Just spam

( Two Months Later)

The rink is loud with cheering—fans screaming and clapping as the players race across the ice. But the noise fades in the back of my mind the moment his eyes meet mine for a glimpse. Now all I hear is his voice from the night before. Low. Close to my ear.

“How do you want to be fucked today, Chan?”

I can feel my pussy get wet as he chases the puck, his strong build and tall height cutting across the ice, breath fogging in the cold air. But in my head, I can still hear the slow rhythm of his breathing, feel it warm against my neck like he’s still right behind me.

River skates like the ice belongs to him—sharp turns, fast strides, shoulders loose with confidence. He knows exactly what he is doing, and he has been on the rink since he was six years old.

My eyes follow the way his jersey stretches across his back, the way he pauses when he stops too quickly. I know things about him no one in these stands knows. Things they would never guess.

Like how his voice sounds in the dark when it’s just the two of us.

River never says much to me in public. One word. Two if I’m lucky. Three on a good day.

“Hey, Chan.”

“Thanks, Chan.”

A nod. A small smile.

But in private, his hands say more than his mouth ever does. The way they lift up my uniform skirt. Unbutton my shirt. Help me out of my panties while I stand naked, and he watches with that amused smirk on his face as he takes me in.

I shouldn’t be thinking about that now. Not here. Not while Cortney sits two seats away from me, cheering for her twin brother, completely unaware that for the past two months her so-called best friend has been sneaking out to fuck her brother.

Cortney is the quiet type, the kind of girl who avoids attention whenever she can. She hates when things that belong to her get swallowed up by River’s world—her time, her friends, even the air in the room sometimes.

River already has everything. The crowds cheering his name. The spotlight. Their famous parents who adore him a little more because he makes them proud.

Cortney wants none of it. She’s spent most of her life trying to step out of his shadow and become her own person instead of being known as the daughter of two famous actors.

I came to Western Nile on a scholarship. Cortney was the first real friend I made there. I feel guilty for going behind her back after she warns me not to let him sleep with me. How shameless of me to smile in front of her then go behind her back to do things with River.

The crowd erupts, and my mind snaps back to him—River slamming another player into the boards. He pulls off his helmet for a second, shaking out his hair, and my stomach flips again. I can almost feel that hair between my fingers, the memory burning through me.

Suddenly, it’s too hot in the rink. I can’t control myself anymore. I want to touch myself with his face burning in my mind. I stand up immediately. “I need air,” I mumble to Cortney.

I hurry toward the exit before she can ask questions.

As I reach outside, the night air engulfs me. I breathe heavily, holding the railing for support. My heart is racing.

“Are you okay?” I jump when I hear Cortney’s voice. She has a concerned look on her face. “Here. Drink up.” She hands me her bottle of water. “It’s intense in there. I know the feeling. This is your first time watching ice hockey. The fight to catch the puck and score—it gets you every time. I was the same the first time my parents forced me to watch. It was River’s first game. Mom said, ‘He’s your twin brother. Support him.’” She says mimicking her mom’s voice as she rolls her eyes. “Now, I’ve gotten used to the rush the players give on the rink.”

If only she knew that isn’t why I’m feeling this way. I crave her brother’s touch again and again, and I can’t control myself when I see him in public, pretending we didn’t just see one another naked the night before.

I hand Cortney back the bottle after drinking. “Thank you.”

“Do you want a ride home?” I’m about to answer when she suddenly says, “Oh, before we go, I need to give River something. Mom won’t let me rest until he gets it.” She rolls her eyes.

My stomach flips.

I have to see River now?

“Come on.”

I can’t let her see my hesitation. I can’t let her suspect anything, so I follow her.

We walk into the locker room to find him. It’s quieter than we expected. But my pace slows and my heart leaps when I see River with a girl pressed against the lockers, his mouth on hers, kissing her like he hasn’t been fed in days.

Something burns in my chest. I feel the tears forming in my eyes. But I clench my fist and fight back my tears.

I shouldn’t care.

I know the rules.

Cortney’s voice startles me.

“Are you serious?” she snaps.

The girl freezes. River’s hands rest on his waist as he pulls back slowly.

“You really didn’t learn the first time? Stay away from my brother, Hazel!” She turns to River. “And you—” She throws the jersey their mom had decorated straight at his chest.“Have some shame!” Cortney grabs my hand. “Let’s get out of here, Chancé.”

I catch the look in River’s eyes before we leave. For a moment I want to ask him why. But I remember it isn’t my place. There are rules. He doesn’t do love. He can do whatever he wants.

I follow Cortney outside. She’s angry, and I want to ask her why. Why she’s so mad seeing River with another girl. It’s not like this is the first time he’s done something like this.

But I don’t ask.

My phone buzzes just as I’m about to enter the car.

A message from him. My stomach twists. I open it.

RIVER: Still coming tonight?

I scoff. How dare he ask me that?

Another buzz.

RIVER: I’m sorry you saw that.

“Are you coming?” Cortney startles me.

I bend down to look at her. She already starts the engine. “Sure.”

I ignore him again. Until my phone vibrates once more.

RIVER: I want you, Chan.

My breath catches. A chill runs down my spine, followed by a heat that weakens my legs as I pause halfway through opening the car door. I stare at the message longer than I should.

Ignore it.

Please ignore it.

Look away, Chancé.

Block him and don’t look back.

Remember the rules he gave you.

But I don’t do any of that.

My stupid heart doesn’t stop me.

My stupid brain doesn’t stop me.

He wants me.

He said he wants me. And that’s all I need to hear. That’s all I need to know.

River Dawson wants me.

So I cave because I’m so shameless that my fingers move before my mind can catch them.

CHANCÉ: My room. Thirty minutes.

I slide into the car and close the door.

“Who are you talking to?” Cortney asks. “You look tense.”

I turn off my phone before looking at her. “No one important, Cort. Just spam.”