If Only He Knew

CHAPTER ONE

RILEY’S POV

The crowd was screaming so loud my ears were ringing. Chatham University’s ice rink was packed tonight, and the energy felt like it could lift the roof off the building. 

I sat in my usual spot, a few rows behind the team bench, gripping the railing tightly out of excitement. My eyes weren’t really on the puck flying across the ice or the players slamming into each other. 

They were only on him.

Jax Harlan.

He stood behind the bench in his captain’s jersey, with his arms crossed and shouting instructions at the team with that deep, commanding voice that always made my legs go weak at the sound of it.

He was thirty-four years old, tall, heavily muscled, with arms covered in dark tattoos that showed every time he raised his stick. The way he moved, the way he commanded the ice—it was like he owned everything he touched.

I had been obsessed with Jax for years. But nobody knew, not even my best friend. I kept it locked deep inside me, it was a secret I was scared to let out. 

But it was there every single day. The way I stole his used practice jerseys just to sleep with them on my skin at night. The way I sometimes hacked into the team’s security cameras late at night just to watch him alone in the locker room. The way I had turned down every boy who ever tried to get close because none of them were him.

Logan—my older brother, would kill anyone who touched me. He had made that very clear to the whole team, especially Jax. “Stay the fuck away from my little sister,” he had warned everyone more than once, his voice was always serious. And honestly Jax had always listened. Until I decided he wouldn’t anymore.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw a call from my friend Maya.

“Hey girl,” I answered, lowering my voice.

“Riley! Where are you sitting? I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Maya said, sounding out of breath like she was pushing through the crowd.

“Same spot as always. Behind the bench.”

She laughed. “Of course you are. Still staring at Coach Harlan like he’s the only man on earth?”

I felt my face heat up. “Shut up, Maya. I’m not staring.”

“Yeah, right. You’ve been doing this since we were freshmen. One day you’re going to slip up and actually tell him how you feel.”

I smiled a bit to myself. “Maybe I will,” I muttered. 

“And after you do that, get ready for an earful from Logan.” She snickered. “Seriously tho, Logan needs to see that you’re grown up now and no longer Little Riley.”

I stayed quiet for a second, before finally responding. “I’ll try talking to him one of these days. Hopefully he’ll listen.”

“Well he had better.” Maya sighed. “I’ll grab a couple of snacks on the way and meet you at the benches….or?”

“Uhm. Maybe outside the rink would be fine.” I responded quickly.

“Alright love, see you in a few minutes.”

She hung up. 

I slipped the phone back into my pocket and let out a long breath. Logan was protective to the point that it felt suffocating, he was always treating me like I was still a little girl who needed shielding. But I wasn’t. I was twenty. And the only person I wanted touching me was the one man Logan had forbidden.

The final buzzer sounded and Chatham won by three goals. The arena exploded with cheers. The players slammed into each other, their helmets went clashing and everyone's stick was raised high.

Jax skated out to the center of the ice, breathing heavily, that intense look still on his face even in victory. My heart pounded so hard it felt painful.

I stayed in my seat until most of the crowd started filing out. Logan was busy celebrating with the team, laughing loudly and patting his teammates backs. He hadn’t looked my way once tonight. It was typical of him anyway, he only noticed me when he thought a guy was getting too close to me.

I finally stood up and made my way toward the locker room area. Earlier, when no one was looking, I had loosened the strap on Jax’s left shoulder pad. 

It wasn’t enough to injure him badly, but enough to make it uncomfortable during the game and that gave me a reason to be alone with him.

The hallway outside the locker room was almost empty now. I slipped through the side door I had learned to use over the years. The lights inside were dim and most of the players had already left. I could hear a shower running somewhere in the back, but the main area was quiet.

Jax was sitting on the bench in front of his locker, shirtless, his left shoulder looked swollen and red in an angry way. He was pressing an ice pack to it with a grimace, muttering curses under his breath.

I took a deep breath and stepped forward, keeping my voice gentle.

“You’re hurt.”

Jax’s head snapped up. His dark eyes locked onto me, and surprise flashed across his face before he hardened it to seriousness.

“Riley? What the hell are you doing in here?” His voice was as low as I wanted it, and that alone sent shivers down my spine. “Logan will lose his shit if he sees you.”

I walked closer anyway, ignoring the warning. “I saw you favoring your shoulder during the third period. Let me help you, I know how to wrap it properly.”

He stared at me for a long moment, he looked like he was contemplating whether to let me in or send me out. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said, but he didn’t tell me to leave.

I moved between his spread legs and reached for the wrap I had brought in my bag. My hands were shaking slightly as I started working on his shoulder, my fingers brushed against his hot, sweaty skin. He was so close, so big, so masculine. The smell of ice, sweat, and pure male filled my nose.

The silence between us was filled with tension and I could literally feel his eyes on me the entire time.

“You’re shaking,” he said quietly.

“I’m just cold,” I lied.

His hand suddenly caught my wrist, stopping my movements. His grip was firm, warm, and it sent electricity straight through me.

“Riley.” His voice dropped even lower. “Look at me.”

I lifted my eyes slowly to meet his and for a second, neither of us moved.

Then Jax cursed under his breath, pulled me closer with one strong hand, and crushed his mouth against mine.