03||~ Enid.

03||~ Enid.

~~~~

  “I am sorry but I…” I gulp. 

"I can't do that.” My voice comes out as a whisper, i can't let him see my body... Never.

Adrrik shoots me a look more dangerous that the devil's gaze itself, but I prefer it to him seeing my scared body.

“C… can I not-” my question has not left my mouth before Adrrik stands from the bed, his face devoid of emotions, without the sign of pain or discomfort despite his bandaged abdomen.

I quickly step back. " No! You don't have to stand, I…I'll take it off" My voice is shaky, so is my hand as I reach for the back of my black, long sleeved, handkerchief dress. 

Eyes glued on Adrrik as he seats back on the bed and rests his back on the headboard, knees apart, not even a little bit bothered as he watches me unzip my cloth.

I slowly take my eyes off him, knowing the look of disgust I would see in his eyes the moment he sees my body.

I am hesitating to let the dress  go, but without a choice, I do, slowly, my dress falls off my body and pools at my feet. 

I hold my breath.

Aware of his burning gaze on my bod, with my head bowed, bare before him… scared… ugly.

Laid out like I am something to be bought and discarded.

This is a disaster, this marriage, Adrrik, everything about today disaster.

My eyes shimmers with tears, hands fisted, refusing to let the tears fall. “Look at me." His voice is still cold, commanding.  

I don't look up.

“Look at me." He repeats in a toneless voice. I look up, but the anger and repulsion I expect to see isn't there.

He's a Mademan, he should be enraged by the scars on my body. 

He should find me dirty to look at. Yet, even though he eyes rakes over my body, there's no lust, no hate… no grimace.

Why?

I don't know how to feel about his expressionlessness. “Have you seen enough?" I whisper.

 Adrrik’s gaze meets mine, his jaw clenches. “Put on your cloth." 

I quickly pull up my dress and zip it up, not for once glancing at myself. 

Knowing how hideous I am. 

“Can I leave now?" 

" Hmm” he grumbles in response and I immediately head to the door. “Your tears. It's good you held them in." Adrrik says. “Makes you less annoying." 

I pause, sending a last glance of hatred at him, before turning away and returning to my room. 

I slam the door shut once I arrive in my room, stomach churning, throat burning.

My feet carries me to the bathroom where I wretch, clawing at my throat, even when my stomach has nothing more to offer, I start heaving. 

Once it's all out, I lean against the tile, staring at the wall. How ironic, the man I would rather kill than marry is one who doesn't grimace at my scars. 

I had spent a month with Adrrik Alyovich, one month and I became scared in more than one way. 

He was my first.

I thought he was a good man, and despite how many times he warned me that he was dangerous, I thought he couldn't be anything bad.

I believed I could stay by his side.

I was stupidly naive.

The day I found out who he was, I left him, but his shadows clung to me, his men found me.

I close my eyes to rid myself of the memories, dragging myself to my feet, I strip, turning on the shower. 

 Cold water pelts down on me as heavy as my heart. 

 Just the first day of my marriage and I already can't do it anymore.

The oppressive feeling of this house is nothing I haven't been through, but being near Adrrik makes it daunting.

My hand scrubs myself, over and over again, as if trying to get rid of the scars.

But they are always there.

Once i have scrubbed myself till my skin is red and hot, I walk out of the shower and stare at myself in the mirror. 

My Amber eyes are dull bloodshot.

My once velvet skin is now withered.

Different scars lines up on my skin, jagged, rough and dry. But the one that stands out the most is the one that runs from the bridge of my breast down to my stomach.

Then the one right on my abdomen. 

My hand caresses my stomach.

Two years ago, there was something in there, but I lost it before I even knew it existed.

I snap my gaze away, grimacing. Then I quickly change into a long t-shirt, and head to bed, wanting nothing than ending the day.  

Yet, even in my sleep, my past doesn't stop hunting me. 

_

My mouth tastes dry, a strange feeling builds up in my chest like a pile of cotton is blocking my nose, my hand grips the bedsheet.

My chest is heavy, suffocating.

Breathing becomes hard.

I want to call for help and run but nothing works. Just when I feel like I am about to faint from the suffocation, a hand shakes my shoulder. “Wake up!" A voice commands. 

My brow furrows.

I can't smell anything, but something's wrong.

What's going on?

My body feels hot, beads of sweat coats my forehead, the air is thick, too thick.

This has happened before, not the same but close.

I remember glass shattering, screams, blurry vision, and the crash, my nose hitting the steering wheel and then darkness.

That was the last time I smelled anything.

"Wake up.” I hear a familiar voice urge. Adrrik shakes me again, my eyes flutters open to gaze into cold grey orbs.

“W…” a cough rattles out of my chest before I can speak. 

“We need to go. Now." Despite how calm his voice is, I can sense that something is wrong.

But my body feels too heavy. “I can't…” I heave. " I can't move.” 

" Blyad!” He curses, looking at the door. " You either move or die.” 

I shake my head. I really can't move. Seeing that I am serious. 

Adrrik stands up and leaves for a few second, or minutes? I can't tell.  When he returns, Adrrik picks me up like a bride. 

I wrap my hand around his neck. “Where are we going?" I question, still groggy from sleep, but he doesn't answer me as he carries me out of the room, down the stairs with enough urgency to make my stomach churn.

My eyes rakes around the house, only noticing the smoke once my eyes clears. 

My brows are first scrunched with confusion, then I blanch as realization sets in, the smoke, the urgency in Adrrik's step and the suffocation hanging in the air.

This can only mean one thing.

The house.

It's on fire!

~P-Lia~