16—Love After Heartbreak

The words sounded small in the quiet room, but she needed to say them.

She didn't deserve to be cheated on.

She didn't deserve to be insulted because of her body.

She didn't deserve to be thrown out of her home.

She wished she could talk to her mother right now, tell her everything but her number was blocked, even if she goes to Indonesia to find them, they've left the apartment they used to live inside before.

She wiped her cheeks and reached for the small book on the drawer. It was a notebook with a brown leather cover, her diary. She hasn't written much in it yet, but tonight she needed somewhere to put everything she couldn't say aloud.

She opened to a fresh page, her handbag was in the living room, she went to carry it, picked her pen inside and sat on the bed.

For a few seconds, she didn't know where to begin.

Then she started writing.

Dear Diary,

I don't even know how to explain how I feel tonight.

Today was supposed to be a good day. I went to work, Mr. Elliot approved my report, and Elaine was happy with my progress. I was even given another opportunity to prove myself. I should be excited, and I am, but there's something I haven't been able to get out of my mind.

Yesterday, I almost got arrested.

I keep thinking about it, and the more I think about it, the more frightened I become. Jacob accused me of assaulting his pregnant girlfriend and threatening her life. I didn't do any of those things, yet I was the one being questioned.

What if Mr. Elliot hadn't been there?

What if he hadn't asked the police officers for evidence or explained what he witnessed? Would they have believed me? Would I have been taken away because of a lie told by the man I once called my husband?

I never imagined that marrying someone could put me in a position where I would have to defend myself against the very person who was supposed to love and protect me.

And that night in the taxi…I still remember how terrified I was. I asked the driver to stop, but he refused. Then he pulled out a gun, and I realised I couldn't get away from him. I genuinely thought something terrible was going to happen to me.

What if Mr. Elliot hadn't come along? Where would I be now? Would I even be here, sitting in my apartment and writing this?

I don't know what that man intended to do with me, and I don't think I want to imagine it.

I am grateful to Mr. Elliot. I know he's not the easiest person to work with, and sometimes I wonder how he manages to be so arrogant, but he helped me when I needed help. Twice. I won't forget that.

And Georgia…

I don't think I say thank you enough.

What would I have done without her?

She came back into my life after five years, and somehow, she has become the person I can call whenever I don't know what to do. She found me a job, helped me get an apartment, made sure I had the things I needed, and never once made me feel ashamed for accepting her help.

I keep wondering what would have happened if we hadn't met again. I was already struggling before she found me. I had no job, no proper place to stay, and no idea how I was going to start over.

I don't want to think about where I would be without her.

Sometimes I feel embarrassed that I have to depend on someone else, but Georgia has reminded me that accepting help doesn't make me weak.

I wish I could go back and tell the younger version of myself that things wouldn't always be this difficult. That she would survive the heartbreak, the disappointment, and all the things she never thought she could endure.

I wish I could tell her that she would eventually find the courage to leave.

I am still scared. I don't know what tomorrow holds, and I don't know how long it will take before I stop remembering everything that happened.

But I want to be happy again.

I want to build a life that belongs to me. I want to have a career, make my own money, laugh without feeling guilty, and wake up without wondering what terrible thing might happen next.

I don't want Jacob to have that much control over my life anymore.

I deserve peace. I deserve kindness. And I deserve to be treated like a human being.

I hope one day I can read these pages without crying.

For now, I'm just grateful that I'm alive, that I have a roof over my head, and that there are still people who care about me.

Thank you, God, for bringing me this far.”

She stopped writing and stared at the last word.

A tear fell onto the page, slightly smudging the ink.

Anna quickly wiped it with her fingertip, closed the diary, and held it against her chest.

For a while, she remained seated on the bed, allowing herself to feel everything she had been trying to suppress.

She didn't have to pretend to be strong tonight.

She didn't have to smile for anyone or convince anyone that she was doing well.

She was allowed to be hurt. She was allowed to be frightened. And she was allowed to miss the life she once thought she would have.

But she also knew she couldn't remain trapped in those memories forever.

Eventually, she placed the diary back inside the drawer, switched off the bedside lamp, and lay down.

Her phone vibrated in her bag, she reached for it.

It was Georgia's message.

Georgia: Have you reached home?

Anna smiled weakly and replied.

Anna: Yes, I just got in a while ago.

Georgia: Good. Have you eaten?

Anna let out a small laugh.

Anna: Georgia!

Georgia: Don't Georgia me. Answer the question.

Anna: I haven't. I'll make something now.

Georgia: Good girl. And don't stay up too late. You need your beauty sleep.

Anna shook her head.

Anna: Good night, troublemaker. Love you.

Georgia: Love you more. Sleep well.

Anna placed her phone on the bedside table.

She felt a little better. She didn't know what the future held for her, but she was beginning to understand something important.

Her life has not ended with her marriage.

She was still here.

And she would find her way again.