Chapter 4

I couldn't sleep all night.

I lay on that mattress with the ceiling staring back at me, replaying every word Sebastian said.

I must have checked my phone a hundred times. No texts from him. No damn explanation.

By the time the sun came up, I had made two decisions.

One: I was going to school. First day of a fresher year.

I'd paid for it with blood and bruises, and I wasn't going to let Sophie or Jason or anyone else take that from me.

Two: I was going to find Sebastian. And I was going to make him tell me what the fuck he meant.

The third decision… I had to go to the club at eight o'clock tonight… I shoved into a box in the back of my head and didn't open.

* * *

The university was exactly what I expected. Big buildings. Girls in expensive leggings and guys in even more expensive sneakers. Rich kids everywhere who showed off.

Everyone is laughing and talking, having fun.

As I stepped into the hallway, I noticed everyone kept looking at me. Not just looking. They were even snickering too.

A guy in a business frat shirt caught my eye, grinned, and pretended to take a picture with his phone.

That was when my stomach dropped.

They'd seen it. The photo. Sophie's group chat had spread faster than I'd thought.

I pulled my hoodie tighter to cover my face and walked faster.

* * *

The first few classes went fast. Introductions. Syllabuses. Icebreakers where everyone said their name and their major and something interesting about themselves. When it was my turn, I had nothing to say, and the professor gave me a weird look.

By lunch, I hadn't seen Sophie or her pathetic boyfriend Jason. And I definitely hadn't seen Sebastian.

I sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria with a granola bar and watched everyone else laugh with their friends.

I got up and threw the rest of the granola bar in the trash.

* * *

The athletic complex was my last stop of the day.

Before reaching the school, I'd gotten a call from mom telling me to register for a sport. At least if I couldn't have friends, it would help with my social life. Not like I could argue. It was compulsory anyway.

Every fresher had to pick a sport… something about "building character" and "campus involvement." I didn't give a shit about any of it, but I needed the credit, so I stood in line with other kids while a bored woman at a clipboard checked names off a list.

"Name?"

"Jae. I want hockey."

She looked up at me. Then down at my thin frame. Then back up at my face.

"Hockey?"

"Yeah. Hockey. Skates. Puck. Ice. You know what it is?"

She did not appreciate my tone. "Hockey is full. Try something else."

"Full? It's the first day."

"Try something else."

I could feel eyes on me. More snickering from the line behind me.

"Fine," I said. "What's available?"

"Swimming. Wrestling. Volleyball. Dodgeball."

"I can't do any of those…"

"Then don't get credit." She looked past me, cutting me off. "Next."

I stood there for a second with my fists clenched, ready to say something I'd regret. Then I saw the board behind her. The list of team captains. Student names, printed in neat black letters.

Hockey — Sebastian Vaughn.

Of course.

Of fucking course.

I turned around and walked out.

* * *

The janitor's closet was the only place I could find that was empty.

I locked the door behind me and leaned against a shelf of cleaning supplies.

I slid down to the floor and put my head in my hands.

I hadn't cried since yesterday, but I could feel it building. The lump in my throat was getting worse.

I squeezed my eyes shut and a single tear started falling from my eyes.

Even a school I just enrolled in saw me as nothing.

The door opened.

I hadn't locked it properly. Of course, I hadn't. I couldn't even do that right.

"Occupied," I said without looking up. I didn't care if it was the janitor or if this area was prohibited. I just wanted to be alone.

Whoever it was walked toward me.

"I was looking for you." I knew that voice.

I looked up.

Sebastian stood over me, arms crossed, with that same expression on his face.

He looked different in the daylight. His uniform was simple… black pants, white shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows. His hair was messy, like he'd been running his hands through it.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"I was going to ask you the same thing. You walked out of the athletic center without picking what you wanted and in front of everyone."

"I didn't want to play their fucking games."

"So you came to hide in a closet?"

"It's better than out there." I gestured toward the door. "Everyone's laughing at me. Sophie made sure of that."

Sebastian's jaw tightened. "I know."

"Of course you know. Your best friend was on top of her."

I didn't have the energy to argue. I just put my head back in my hands and stared at the dirty floor.

"Why are you here, Sebastian?" Nothing. He said nothing.

Then I heard him move. He crouched down in front of me… very close again, the same way he had in my apartment. His knees almost touched mine.

I stared at him. His face was inches from mine. I could see the small scar on his eyebrow again.

The curve of his lips. Every feature in his face, even his nose, had the perfect angle and structure.

I dropped my head down between my knees.

My eyes burned. I couldn't hold it in anymore. The lump in my throat had gotten worse.

Fuck. No. Not here. Not in front of him.

"Hey." Sebastian's voice was softer now. "Look at me." I shook my head.

"Look at me."

I couldn't. Because if I looked up, I'd cry. And if I cried, I'd never stop.

"I saw Sophie," I said instead. My voice cracked on her name. "Before I came here. She was walking across the quad with Jason. She had a bag. A designer one. The one I was saving for her birthday."

"He bought it for her. In one afternoon. While I was working double shifts and getting hit by my manager and eating expired yogurt for dinner." I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. "Two years. Two fucking years, and she threw it away for a guy with a trust fund and a nice car." After saying that, I went numb.

The silence stretched between us. I could hear Sebastian's breathing, loud.

"I can make you forget about her," Sebastian said.

I dropped my hands and looked at him.

His face was different now, like he hated seeing me hurt, and his fists were clenched.

"What did you say?"

"I said," he leaned closer… so close that I could feel his breath on my lips, "I can make you forget about her. If you want me to." "I don't…" I started.

"Yes, you do." His eyes dropped to my mouth, lingering there for a bit.

His hand came up slowly, giving me time to pull away, and touched my jaw. His fingers were gentle.

"I hate seeing you like this," he said.

His thumb traced along my jawline.

"Stop fucking acting like you're strong. You need someone to care for you," he said. And then, softer: "Let me be that someone. Just for today." My breath caught.

"Sebastian…"

"Tell me no." His mouth was so close now. A breath away. "For months, I've been wondering if you only had a thing for girls. It made me stay the fuck away from you, even when I longed to. Just… tell me no, and I'll walk out that door, and we'll never talk about this again."

My breath caught. I didn't pull away. I could have. His hand was loose on my jaw, giving me every chance.