Don't Touch

Entering a new school has always gotten the best of me. Thinking about it, this has been my fourth time transferring to another school since my second year of middle school and it never gets easier. I woke up today at four starting my morning by taking a shower, changed into new clean clothes, and was soon pacing around my room deciding that I didn't like the clothes I was wearing. It is always frustrating having to change a few times until I find something comfortable and it only makes me feel hot like I need another shower. It's unbelievably difficult to start school halfway through the year as well and I was barely adjusting in my last school even though I had already attended for a year. I sat on my bed with my hand over my chest feeling my heart pounding and my throat tight making it difficult to breathe.I knew I was already having a panic attack, but I didn't want it to get to me; not yet. Not until the day is over and I can return to my room to cry over this feeling I am having

During the drive home, it was silent as Mom had nothing else to say and I didn’t want to talk more about what happened. I was exhausted so I went to lay down on my bed after coming home and I closed my eyes hoping to fall asleep. I just want this day to end, but I don't want tomorrow to begin. I don't want to start a new day or even try going to school either. Elliot was only trying to help yet he did everything that I couldn't handle, but I don't blame him either. I want to blame him, but it wasn’t exactly his fault because he doesn’t know what escalated my anxiety. I sighed as I got up walking to the restroom and closed the door behind me as I played some music from my phone while I leaned over the counter. I looked at myself in the mirror before opening the cabinet taking out a bag that hid a small blade and I sat down on the toilet as I took a few breaths starring it. I haven't cut myself for almost a year and there have been a few times where I sat down with the blade in my hand a

I woke up around five-thirty in the morning and slowly got out of bed to grab some clean clothes trying to find something comfortable to wear. I felt a little calmer compared to two days ago, but that anxiety is still there when I think about my day and I'm trying hard to not freak out just yet. I tried taking deep breaths as I’m getting myself ready and during that time I’m playing with the rubber band on my wrist trying to calm myself down a bit. Mom left me breakfast on the stove before leaving to work and I was standing at the door after I ate. It's only been a couple of minutes before seven and I checked my backpack to see if I had everything; checked if I had my house keys in my pocket and double-checked if I turned off the lights in my room. I finally stepped outside and made my way when I saw Elliot already there.“How long have you been waiting?” I asked.He shrugged his shoulders, “Five minutes, maybe.” he said before smili

The rest of the week went by much easier with only a few problems that weren't so hard to deal with and my anxiety towards school began to ease. Elliot has been coming by to pick me up every morning and after school, he brings me home; which seemed like a routine for us now. David has also kept his distance in class and I was more relieved by that because I wasn't ready to have a bully messing with me while I'm still adjusting. Jennifer helped me during class when I needed it and I finally decided on taking her offer for the tutoring sessions as well. It would help me catch up in class and not lower my grades and it also helps me be more social.Saturday finally came, Elliot and I are planning to go out, but we haven't planned on what we are going to do for the day. In a way, I was really nervous because I didn't know where we were going or how crowded the place would be or will I have any problems getting around. It's barely ten in the morning and Elliot said he was going to

A couple of days passed, I was able to go to the tutoring sessions with Jennifer, but I kept my distance with the other students. The help kept me up to date with work assignments and in no time I finally understood the questions in my homework. I still felt nervous about going to my classes and I haven't had the chance to get to know anyone in the classroom but at the moment I didn’t find it so important. Elliot still came by and he returned to being a teacher's aid in Ms. Lang's class so he stopped sitting beside me. I didn't mind it because Jennifer helped me when I needed it, but it also reminds me that I shouldn't be dependent on him because of the challenges I faced. The only problem I have is David; always trying to bump me whenever he has the chance and every time he does I always tend to freeze up, but I can't tell that to Elliot.He wasn't doing much besides pushing me slightly when he bumps me on the shoulder, but I hate it whenever he does this. It disgusts