the divorce

Millicent’s pov

I’m sitting in the courthouse and the air tastes like metal, defeat, and old papers, it’s the kind of place where people come and never leave the same way, and today’s definitely my turn. I sit alone on the cold wooden bench, with my fingers twisted together so tight they look bloodless. Brian is late, which is somehow worse because, when he arrives, he does so in the exact way I feared he would, with Ria by his side.

They walk in arms locked in on each other, her hair glossy, her dress is soft pink, like the innocence she lacks, she’s walks in with a smile on her face, aware that she had destroy the last ten years of my life. Brian looks well-rested and confident, the kind of confidence men get when they’ve already forgotten the woman who loved them, cared for them and even gave them a sweet little boy. He doesn’t even glance at me, but the sight of them together burns something in my stomach, something dark.

I swallow it down, because I need to breathe, I need to survive this. My son’s life and my sanity depends on it. Brian filed for divorce the same day I caught them, it’s not even up to twenty-four hours yet, it’s like he had the papers ready, just waiting for me to walk in at the wrong time.

“Mrs Vel?” His voice drags me back to reality. A young man stands in front of me, about my age, dressed in a black shirt tucked into his black pants.

“Former Mrs Vel, but you can call me Milli.”

“Right Milli. I’m Kevin. Your lawyer sent me. He got an emergency hearing and I’m sorry he had to back out of this one.”

My eyes shoots up and my heart drops to my stomach, of course my lawyer has abandoned me when I need him the most. Shit!

“And he sent you?” I ask

“Yes ma’am, I’m his assistant.”

“Okay.” I swallowed

“Shall we? I’ve gone through some of the files and your husband wants it all. In translation, he wants to destroy you and leave you with nothing.”

“Gosh.. I’m fucked aren’t I, I exhale, covering my face with my hands.”

“In all honesty, you are.” His voice echoes in my head. Brian wants everything, our house, our savings, the cars, even the old furniture he never liked, all to get to me. Could it be Ria’s idea? He wrote in the documents that I’m “financially irresponsible,” and that I “lack mental stability.” Gosh. Even he knows it’s a fat lie, he knows I handled everything in the house. From the chores, businesses, to the so called financial decisions, but in court, lies dressed up in suits often wins.

And that’s not even the shock of all is, he doesn’t even want our son, that’s the part I can’t seem to choke down my stomach. Josh is only two and he has a weak immune system which made him sleep in the hospitals most times, I know he can be treated, Brian just didn’t want to help, he still doesn’t want to.

Brian actually said that “raising a defective kid isn’t in his schedule.” I almost broke down the moment he said it, but instead, i walked away from the meeting and threw up on the side.

Now, I’m sitting in the courtroom all alone. mom said she’d come but she’s probably passed out already on the living-room couch again, drowning in cheap vodka and old regrets. I don’t blame her, I just wish I didn’t need her today. But I do. The loneliness is hasher than frostbite on skin.

The judge enters and Brian finally looks at me, but there’s something lingering in that stare, not hate, just ick and boredom, as if this whole marriage was a chore he’s glad to be done with me. Ria sits beside him like the prize he earned after ruining me. All these years I thought I had a friend, I didn’t know she was just waiting for the right time to stab my back. Smooth.

The hearing is short, and my lawyer couldn’t even afford to show up, and so he sent a young assistant who kept flipping through all the wrong files and folders.

Meanwhile, Brian’s lawyer, looks like he charges by his very breath.

“Your honor, Mr. Vel provides financial stability,” he says.

“Mrs. Vel has no job.” The young assistant argues.

“Mr. Vel can ensure adequate living conditions.” Brian’s lawyer continues.

“Mrs. Vel is currently residing in an unsafe environment.” The young lawyer throws in, trying to at least get Brian to offer child support, but he can only do so much.

“Mr. Vel is willing to allow visitation rights.”

“Mrs. Vel cannot financially support the child. She needs assistance.”

They go on and on, and each sentence is just like a bullet to my heart and I take them all. When the judge rules in Brian’s favor, I already know. I knew the moment I walked in, but still, hearing the words out loud makes my chest ache like something is physically tearing.

The judge proclaims that full control of all marital assets goes to Brian, but custody goes to me, because he obviously didn’t want it. No support, no alimony, no minimal child support because his lawyer argued that I had “family assistance available to me.”

I wish they knew. I want to scream, yell, and tell them my mother can barely stand sober long enough to say my name, I want to tell them I have nowhere to go, but my throat closes, and nothing comes out. Brian leaves the room with Ria on his arm, smiling like he just closed a huge business deal, while Ria glances back once, not with guilt, but with pity.

I fucking hate pity, and so force myself to stand even though my knees keeps shaking, I clutch my bag to my chest like it might hold the pieces of me that haven’t shattered yet.

“Im really sorry ma’am.” Kevin apologizes before leaving with his brown suit case.”

I nod, words fail to leave my mouth even as it opens. My legs manage to carry me outside the courtroom, I find an empty bench and sit, I pull out my wallet because I need to know how bad things are, I already pawned my wedding ring to pay the lawyer’s entry f*e.

There’s a ten-dollar bill and another that’s torn, three crumpled fives, and a few coins that jingle like sheer mockery.

One hundred and forty-eight dollars is all I really have left after two years of marriage, after giving Brian everything, my virginity, my dreams, my strength, my love, everything. The hallway spins a little bit and blink until it stills, I summon all my courage because this is my life now.

I grip the money with my now numb fingers, swallowing the lump rising in my throat, less than one hundred and fifty dollars to my name, a sick child to care for,

a drunk mother in a collapsing house, and no one, absolutely no one, to lean on.

The day I married Brian, I never imagined an ending like this , but here I am, broken, humiliated and starting again from below zero, at rock bottom, and yet somehow, there’s still more to lose, because the worst hasn’t even happened yet.