Chapter 2 Shattered beyond words

Tamara.

They both stared at me like I was third wheeling, in my own home!

My chest tightens, I could barely catch my breath, each inhale shaper than the last.

Again, Killian brings his disrespect home, and to my face, this has happened more times than I could count.

And each time, the pain didn't hurt any less. He said he'd hurt me to no end and he has done just that.

Two months ago, I had asked for a divorce, I couldn't take it anymore, the pain he had caused me messed with my mental health, I was gradually losing it.

But to Killian, it was one big joke, he laughed so hard that day, he told me to my face that he'd never grant me divorce.

That I'm more than welcome to try.

He has every means to keep me in this marriage and I know it.

So, I tried my best not to let his actions and words hurt me, but is it even possible when I still loved him?

I — I know that sounds pathetic…crazy even, but I've tried to hate him, I have, but we can't immediately unlove what or whom we love dearly.

I want so much to be able to get over him.

Maybe, some day, I'd be able to look at him and feel nothing.

I take in the scene, and tried not to let their affection hurt me.

Without a word, Killian leaned in, pulling Chloe closer to his firm body and the home wrecker shrilled. “Killian!” she says in a low breathy voice. “Stop- your wife is right here,” 

“Shut up bitch!” I screamed internally but said nothing, my pride wouldn't let Chloe have the upper hand this time, let alone show the pain they had caused me.

Killian merely winks, turning his gaze to me. “I'm sure Tamara doesn't mind,” he stuttered back sheepishly, and murmurs something into her ear, while her giggles fills the air.

That's it, I've had enough.

I couldn't take much more of their cloying canoodling, it was so painful, even though I hadn't shown it.

Why was I even standing there watching them anyways?

Quickly, I pick my bag and turn my back on them, walking my way to the stairs, and I could have sworn I heard them snicker.

This—- this right here, has given Chloe who wouldn't dare talk to me back then the right to disrespect me day after day.

Killian has rubbed me off my dignity and respect as a woman, as his wife and he has no remorse whatsoever for what he's done.

I'm fed up, tired— I want out. But I can't, not when I know what it’ll cost me.

I walked into my room, or rather the room he imposed on me, he threw my things out of the bedroom we shared.

the silence of my room mocked me as I slump into the large bed, coiling myself into a ball, hoping the pain would go away in no time.

And right then my phone rang.

It's Mom calling, that alone soothes my nerves. “Hey, Tammy,” my mother's voice sounded through the phone, and there's hope in it again.

I haven't heard that much light in her tone in a really long time, not before her diagnosis.

Hearing her voice, sound and cheerful made all my worry and pain bubble to nothing.

“Hey mom,” I say, trying to keep my voice as steady as I can. “You seem—happy,” I say with a breathy chuckle.

“That's because I am, honey. I feel so much better, my body's taking well to the new treatments,”

A smile breaks through my sullen face. “I can't wait for you to get better mom, I really can't,” I say and there's a strain in the last note.

Of course, she noticed, mothers always know these things. “Are you okay? Is everything alright with Killian?” she asks, her voice dripping in concern..worry.

Oh, did I mention I haven't breath a word of everything going on in my home to Mom?

But how can I?

She loves Killian as a son, it'd break her if she knew, and— she's ill, can't bother her with my marital issues right now.

So again, I keep my voice steady and lie to my mother. “... Killian's fine, everything's fine, I promise. I'm just really happy that you're getting much better,”

“Me too,” that cheerful tone returns. 

“I have to go now Mom. Got a few things to do, I will call in the morning, I love you,” I say before she notices any more of my lies.

“I love you too, so much. My regards to Killian.”

“He’ll hear,” I kill the call. 

He’ll hear? Liar, I mused to myself, forcing a deep breath down my lungs.

I tried to stop myself from thinking about tonight's incident, but it keeps coming to my mind. I mean, there's Killian who's apparently downstairs, in another woman's arms, doing God knows what.

I bet their clothes are strewn all over the parquet floor by now. 

I lay in bed and didn't even realize when tears pricked the corner of my eyes. I know I've told myself not to shed a drop of tears over Killian again, but sometimes I just can't help it.

Slowly, I drifted into sleep, leaving all the pain behind, while still on the clothes I've been on all day.

****

The next morning, I woke up with a slight headache, I must've cried myself to sleep, or not.

I roll out of bed, entered the bathroom to freshen up and shimmy downstairs for a cup of strong coffee.

Inside the kitchen, I place my hands on the counter and lean my head onto the overhead cupboards, waiting for the machine to do it's thing.

But then, my senses are alerted when I hear an approaching footsteps and I spin around, only to see Chloe in Killian's t-shirt and a pair of panties. It hit me then like a gut blow to the stomach.

Right, they must've been pretty busy all night.

My chest hurts even as I think this and I don't know how to get rid of this feeling.

She looked back and then inches closer with a wide taunting smirk. “I told you to enjoy this marriage while it lasts, that it was only a matter of time, didn't I?”

My eyes widens as I recall the message I got and had ignored from an unknown number some time last two years. “Enjoy him now, but just remember, it's only a matter of time,”

I stiffen, snapping my gaze to her. “It was you?!” I strained through my teeth, my anger bubbling over.

Her face twist into something I've never seen before. “Always been, too bad you took that for granted.” she quips back in a low tone, her voice shaking me to my core.

I feel blood drain from my face, how didn't I see it?

I thought it was a mere crush on Killian and that she didn't quite like me a lot.

But this?

I'm beginning to see, just how messed up and dangerous Chloe is.

She— she has always been there you know, at Killian’s side, playing the doting friend.

The very thought of having me fooled had my blood boiling hot with anger, I'm just about ready to strangle someone.

But before I could put my murder thought to good use, Chloe spits out in a clear mocking tone. “I knew you were dumb but I didn't think you were this dumb. Anyways, thank you for letting me have it easy, Killian is finally mine,”