circle of four

Amara Eldwood

Sweat beaded on my forehead and my brows furrowed in confusion when I peered into the empty box.

Nothing. Nothing save for a small sealed envelope that felt paper-light when my fingers brushed against it.

“Is this some sort of inside joke?” Ronan muttered, snapping up the box rudely to hold it to the light, as if expecting some sort of secret mechanism to reveal something bigger.

I snatched it out of his hand and watched his expression sour, hesitating before he prompted me, “Well? Are you going to open that?”

“Can I at least have some privacy?” I hissed, unsure why an edge of unease had settled in my mind.

“Hey! Give me that! You have no right!” I gasped after he snatched the letter from my hand, flicking it open with a snap of his claws as I jumped uselessly around him.

What was it with everyone in this pack and thinking they had a say over my freaking life?!

I watched the white wolf’s slow smirk freeze before it turned into a grimace and he wiped his face clean of emotion.

What?

My heart was pounding when I stepped away from him, the ragged noise of my breathing barely masking how ice cold the room had gotten.

It was something bad. I knew without asking, and yet, my jaw still quivered when I met the elite shifter’s sharp hazel eyes.

“I’m sorry, Mara,” He whispered, but I reached out to snatch the letter out of his now lowered hands before he could say anything more.

From Adrien. A letter from Adrien after all this time?

I hadn't realized I was hunched over the paper until my eyes flew over the inked cursive and the pit of despair that had been steaming in my belly yawned wide open.

“No…” I panted, my hands shaking so violently that I stumbled back into the vanity, making the glass rattle loudly in its frame.

‘It is with great sadness that I announce the passing of our beloved mother. The one thing that held us together in this world. She died alone, dreaming of a future where her daughter didn't become a bastard and run off with enemy wolves. You are a wanted woman in Shadow and all our ally packs now. I should have known it was just like you to hop from cock to cock if its what you have to do to keep yourself fed and your nails pretty. 

Let us never meet again.

Adrien.”

“I’m sorry, Mara. Your brother sounds like an asshole—” Ronan started, but a rage so explosive that it threatened to burst through my chest overwhelmed me.

“You had no right! You had no right to open this!” I bellowed, scrunching up the letter in my hand and watching a look of alarm flicker across his hard, square face.

There was no one else I could be angry at other than myself, and yet, everything inside me wanted to blame him for it.

I would have thrown the entire box out if he hadn’t insisted on me opening it! And now I had to find out in the worst way possible that my mother was dead.

Gone. Lost to the void.

I would never see her again or hear the windy rattle of her laugh!

And Adrien? The only family I had left wanted nothing to do with me.

All I ever did was love that little spoiled sport and this was how he treated me? After all the sacrifices I made with Ma so he could join the shadow infantry as one of the Alpha’s high soldiers?

“No! Fuck you, Sir Ironside—” I so at acidly and he winced, his jaw tightening before he bowed and backed away from me, crossing his hands behind his back.

“All I ever did was try and win your trust and yet you still haven't given a lick of thought to my feelings or considered me in anything!” I shouted, throwing one of the silk-cased pillows at him and hoping it hurt him hard enough to leave a dent in his skin.

His lips firmed into a thin line as he took my insults one after another, only gripping my wrist when I charged at him, pounding my fists against his chest for what felt like hours as sobs wracked my slender frame.

How could Adrien do this to me?

Deaths were usually announced in person, and yet I wasn't worth enough for my only brother to come out and see me.

I was utterly, bitterly alone now. With two sets of mates who didn't want me, a mother who died with regret and resentment for me in her heart, and a brother who wished I would drop dead.

It was one big perfect freaking picture!

“You know what this means now, don't you?” I panted, but his compassionate visage hardened like it had been cut from ice and glass.

“I’m afraid I cannot let you leave the castle until then issue of your attempted poisoning is resolved.” He deadpanned, turning to nod at the guards who I hadn't realized were standing quietly at the door, watching us.

I was a fodder for gossip at this point, but I could only care less. The burning feeling spreading over my entire body before I rose in my tiptoes to grip the bigger wolf by the lapel of his shirt.

Ronan was at least four heads taller than me, with a chest so big he could fold himself over my body and he would be the perfect meat shield.

It didn't matter that the wolf could snap me in half with one hand or that my tugs on his chest only shoved me harder into him, the light hand he kept on the small of my back breaking my falls.

“I’m fine aren't I?”

“Winters is bonded to you now, If you get hurt, he could get gravely injured, or worse,” He started, the deep baritone of his voice humming like static in my head before I shook it free, cutting him off brusquely.

