9- What cost?

Arielle.

The three tests were still sitting on the sink like they were mocking me and every second I didn’t look at them felt like a knife dragging across my skin. My heart kept racing so fast I thought I would faint and I kept pacing from one end of the tiny bathroom to the other hugging myself as if that would slow down the thundering in my chest.

I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to see it, yet. What if they said no? What if all of this (the reckless decision, the humiliation, the loss of my virginity and the risk of death) was for nothing?

I pressed my back against the wall, feeling the tiles cold against my spine and I whispered to myself to calm down but my voice shook so badly it only made it worse. The professor’s words came back to me like a cruel memory and the way he once looked at me with so much expectation telling me I had the kind of fire that could change the world if I didn’t let it go out.

I wanted that fire so much. I wanted greatness.

But greatness couldn’t come to me if I didn’t survive today if I didn’t have something to hold on to that would make the Alpha see me as more than disposable trash. My dream was hanging on those cheap sticks and I didn’t trust them, I didn’t trust fate amd I didn’t trust myself not to be disappointed.

I finally pushed myself off the wall and bent over the sink but instead of looking down at the tests, I closed my eyes and turned the other way. My hands shook so hard I had to grip the counter until my knuckles went white.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let three flimsy pieces of plastic tell me if I lived or died. I needed something real amd something that couldn’t lie to me.

Before I knew it, my mind was already racing ahead telling me I needed to go out of this apartment and get tested properly. A hospital. Somewhere no one would recognize me. Somewhere I could confirm it and not feel like a fool.

By the time I left the bathroom, I had made my decision. I grabbed a scarf from the pile of clothes on the chair and wrapped it tightly around my head pulling my hair forward so that most of my face was shadowed.

I rummaged through Kurt’s things for the tiny jar of herbs he used sometimes to mask his scent when he wanted to sneak alcohol past the patrol guards. It was a dirty trick but it worked.

It was crushed leaves of stormfern mixed with a drop of wolf’s blood could dull your natural scent just enough that you smelled bland and unimportant like a background wolf no one paid attention to.

I smeared some along my neck and wrists gagging at the bitter stench and whispered to my own wolf to stay silent inside me. She hated hiding and hated pretending not to exist but I begged her to endure it just this once.

The walk across town felt longer than it ever had, every step echoing with the fear that someone would stop me, ask me questions or recognize me. The scarf scratched against my skin and the herbs burned faintly on my wrists and my heart didn’t stop hammering.

By the time I reached the clinic one of the smaller hospitals tucked near the edge of the pack’s land I was sweating through my clothes but I pushed through the door anyway trying to keep my chin low.

The waiting room was half empty just a few wolves scattered across the benches with a young mother rocking her child and an old man coughing into his sleeve. No one gave me more than a passing glance.

My knees nearly buckled from relief. I made myself walk to the reception desk forcing my voice to stay steady as I gave a fake name and asked for a test. The nurse didn’t look suspicious and didn’t even seem to care just handed me a form and directed me to the back.

My hands shook as I signed the paper each stroke of the pen like a prayer that no one would see through me. This is a fucked up situation period!

The test itself was quick almost too quick. I hated how routine it was, how the doctor barely looked up from his notes as he asked me to provide a sample. I did what I was told then sat there on the exam table clutching my knees together so hard they ached while the seconds dragged.

My wolf paced inside me also restless and nervous and muttering things I couldn’t quite catch and I wanted to scream at her to be quiet. The doctor returned after what felt like hours but must have been only minutes.

He looked at the paper in his hands then looked at me, his expression neutral almost bored as if he didn’t know he was holding the key to my entire life.

“You’re pregnant” he said simply like it was nothing.

The words hit me like a thunderclap. Pregnant.

My throat closed. My hands slipped from my knees and I almost slid off the table my body so weak with shock that I could barely keep myself upright.

He kept talking offering me some instructions about nutrition and about getting rest and about checking in later for regular monitoring but his voice was a blur just drowned out by the single truth that had just shattered me.

Pregnant!!!

I was carrying Alpha Kael’s child. It was real. It was inside me. And everything was about to change.

I stumbled out of the clinic in a daze witj my scarf slipping slightly as the cool air hit my face. The world felt sharper, harsher and every sound too loud. A group of women near the gates were whispering their eyes sliding toward me and my stomach lurched.

Did they know? Did they recognize me despite the scarf and the herbs? Were they whispering my name (the Bastard Arielle she’s here) or were they just gossiping about their own lives?

My paranoia twisted it all into claws raking down my spine. I quickened my steps clutching the scarf tighter until the fabric nearly tore under my fingers.

By the time I got back to Kurt’s apartment, I was drenched in sweat my chest heaving and every muscle screaming for rest. The silence inside swallowed me whole the moment I shut the door.

He wasn’t home of course. He was probably at the club and probably drinking and laughing with the others while my whole world was falling apart in my hands. He enjoys his job too much because he used to be a lomer like me.

I dropped onto the edge of the bed pulling out my phone to distract myself but when I tried to call, the line was dead. Disconnected. I had forgotten about the dues and now I was officially cut off.

I stood slowly dragging myself to the mirror across the room. My reflection looked like a stranger all hollow eyed wirh scarf crooked and shoulders slumped like I was already carrying the weight of a world too heavy for me.

My hand trembled as I pressed it against my stomach, the flat skin there betraying nothing. But I knew. The test at home and the hospital and the doctor’s voice saying PREGNANT.

The Alpha’s seed was inside me growing AND changing my body already. My dream of becoming a doctor, my need to survive, my desperate gamble had all worked. But at what cost?

Tears slipped down my cheeks as I whispered to my reflection and my lips wete trembling so badly I could barely form the words.

“It’s real. I’m carrying the Alpha’s child. But what if he kills me for it?”