Need For More

Serena looked at Mathew as he sat up in bed, grumbling about someone waking him up at this ungodly hour when he had a lot to do at the office in the morning. She was about to say she was sorry again when he looked at her like she was a nuisance and said, “That is childish, Serena, and I have told you before. I don’t expect you to keep making me repeat one thing over and over like you are a kid, you know.”

Serena was not so taken aback by his words. He could be grumpy when one disturbed his sleep, and she had done so because she knew if she lost her courage now, she might not be able to do it again later. Not that he would patiently listen to her anyway. Now was the right time.

“I am sorry,” she said softly.

Mathew sighed and looked at her face. “It is not as if I want to complain or anything. It is just that I have work to do. I understand that you might not get that since you only stay at home and all, but I have to work. I have to fight for my promotion, and that means I have to have enough rest. Not being awakened at this...,” he looked at their bedside clock.

It reads 4:13 am. Mathew hissed as he gave her an irritated look. “...at this ungodly hour. If you are not feeling sleepy, you could pray or go do something else. You have plenty of time to sleep later in the day anyway,” he said, as he thumped his fist against the cover.

“I said I am sorry. It is just that you wouldn’t listen when I want to tell you this in the morning. And when you are back in the evening, you just want to have your meal and sleep. You barely even look at me,” Serena said insistently.

Hating the whine in her voice, which Mathew had once told her made her sound like an immature kid, she cleared her throat and said softly, “That was unfair, you know. The jab about me not working. I intended to work, but you stopped me, remember? If you can tell your mom that you want me to work now, I am willing to go out there tomorrow and get something. I work at home too, you know. I cook, I clean, I…”

“Yes, yes, yes, I know. Not this conversation about work again, please. I am already developing a headache from you waking me up like that. I don’t want it to blow up into a migraine,” he sighed and looked at the hurt look on her face.

He sighed again, then patted her hand on the cover before leaning his head on the headboard. “Okay, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that you don’t work. You know I appreciate you, right?"

"I am up now. What did you want to say?” He asked, without waiting for her reply.

Serena peeked at him sideways, and she could see the relaxed posture on his face, like he was going back to sleep.

Her initial bravado was failing her already, and she wondered if it was even wise to say what she had thought of perfectly in her mind to him. Mathew was a conservative, and discussing that now with him...? Well, she had no idea how he would react, but she knew it might not be so favourable.

Should she just let it go and make do with what they have? She did not want to fight with him. She just wanted them to have a perfect family.

“A family you might never get to have if your next-to-nothing sex life continues like this,” her subconscious whispered to her.

Serena closed her eyes tightly and wondered where that brazen voice in her head had come from. It was getting more and more daring these days.

Like the other day when her mother-in-law had told her to make herself useful by doing what a woman was meant for in a marriage and that voice had almost made her say…

“I didn’t expect to stay up just to listen to you breathe as you stare off into space, you know?” Mathew’s voice jolted her, and she saw that he had opened one eye and had turned his head to look at her.

“Mathew, you know how it has been almost two years since we got married now?” She started with the feeling that this was not going to go well at all.

“Yeah?” Confusion was evident in Mathew’s voice even without the face he made as he looked at her.

“You know how we have always thought of how we would have our kids and start our family early?” He sighed and looked at her with a raised brow.

Serena got more animated, and she moved from where she was to face him. “Well, it's been almost two years now!” she exclaimed and looked at him like she expected him to get the hint.

He gave her a long look and then rubbed his hand over his face. “First, I know it has been almost two years. I have been here too. Two years ago, I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. Although there have been some dissatisfactory parts about it, I still count myself lucky, and I…”

The smile on Serena’s face faded as he mentioned dissatisfaction. “You… you are dissatisfied about our marriage?”

“No, no, not like that,” he said hurriedly, then he sighed when he saw her stubborn, disbelieving look. “Okay, maybe just a few things. But I believe you would…”

“What? This is about me? What things?” She asked in disbelief.

She had faults? Of course, she had faults. She was not a saint after all, but to be labelled dissatisfactory? She had made him dissatisfied?

“Oh. God, I shouldn’t have said that, should I?” He looked at her mutinous face. “It’s nothing in particular, okay? I just feel that you need to be more grounded, you know. To act more like a wife than a girlfriend. To act more mature”,

Serena couldn’t believe her ears. She couldn’t let this go, even if this sounded like breaking the rule of a good wife in his rule book “What? I am not a wife enough? How am I not supposed to act like a girlfriend when I was your girlfriend before I became your wife? When I…”

“Do you see what I am talking about? You… you are too emotional. A good wife should learn to control her emotions,” he said, with conviction.

Where were all these coming from?

“What? But you are my husband, and you were once my boyfriend. If I couldn’t even show my emotions to you, what would that make me? I don’t want to be an iceberg, Mathew,” she said, as she suddenly grew weary.

Why was she even fighting with him? She had something important to say, and now he might not even want to listen again.

“You are just… it is not as if I want to complain, you know. You know I wouldn’t complain about you. I love you, but I am not the only one that sees it. Just the other day, my mother was saying…”

“You discussed me with your mother? Again? After you promised to stop doing that? Why am I not surprised?” She asked as anger coloured her tone.

“You would not take that tone with me when talking about my mother, woman. She is my mother, and she deserves all the…”

“And I am your wife, and I believe I deserve something too. You apparently did not agree with me on that. You…” she sighed as she wondered how she had gotten off course. “Never mind. You can go back to your precious sleep. I promise not to disturb you again.”

He looked at her as she turned her back on him and said in a condescending tone, “She was right. When we start having babies, they will keep you grounded and make you behave more like a wife.”

Serena, who thought if she became more grounded than this, she would certainly become a root, turned back to him sharply.

“And that brings us full circle to what I intended to say before you…you.” She wondered what caused the lump in her throat even as she felt tears pool in her eyes. Stupid tears.

Mathew hated theatrics and had told her, but he was not about to bring that up now, not when her emotions were running high.

So he looked away from her swimming eyes as he asked, “What was it you wanted to discuss?”

Never would he have imagined what she fired back. Not from the mouth of his sweet Serena, “We need to have more sex!”

His head swerved back sharply to her in disbelief.

“What?"