“For moons sake, Ronan! Its not like a little pain would kill him! I mean we were never going to be mated for real anyway, why wait? Why don't you all just cut me off now?” I screamed at the top of my lungs, trying desperately to wriggle out of his hold when he trapped me in a bear hug, cupping me against his chest.

“I apologize for your mother, but as Beta, I cannot allow it. I forbid it. I must protect this pack’s interests at all costs,” he cooed and I backed away from him, shaking my head.

I meant nothing. This whole time when I thought we had something...a bond, anything… I had meant nothing.

“I see, I understand.” I managed to say, wiping stubbornly at the tears caking on my cheeks when his throat bobbed.

“Mara-” He breathed, choking up as his face soured with guilt and those perfect hazel eyes turned glassy. As if it hurt him to hurt me.

Actors, all of them. I had worn my real face to a fortress full of actors.

“Please. Just leave. I would like to be alone now,” my voice sounded unrecognizable even to my own ears.

Cold and brittle. Like Princess Triel.

The Beta wiped his face clean of emotion, nodding and stepping back toward the door, his tight shirt leaving nothing to the imagination.

“I’ll have Amenie bring you everything you need,    You can buzz me in the intercom when…when you feel like talking. We can arrange to have a full carriage of roses sent over to your old pack as a ssmign of our condolence and goodwill,” 

It was his turn to ramble now while I only watched on coldly, my hands tingling at my sides.

I got the message loud and clear. I didn't matter. 

It was about time I started thinking for myself.

No one else was going to come and save me.

I had to find a way to get to Adrien. And if the new Beta wouldn't let me out, then the old Beta just might.

Caius Winters owed me. And I intended to make him pay up by hook or crook.

I was leaving this fortress tonight, whether the white wolf wanted to believe it or not.

His words had wounded a part of me I always thought I’d be stuck with.

“Goodnight,” He sighed when he realized his words were never going to get through to me.

And to think I had almost kissed him!

The door to the room snapped shut and I sagged against the bed, finally letting the tears overwhelm me.

#

 A slow, hard wind banged against the floor-to-ceiling glass until its rattling made me snap my eyes open with a gasp.

My chest still felt sore and heavy and my throat was hoarse from hours of crying when I pushed myself off the floor, trying to get some feeling back into my legs.

“Unghh,” My raspy grunt hurt my throat enough that I blinked around the room, chugging the water pitcher on the bedside with trembling hands.

I must have started dozing between my tears if my tired reflection in the mirror was anything to go by.

Just on the cusp of dream and reality.

Wild thin red curls fluttered around the hollow green of my eyes and gaunt cheekbones, tangling around my waist and shoulders.

Every muscle in my body ached and I cringed at the memory of my fight with the white wolf.

Surely, word of it would have gone around the castle with more than a few embellished retellings.

“Oh my god,” I groaned, clutching the mahogany foot of the bed that stuck up like a pillar out of its canopy.

The sky outside remained a dark hue even when I was certain it was almost morning.

It happened on some days, with The Darkness completely dominating the formerly blue skies, turning it into its own shade of hell and punishment.

Deep red streaks lined the horizon. And I shuddered against the building blizzard, stoking the flames with the woodpile beside the fireplace instead.

The pink slip of my nightdress felt soft to the touch when I gathered it away from the flames, deciding I wouldn't burn to my death in this life.

All around me, pieces of Adrien’s letter were scattered on the dark tiles and a tidal wave of horror threatened to overwhelm me when I realized I couldn't remember my mother’s face.

Her memory had started to blur around the edges…fading with time and distance.

“No… I’ve got to see you again, Ma…I won’t let you go, not like this,” I croaked tearfully, carefully plucking up the torn paper and feeding it to the flames. 

I couldn't miss my mother’e funeral, to hell with what Adrien thought.

“Miss Eldwood? Are you there?” Amenie’s soft voice echoed from behind the door and I snapped my head up, grateful that I had thrown all the locks on it after the white wolf left.

“You must eat something, M’lady. Recovering in this state…it’s not good for your condition,” the woman pleaded, her fatigued voice seeping through the cracks in the door like poison.

“Leave me alone! Go away!” I screamed as something snapped inside me, and I gripped the thick stem of the night lamp before hurling it against the door.

The ceramic cracking reverberated in the luxurious room and Amenie’s horrified gasp made a stab of guilt and regret prick at my chest.

What was I letting myself turn into?

I scrambled up from the floors, screwing my eyes shut and counting the high ceiling tiles backwards until then ringing in my ears quietened.

“Its okay, Mara…it’s fine. You’ve got you still, and that's a crowd,” I chuckled mirthlessly to myself, slipping weakly back into the bed and drawing the covers close around my chest.

I would leave when I woke. Yes.