth you, you would only bring shame and regrets and I was right. If she hadn't, she would had still been alive till now. I should have killed you with my own bare hands when she didn't. What a waste of sperm, time and money.' He had hissed.

Well that does it. This life isn't meant for me. But maybe the next would.

Slowly touching my stomach, I felt sorry for the baby. It only wanted to come into this world but its only crime was that it had made a bad choice of a mother. Am not close to that. I hope it makes I better choice in it's next life also.

Taking a leg forward, I lifted it into thin air at the edge of the roof and closed my eyes. My balance staggered as I whispered.

"Sorry but I have no other option Mom. Just taking the same step you took in another direction. So you can't blame me." Tiers rolled down my cheek.

A heavy wind was enough to sweep me off my balance and both legs slipped down.

"Alyssa!!"

I was been grabbed firmly by an arm before my upper body got the access to go down. I was been pulled up and landed back on the roof top.

"Have you lost it! What on earth were you thinking?"

I looked up to see it was my cousin, Eva sky. Her mom and mine where siblings but don't really get along for some reasons which I don't think is any of the kids business. So it's been awhile since we last got intouched. And standing beside her was a brode looking man who I guessed to be a bodyguard. I got on my feet.

"Thanks Joe. I will take it from here."

He nodded and left before she turned back to me. She pulled me into a thight hug for awhile before pulling back.

"I was so scared to death! Look, I know you are going through alot right now but this is most certainly not the way to go about with it." She scold.

"You don't understand. You are not in same shoes as I am. And I don't pray you should be." I muttered.

She is just a year younger than I am but lives a lavish life which I am glad for her. I really am. Her Mom was lucky enough to find a rich man while mine was unfortunately stuck with my father who still didn't value her worth. My life is a mess. So I don't think she would ever get me.

"Do you mean the baby?" She asked.

My eyes shown in shock.

"You-"

"Yes I know. My Mom and Dad had people look out for you after your Mom had died. We tried locating you and so in the process, we found out." She explained. My mouth quivered. She held my hands.

"Listen, I know that no matter what I or anyone does, it would never change or make up for all that had happened. But that wouldn't stop me from trying. And I just want you to know that you are not alone. Never. We are also your family and you have us. We would always look out for eachother. So I think it would be best if you'd come live with us in the city. Away from here." She suggested. Her voice, calm and polite as she had always been. Her voice and words alone could manage and smoothen someone's bad day or mood. She has that spark. Knowing the right thing to say at the right time.

But it drawn to me. I have lived my own life behind the walls of the state.

This could be another chance of a right living for me. To leave far away from my past life. To stay alive, for myself. I had almost taken my own life just now but who knows what else lies ahead. or what the universe have had installed for me. Maybe another plan in life.

How much worse can my life ever be?

Leaving all these behind, my past, my fears, my nightmares. And to start afresh a new life in a new place and environment. Maybe that's just what I needed to keep alive.