Chapter 5

I woke up around five-thirty in the morning and slowly got out of bed to grab some clean clothes trying to find something comfortable to wear. I felt a little calmer compared to two days ago, but that anxiety is still there when I think about my day and I'm trying hard to not freak out just yet. I tried taking deep breaths as I’m getting myself ready and during that time I’m playing with the rubber band on my wrist trying to calm myself down a bit. Mom left me breakfast on the stove before leaving to work and I was standing at the door after I ate. It's only been a couple of minutes before seven and I checked my backpack to see if I had everything; checked if I had my house keys in my pocket and double-checked if I turned off the lights in my room. I finally stepped outside and made my way when I saw Elliot already there.

“How long have you been waiting?” I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders, “Five minutes, maybe.” he said before smiling. “I'm glad you decided to come to school today.”

I sighed as I got inside his car and put my backpack in the back seat. “Don't remind me. I'm trying to not freak out.” I told him as I closed my eyes and lay my head back on the headrest.

I can hear him chuckle as he turned on his car and began to drive. “It's okay. Just relax and I'll be there,” he said as if he was the solution for all my problems.

It was quiet for the rest of the ride, which was relaxing, and when he parked Elliot turned to me. “Alright. So we'll just walk inside the building, go to the door, and when you're ready we go in,” he tells me. “I'll be there and I'll be sitting next to you, but remember, I'm only there for the first period and I'll be seeing you again in PE.”

I took a deep breath. “Right,” I said like it's that simple.

“Do you want me to write down my classrooms just in case you ever want to find me?” he asked.

I felt my face blush as I nod, “Yeah, please. Just in case.” I answered and I watched him reaching for a piece of paper in his backpack.

I took it once he was down writing it and shoved it in my pocket glancing at the school building. There were people already walking up to the building and I began to play around with my rubber band as a distraction.

Elliot watched me before slowly reaching a hand out to place on top of mine. “Michael, it's okay,” he said.

I turned to him and took a deep breath before nodding. “I know.” I finally answered and he removed his hand.

We got out of the car and began heading inside the school grounds. Elliot was beside me as we made our way to the second floor until we finally reached the door to the classroom and I moved to the side while other students passed by. I can feel people glancing over at me and I couldn’t look up from staring at the floor worrying about what they could be thinking of me. Obviously, they'll remember me because I was the new student who had a panic attack and threw up on his first day, but I’m also the freak, the loser, the sick one. I shook my head before turning to Elliot and he already had a concerned expression on his face.

“You're okay. You made it to the door,” he said as if this was an accomplishment.

“And that's not progress because I still need to go inside and sit through the whole period,” I said and I began to run my fingers over the rubber band. “I'm now starting to panic.”

“Alright. So what should we do? Want to go to the restroom? Go back outside?” he asked.

I shook my head, “I have to go inside. If I don’t push myself to go in then I probably won’t handle it later.” I tell him.

“Okay,” he said.

I heard the first bell ring and knew that it meant that there were ten minutes before the late bell so that also meant that I have ten minutes to try to go inside the room. I took a deep breath and began to walk inside with my head down staring at the ground to make sure I don't make any eye contact with anyone. I didn’t need to see everyone staring at me while I'm trying to make my way to my seat and I was also trying to not feel my heart racing against my chest. Elliot followed behind me because I could see his shoes as they moved over to the empty desk on my right and I quickly covered my face as I tried to relax.

“Are you okay?” Elliot asked, quietly.

“Yeah, I'm trying to calm down,” I whispered back, but you can hear the panic in my tone.

“Alright. Just breathe slowly. If you want to run out just tap my desk and I'll follow you. I'll be right behind you.”

