46 He Will Forget

Fueled by ridiculous motivation and enthusiasm, I barely slept half the night, digging through the endless depths of the internet, trying to find as much information as possible about Nazar’s problem. I can’t even explain why exactly, but I wanted to be useful to him, wanted to ease the man’s inner struggles as a father. I saw how much this topic bothered and unsettled him, and I genuinely felt sorry for him, just on a human level.

After digging around, I actually found a few pretty interesting and clearly written materials. I downloaded them and even went as far as printing them out.

We had a date planned for today, and so I wouldn’t have to drag this whole damn stack around in the evening, I decided to stop by Nazar’s workplace, his shop, and give him the materials in advance.

He mentioned yesterday that he had a busy workday today, so I figured I’d just drop in for a minute.

Though, if I’m being honest, I just wanted to see him again. Yesterday’s kiss and the desire it sparked keep haunting me the second I close my eyes. So here I am, reduced to looking for random excuses to run into Nazar. Pathetic and funny at the same time, but I can’t do a damn thing about it, my legs are already carrying me toward his huge shop.

But when I saw Nazar near his store, my enthusiasm dropped like a rock. Apparently, I’m the only one excited about tonight, because the man was radiating pure ice and irritation from the very first second. His green eyes had none of their usual warmth or friendliness, just steel and some kind of restrained cruelty, mixed with irritation he wasn’t even trying that hard to hide. It felt like he was pissed at me and just wanted to get rid of me as fast as possible. The conversation was so strange and distant that I even forgot why I came and didn’t give him the printouts.

What the hell got into him?

Maybe work problems or issues with deliveries? The idea that he got pissed at me for my initiative… I don’t even want to think about it. Could I really have annoyed him that much, interrupting his work?

They say initiative fucks the one who takes it. Looks like that’s exactly what happened to me.

And what the hell got into me anyway, that I suddenly felt like solving someone else’s problems like some idiot? Nobody asked me to. I can’t even fix my own life, I lie like I breathe, and yet here I am trying to “help” someone else.

What a joke. Nazar probably thought I was shoving my advice up his ass without being asked. Idiot.

I got ready for the date nervously and distracted, that daytime meeting really threw me off. I decided not to wear anything over the top and stuck with a light dress and sneakers. Nazar himself said to dress comfortably, so this worked, simple, cute, nothing flashy. So he doesn’t think I’m trying too hard to impress him. I need to remind myself I’m a confident woman, I don’t need that shit.

I should leave early to get to the place before him. I grab some cash for a taxi and toss it into my small clutch.

Damn… the throat spray for blowjobs, I’d better take that out of my bag today. Not everything at once, as they say. And with the attitude he had earlier, he can go without it entirely.

When I got to the building where I supposedly “live,” I started getting insanely nervous, which pissed me off even more. And when I saw Nazar pull up on a badass bike, my heart straight up skipped a beat.

God, he’s so damn good-looking and bold. And that bright white smile like some underwear model, and that burning gaze that could melt glaciers…

I stand there trying to shake off the spell, pulling myself together and biting the inside of my cheek hard. Seems like it worked. More or less.

I’ve never ridden a bike before, and it turned out to be way beyond anything I expected. I’m naturally pretty sensitive, so that powerful vibration of metal beneath me was insanely arousing. Like riding a giant vibrator. Thrilling, extreme, and so damn good. Or maybe it was the ridiculously hot guy pressed right up against me, and I could feel his perfect, hard, tense, insanely sexy body.

When we stopped, I couldn’t hold back my emotions. Neither could Nazar, grabbing me tight and kissing me greedily. It felt so natural, like we’d been together for half a lifetime already and had just as much ahead of us. I was burning, brighter than fire, until the brunet snapped back to reality and pulled away slightly, looking into my eyes with feeling.

“Listen, Ann, I’m serious about you,” he murmurs, burying his nose into my neck, sending shivers down my spine. “I want us to be together. I want to call you mine and do a lot of indecent but very nice things with you.”

Damn. I knew exactly where this was going, and still couldn’t stop myself. His words hit something inside me that had been silent for years. I wanted so badly to be weak next to him, needed, normal… a regular girl. And I let him get too close.

“But I have a child,” I remind him, and my lie bites me in the ass hard. Why didn’t I just tell the truth from the start? What would that change…

“And I’ve got three,” he replies calmly, not bothered at all. “Hell, make it ten. I’m far from poor, I can provide for my family no matter how big it is. I love kids. In the future, we could have more.”

Those words hit like a whip straight into the sorest spot. Reality cut through my sweet, selfish haze.

“Nazar…” I look at him and realize what a complete piece of shit I am.

I don’t deserve a man like him. He’s being sincere, open, giving me his whole heart, and I’m just lying through my teeth. How long can I keep this up? This whole thing is doomed for a dozen reasons.

“I love you, Ann,” he finishes me off like a bullet to the head. “From the moment we met, and more with every day. Be mine…”

My chest is pounding painfully hard. And the worst part… he matters to me too. A lot.

I want to scream, rip my hair out.

Why did I let it get this far? I trapped him… and myself. Fucking selfish bitch. I only thought about what I wanted, not giving a damn that he might actually fall for me. How am I any better than his wife?!

This can’t go on. And it won’t.

As the fire between us flared, burning everything, hearts, souls… I was thinking about only one thing, with bitterness and sadness.

It’s not too late.

He’ll forget.

Sooner or later, he’ll forget me.

He has to.

And I… I’ll remember forever.