Chapter 4

Marcella pov

She walked up to me with that questioning look in her eyes.

“What do you mean?” She asked still looking lost but I didn’t want to say anything.

“Marcella, you’ve guarded that book like it was your own life. What are you talking about?”

I looked away. “Never mind” I wiped the tears from my face. I turned to the bed and began smoothing the silk sheets, desperately wanting the night to just end but she wasn’t giving up, Maya had never been the type to retreat, that’s why I always loved her. I was the weak one and she was my strength, the energetic force always pushing me to do things I felt I couldn’t, my confident booster but right now, the energy she charged towards me felt like a weapon and I really needed her to end it all.

“You better say something else I’ll tell the whole world you’re gay and pining after a girl who doesn’t know you exist”. God it felt embarrassing with the way she said it, I felt humiliated, yes, I would want her to do it since I wasn’t bold enough to, maybe she could help me tell the world about my truth but not that way, not to tell the world my heart throb was in love with a man. I didn’t want to say it but I had already started and now I have no choice.

“Promise me you’ll tell no one” I said to my sister, I knew she had won and I surrendered like a defeated soldier, hoping she’ll keep this secret as she kept mine all these years. She nodded slightly.

I sat on my bed feeling helpless and she sat beside me.

I let out a breath I felt like I'd been holding for years, maybe it was only right to tell her everything.

“I know you think I’m stupid, a fool, wanting someone who doesn’t see me…but I wouldn’t have if she hadn’t given me the signs” I paused then I continued “it wasn’t always like this”.

I looked at my sister and she had a pleading gaze for more.

“Remember when we were in high school and I always told you how I liked everything about her after she was transferred to our school. Something happened weeks later, I followed some friends to a house party and we played a naughty game, it was … a game of truth and dare, surprisingly Lucille was there. I immediately lost my composure when I saw her, I couldn’t control the way I stared at her and giggled at her every jokes…” I had a brief remembrance and wiped my face in shame then I continued.

“It was so awkward…I’m sure everyone noticed, some looked at me in a funny way and I hated it, I really wanted to be in control of myself but I couldn’t, not with the way she was dressed as a badass, then the bottle was rolled and it fell on Duke, he then challenged both of us to spend some time together in the closet” I looked at my sister and she had that look in her eyes, the one that said ‘God you fucking teenagers are unbelievable’ but I already made up my mind to tell her all about it given her judgmental look there’s no stopping now.

I glanced at the fireplace, watching the last few pages of the journal blacken and curl into ash as I continued.

“I hesitated, scared that I might do something stupid, I think he noticed that’s why he did it Everyone was cheering and whistling as they pushed us into that tiny, dark space and clicked the lock.”

Looking into the empty space, the memory came back like I was living that night all over again.

“We are locked in….so, what do you think we do now?” She asked me gently but I was too shy to reply.

“We’re going to be here for 30 minutes, what would you like to do, come on, you can say anything”. She tried to convince me, I gave a weak smile and said the first thing that came to my mind.

“Anything you want..” I don’t know why I said that but I know she scoffed at my response.

“Anything I want…you sure? Would you be okay with that?” She asked gently and I nodded then she walked up to me slowly, her eyes fixed on me, I became nervous and my palms sweaty.

“What is she doing?” That was the only thought that rampaged my mind. The room was a tight space and with her that close I couldn’t restrain my mind from the crazy thoughts it was creating with her image, I took a hard gulp and she leaned in very close to my face, I could feel her breath on my face. I closed my eyes waiting for the consuming moment.

“Marcella?” She called at me, I opened my eyes gently, maybe she liked it more with eyes open.

“I’m trying to get the door”. Pointing at the doorknob she told me then her hand reached for the door knob. I felt embarrassment wash over me.

“Oh…” I regained myself and I shifted from the door it wasn’t what I was thinking.

“You okay?” She asked looking at my rigid state as I stood so stiff but I couldn’t talk, I only nodded.

She checked the lock, ensuring it was secure, and then turned back to face me in the shadows. The playful look was gone, replaced by something much more intense.

“We still have sometime to ourselves… do your offer still stands?” She asked me again and I nodded gently.

“Yeah sure…anything you want to do” I said it to one more time, the temperature of the room was rising and I could feel it until she finally made her demand.