CHAPTER SEVEN

I couldn’t sleep.

Whenever I managed to close my eyes, I saw the clear disappointment on my father’s face, in his eyes. Heard Kieran’s threats echoing in my head. Felt the excruciating pain of his boot connecting with my stomach, with my babies.

At two in the morning, I gave up trying to sleep.

I pulled on a robe over my nightgown and padded barefoot down the hallway. The house was silent, moonlight streaming through the tall windows and casting long shadows across the marble floors. I’d walked these halls a thousand times as a child, knew every creak and corner by heart.

My feet carried me to the library without conscious thought. It had always been my refuge, the place I’d escaped to when the weight of being an heir became too much.

I pushed open the heavy oak door and froze.

Emrys sat in one of the leather armchairs near the fireplace, a book forgotten in his lap. He looked up when I entered, no surprise in those amber eyes.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” he asked.

“How did you know I’d come here?”

“Because I know you.” He set the book aside. “When you’re stressed, you either read or you run. Since you’re supposed to be resting those ribs, I figured reading was the safer bet.”

I should have left. Should have turned around and gone back to my room. But instead, I moved deeper into the library, drawn to him in a way that had nothing to do with conscious choice.

It was the mate bond. I recognized it… recognized that invisible thread that somehow made me yearn for his presence.

“Why can I still feel the mate bond?” The question burst out before I could stop it. “You rejected me years ago when I asked you to. The bond should be severed, gone. So why the fuck can I still feel it?”

Emrys went very still. “Khione—”

“I need you to tell me the truth, Emrys.” I moved closer, anger suddenly flaring through me. “I am tired of being lied to and manipulated so… I need you to tell me… why can I still feel our mate bond?”

He stood slowly, setting the book on the side table. When he looked at me, his expression was carefully neutral, but I saw something flicker in his eyes. Guilt, maybe. Or fear.

“Because I never severed it.”

I gasped. “What?”

“I never severed the bond, Khione. I kept it dormant, suppressed, but I never cut it completely.”

“Why?” My voice came out barely above a whisper. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I couldn’t.” He ran a hand through his hair, frustration evident in every line of his body. “Because the thought of completely severing our connection, of never having even the possibility of—” He stopped, jaw clenching. “I kept hoping you’d come back. That you’d realize he wasn’t right for you, that you’d come home, and maybe… maybe we’d have a chance.”

“You had no right.” The anger was building now, hot and fierce. “You had no right to make that decision for both of us. Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“I know—”

“You promised me that you would do it! How could you decide otherwise and make me believe a lie for seven years?”

“I’m sorry.” His voice was rough. “God, Khione, I’m so sorry. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sever it completely. Don’t you get it? It was torture… watching you moon over him when we were younger, listening to you talk about how perfect he was, how much you loved him. It was torture, Khione. The mate bond was the only thing I had—the only thing that belonged to both of us. It was my only hope that maybe, one day, when you finally realize how wrong that guy is for you, you’d come back and we’d still have this connection.”

“Still have this connection? Do I fucking look like I am looking for another connection?”

“Khione…”

“You are trying to put this on me when you were the one who lied!”

“I’m not.” He ran a hand through his hair, looking more vulnerable than I’d ever seen him. “I’m not blaming you for anything. You made your choice, and you had every right to make it. But I couldn’t let you go. Not completely. The bond was all I had left of you.”

“So instead you just kept it? Just held onto it without my knowledge or consent?”

“Yes.” He didn’t flinch from the accusation. “I kept it. I suppressed it so deeply you couldn’t feel it, but I couldn’t bring myself to destroy it. Not when it was the only connection I had to you.”

I wrapped my arms around myself, an attempt to protect myself from the warm pulse I could feel between us.

“You should have told me. You should have been honest instead of lying to my face.”

“You’re right.” He moved closer, his eyes searching mine. “I should have. But you were so in love with him, so determined to choose your own path. If I’d told you the bond was still there, what would you have done? Would you have stayed? Or would you have hated me for not respecting your wishes?”

I wanted to say I would have stayed. I wanted to believe I would have made a different choice. But the truth was, I’d been obsessed with Kieran back then. Blinded by what I thought was love.

“That doesn’t make what you did right,” I said quietly.

“I know. And I’m sorry. Sorrier than I can ever express.” He took a breath. “But I need you to understand something. I loved you then, Khione. I love you now. I’ve loved you since we were children, and I never stopped. Not for a single day in those seven years. The bond was all I had left, and I was selfish enough to hold onto it.”

I froze at his words, refusing to believe my ears.

“Were you really that blind, Khione?” Emrys asked, peering into my eyes. “So blind that you could not see how I worshipped the ground you walked on. How totally in love I was with you?”

My wolf stirred, responding to his words, to the bond, to him. But I pushed her down ruthlessly.

“I can’t do this.” My voice came out steadier than I felt. “I can’t tie myself to another man, Emrys. I just escaped one relationship that nearly destroyed me. I’m not jumping into another one, mate bond or not.”

“I’m not asking you to—”

“Reject it.” The words came out firm, final. “Sever the bond completely this time. For real. I do not want this so please… reject the mate bond.”

He went very still. “No.”

I blinked. “What?”

“No.” He moved closer, his amber eyes blazing with an intensity that made my breath catch. “I let you go once, Khione. I stood back and watched you run away with a man who never deserved you. I lied and told you the bond was gone when I should have fought for you. I suppressed it and told myself I was being noble, giving you space, respecting your choices.” His voice dropped, became rougher. “And look where that got us. Look where that got you.”

“That’s not fair—”

“Well, life isn’t fair, princess.” He closed the distance between us until I could feel the heat radiating off his body. “And I’m done pretending I can just stand back and watch you throw away what we have. I’m done being patient and understanding and waiting for you to be ready.”

“You don’t get to decide that.” But even I could hear how weak my protest sounded.

“You’re my mate.” The words came out fierce, possessive. “Which makes you mine, Khione. I let you go once and I will never be that stupid again. Never.”

“I’m not yours. I don’t belong to anyone—”

“Then let me be yours.” His hands came up to cup my face, gentle despite the intensity in his voice. “Let me be whatever you need. Your bodyguard, your friend, your pillar when everything feels like it’s crumbling. Let me stand beside you while you prove yourself to your father, while you fight Kieran, while you figure out who you are. I won’t push the bond, I won’t demand anything you’re not ready to give, but I won’t reject it either. Not this time. Not ever again.”

“Emrys—”

“I love you. I’ve loved you since we were children, and I’ll love you until the day I die. That’s not going to change whether the bond exists or not. So stop asking me to cut the one thing that connects us, because I won’t do it. Not again.”

My breath caught in my throat. “I can’t give you what you want. I’m broken, Emrys. I’m carrying another man’s children. I’m a mess and I don’t know how to fix myself and—”

“I don’t need you to be fixed.” His thumbs brushed across my cheekbones, wiping away tears I hadn’t realized were falling. “I do not need anything from you. I just need you to let me be here. To let me be your rock while you figure everything else out. I need you to let me love you like I always wanted to.”

“Emrys…”

“I am not breaking the mate bond. You can ignore or fight it, you can pretend it doesn’t exist. But I won’t reject it. I won’t cut the connection between us. Not when I just got you back.“