I nodded my head as I tried to breathe slowly as he said, but I wasn't too sure if it was helping and I heard the bell ring so I tried to at least listen to the lecture. During the lesson, I was able to calm my breathing and I glanced over at Elliot seeing him writing on his notebook, completely focused. I didn't bother looking around the classroom, afraid that I’ll make eye contact with someone, and I wasn't ready to face people just yet. I only kept my eyes on my notebook and just worked on the assignment, but with the packets, I wasn’t completely caught up. I didn't know what was going on and I guess it meant doing some extra reading to catch up. I sigh as I checked the time before seeing that the bell was going to ring and I made it through without having to rush out or having to call my mom.

I did it. I sat through the first period and I was already exhausted but I still have the rest of the day to go through. I put English on a list of classes that I'm going to need to do extra studying for and it would be a good distraction for me while I try to adjust to my classes. I finally decided to look up from my desk and saw the teacher was writing the homework assignment on the board when the bell rang. A couple of students were already getting up making their way out the door while a few waited for homework instructions to be completely written. I noticed a few students were cautious of me as they passed by and a few were looking at me.

"Well?"

I turn to Elliot, “What?” I was confused.

“It wasn't so bad right?” he asked.

I shook my head as I grabbed my backpack and got up. “But I don't know what I'll do with my other classes…” I said as I mess with the straps on my backpack to distract myself.

“You'll be okay.” He reassured me.

I turn to him and nod, “Thanks.”

We made our way out of the classroom and I knew that Elliot had to go. “Alright. I'll see you later on, okay?”

“Yeah,” I replied.

Elliot gave me a small smile before he turned around and began to make his way down the hallway then disappeared behind the crowd of people. Once he was out of my eyesight I felt a slightly heavy feeling on my chest and I took a deep breath before turning the opposite way to make my way to my second class. I'll be seeing him later; I'll be okay on my own. I told myself this as I looked for my classroom and I found it after a few minutes before the tardy bell rang. Unlike my first-period teacher, I looked around to find a seat, and a few people were already looking at me. It wasn't like I needed help, but it was a nice comfortable feeling that I was receiving from the teacher before the bell rang at the end of class.

I slowly reached out to open the door but I saw someone reaching out for it before me and I decided to let them go first just giving enough space so they could leave first. But when I reached out to leave someone pushed me as they reached out for the door too and this person was a bit built around the shoulder, taller than me or even Elliot, and I instantly had a mental note to stay away from him. I was sitting a couple of rows away from him and his attitude reminded me of someone I knew.

“Hurry up, stupid. The door won't open itself,” he said as he made his way out.

I was the last to leave the classroom after seeing him leave and I made my way to the courtyard looking for someplace quiet to sit. It was lunch, but I didn't feel like eating so I went to the library once I figured out how to make my way there and figured that I’d just work on my assignment to pass the time. I wasn't sure where Elliot would be at and I never asked, but I'm sure he would rather be with his friends. I don't want to continue to be a bother. I went back to an empty table, setting my bag on the table, and focused on my work. I worked on my English homework when I saw my book be knocked to the floor and I glanced up to see that guy from my last period.

“What's up freak?” He said as he sat on the edge of the table.

I held my breath as I watched him and debated on what to do. “What do you want?" I asked.

“I thought it was only fair to introduce ourselves,” he said and smirked. “Names David and I believe your name is Mike or Miguel?”

“Michael.” I correct him.

“Heard you made a commotion the other day. Is it true that you like, got sick or something?” he asked me and I knew sooner or later someone would come by to ask me.

I didn't want to talk back to him, but I can tell he was waiting for a response. “Yes,” I answered.

I tried not to look at him, but I was also trying to not be so close to him. I ignored my books on the floor because I was scared that he would try to do something if I reached out to them.

“So, you hate being touched? Is that it?” he asked as he reached a handout and I quickly moved my chair back.

“Don't,” I said a little louder than I wanted to and I froze a bit in my seat.

David smiled as he put his hand down, “You know that hurts my feelings. You make it seem like I wanted to hurt you.” he said as he stood up and I watched him from the corner of my eyes.