Ashamed

NEXT MORNING

LEILANI

I woke up to the throbbing pain of my womanly part. Was my period coming?" I wondered and forced myself up. I opened my eyes and was welcomed by an unfamiliar room.

"Where am I?" I asked myself.

"Sienna!" I called out, but there was no response.

"Do you normally shout when you wake up?" A deep and husky voice asked beside me.

I quickly turned in the direction of the voice and screamed instantly.

"What…What are you doing beside me?" I asked wide-eyed.

"Seems like you forgot. This is a hotel room and you and I fucked last night. Where else do you suppose you will see me this morning, if not beside you," He asked and slipped out of the bed, baring his entire body to me.

I covered my eyes with my hands.

"I wonder why you are covering your eyes when you saw every part of me last night. You kept screaming about how much you love my fucking style," he muttered.

His words felt like atrocities to my ear.

"And oh, I was right. You are a virgin and I had fun deflowering you," he said and I felt my whole world crash.

"You are joking right?" I asked, desperately hoping that everything he said was just some silly joke.

"Do I look like someone that jokes?" He asked, his hazel eyes stared into my dark ones and I realized he wasn't joking.

"You…you raped me," I whispered as tears streamed down my face.

"We both had sex. You followed me here willingly. If you want money from me, just say it and I'll give it to you, after all, I enjoyed banging you," he said. The ruffling of clothes made me aware of the fact that he was dressing up.

"I do not need your money," I cried.

"Then that settles it then. Once I step out of this room, we become strangers. We had a one night stand and nothing else." Finally buckling his belt, he picked up his suit and left the room, not without winking at me.

"Oh, God. I'm doomed. What will mum say?" I cried and slowly raised the duvet hoping for a miracle. But then, the blood stains on the sheet made me realize that a miracle was impossible.

Tears streamed down my face and I wept like a baby. How could I make such a mistake? Mum is going to be ashamed of me.

I slowly got up, my V area aching like hell. I search for my clothes and put them on. Then headed for the door. I opened the door and was about to walk out when my phone rang. I checked the caller, it was Sienna. I felt annoyed at her, this is all her fault. I declined her call, turned off my phone and threw it inside my bag, then left.

Once I got home, I soaked myself inside my bathtub. I scrubbed and cleaned my entire body with tears in my eyes.

"I messed up," I kept crying.

How could I make such a mistake, how…something I've been keeping since forever, waiting for the right moment. Now, I just lost it to a total stranger, who I probably won't see ever again. I mean California is a big city and my chances of running into him were low.

After bathing, I wrapped myself in a towel and dejectedly stepped out of the tub. I felt so down and mad at the universe for letting a thing like this happen to me. I dressed up and lay down on the bed wallowing in self pity.

My door suddenly clicked open. I needed no soothsayer to tell me who it was.

"Gosh, Lani. You scared me. I literally looked for you everywhere. When did you return because I came here looking for you earlier today," Sienna asks, but I totally ignored her, I was mad at her for making me go clubbing. This is all her fault.

"Really, Lani. You are ignoring me, After making me go round the whole City looking for you like a crazy woman. I even called your mum to know your whereabouts."

Out of everything she said, the only thing my ears grasped was the part where she said she called my mum.

"Why will you call my mum," I asked in fright.

I come from an Orthodox family. My parents are leaders at the church. Growing up as a kid, I was given so many lectures on the importance of keeping my virginity till my wedding night. And now, I just lost that. If my parents should hear of this, they will disown me without a second thought. Their reputation in the church is really important to them.

"I always call your mum whenever I can't find you. Why are you freaking out?" Sienna asked. And I broke down in tears.

"I lost my virginity last night, Enna and to a total stranger, " I cried.

Sienna was shocked at first, but seeing how I was crying like a kid, she engulfed me in a hug.

"It's alright, Lani. Losing it doesn't make you less human. I mean, I lost mine at fifteen," Sienna consoled me.

"You know the type of family I come from. My parents will be so disappointed if they hear of this," I said crying even harder.

"Gosh, Lani. How would they know that you lost it? They won't, unless you tell them," Sienna said reasonably.

"You do not have to tell your parents about it. Even if they do ask, just lie to them that it's still intact," Sienna advised.

The idea of lying to my parents didn't sit well with me. I've never lied or hidden anything from them, not even for a day. I remember when a boy asked me out at thirteen, I was so excited back then and didn't tell my mum. But then she somehow found out about it and locked me up in a closet for a whole day to make me reflect on my actions. Ever since that day, I never hide or keep anything from her, because of fear of being locked up in the closet again. I grew up with that fear, and here I am, twenty five and still a mama's girl.

"I can't lie to my mum, Sienna. It's against the holy book," I cried.

Sienna pulled her hair, something she normally does when she is tired of trying to make me see points with her.

"It's a white lie. A harmless lie. And besides, you can always ask God for forgiveness, " she advised.

"A lie is a lie, Sienna."

"You know what, call your mum on the phone and tell her that you lost your virginity, then watch her disown you," Sienna said, now tired of trying to convince.

I broke into another round of tears and she pulled me into her embrace.

"I'm sorry. This is all my fault and that's why I'm going to do everything I can, to make sure it doesn't disrupt your life."

"Listen, Lani. Let's spend the whole of today wallowing in self pity. Tomorrow morning, I want you to step out and continue with your normal life as if nothing happened. Okay? You will be totally fine. There is no difference between the Lani yesterday and the Lani here now. You hear me," Sienna whispered.

Somehow I decided to listen to her.

"Tomorrow morning. I, Leilani Miller will step into the world like nothing happened."