004: loss state

Evangeline

“Girl. You better be joking!”

“Manon, kindly keep your voice down. We are in public.”

“Did you hear her?! Eiji?! Please tell me that this is not the most horrid idea you’ve ever heard!”

“Manon is right. It is a terrible idea, Eva. What were you thinking?”

I slurped on my chocolate and strawberry milkshake, listening to my friends lose their minds over my latest confession. Manon was a business management major; smart and ruthless, her only flaw being her love for alcohol. Eiji was a law major, often called our pillar of justice. And finally, Alaric, our budding neurosurgeon.

Since I met them on my first day of uni, my life has been a lot more tolerable.

And of course, I can be myself around them. That includes telling them of my plans with Professor Arthur.

“Relax. It’s not like I’m going to actually sleep with him. Unless it absolutely, totally, unequivocally calls for it.”

Manon openly glared at me. “You have finally lost your mind. All those big ass textbooks have fried your brain cells. Your parents will strangle you.”

“And when you’re dead, they will imprison your soul in a vessel for future torturing.” Eiji added coolly. He and Manon exchanged a high five over my head.

“Well if I go home with a 28, they’ll kill me either way. So I have to get this fixed today. ASAP. Are you guys going to help me or not?”

“Aren’t you a virgin?” Alaric, who had been silent the entire time, spoke up. He looked from his plate of salad, stunning dark eyes blinking at me innocently.

I choked on my milkshake. Manon burst out laughing, clutching her stomach as she doubled over. Eiji’s lips twitched but he didn’t smile.

I shot a cold glare at Alaric. “You’re one to talk. Don’t judge me,”

“I thought you and Jeremy…” Manon started to say.

I shook my head. “We were waiting for when we got married.” And it was in this same cafeteria yesterday that he broke my heart into pieces.

It was yesterday? It feels like ages ago.

Eiji cleared his throat and leaned into me. “I have to ask, how do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Ignore the whispers about you.”

Oh.

Since we sat down at our usual table by the windows overlooking the gardens, students have been shooting looks our way. Some of them have said things loud enough for me to hear.

“…She has nerves coming back here.”

“…Nepo babies and their stupid pride.”

“…Can you imagine, she and Jeremy broke up! After all the talk that they would last forever.”

“….Yeah, I can guess why, she’s a frigid looking bitch. Little miss perfect.”

I sighed. Honestly, their words did get to me. But the videos had all been scraped from the internet, and I know my parents have taken measures to ensure it never sees the light of day again.

In a twisted way, I’m grateful for that.

The perks of being a Bramwell. The power that comes with my last name. It makes me feel guilty all over again for tarnishing it yesterday.

My hand came up to my cheek. The pain had gone down a lot, thanks to Alice’s magic hands. The subtle sting served as a reminder of my transgression.

I need to properly apologize to my parents, and make sure I never embarrass myself again. I deserved it.

But oh well, my darling friends don’t need to know this. It’s best if they don’t.

“I think of them as extras.” I said with a smug smile, and an exaggerated flourish. “And I do not concern myself with the opinions of extras.”

Eiji smacked my head with his notebook. “Be serious for once in your life.”

“I am serious! I need help! It’s already 3pm, I have less than an hour and thirty minutes to get ready. Come on guys. Manon, give me your best kissing tips. Better still, let’s practice!”

“Urgh. She’s a clueless virgin.” Alaric muttered.

“So are you!” I screamed back at him.

“Evangeline,”

I froze. My eyes shot up and met Manon’s stormy gray eyes. A heavy blanket of silence fell over our table.

Manon does not use my full name. Not unless she’s dead serious, or drunk and about to spew one of her foolish lectures on morality or whatever fun topic she learned at the bottom of a bottle.

“Don’t do it. Imagine if this got out. You’re only 19. how old is this professor?”

“I dunno. He looked young? Late twenties? I'll have to investigate.”

“That’s not the point. This…this tastes like cosmic shit, and I mean it. Eiji, talk some sense into her, please.”

Eiji sighed and focused his soulful black eyes on me. “She’s right. We’re worried about you. It’s just one bad grade. You can’t jeopardize your future, you can't jeopardize NASA, for this. And of course there’s the legal consequences. The moral and societal fallout. It’s a lot, Eva. Forget about it.”

“You guys don’t understand,” I grumbled under my breath. "And I'm an adult. I'm not a kid,"

They truly don’t. They know on the surface that my parents are strict. But that’s as far as they know.

If this nasty grade gets to my father’s ear, he could move me miles away from here. From my friends. He has the power to rewrite my life in one command if I do not obey.

One more strike.

I can’t risk it.

Eiji is right. I can’t risk NASA. So I must do what I have to do. And that is seduce professor Arthur, get him to change my grades, and make sure my parents never hear of that 28.

I slapped a bright smile on my face and drank the rest of my milkshake. “You guys are right. Absolutely! What was I even thinking?! Giving myself away to a man I don’t even know? Scandalous.”

“Good. Keep that idea buried in the darkest parts of your mind.” Eiji said, relaxing into his chair and taking a bite of his burger.

“Where is Jeremy though? Has anyone seen him?” Alaric asked.

“I heard he left the country yesterday. Trouble at home, or something.” Eiji replied. "Tragic. It'll be decades before I attend any of your weddings. Sigh."

I tried not to think about Jeremy. If I did, I'd start to feel guilty fast. Then I'd rethink this entire thing. And I can't afford that.

Manon hasn’t said anything.

Her eyes narrowed on me. And I could instantly tell— she saw right through me.

It didn’t matter anyway.

Because by 4:29, I'm standing in front of Professor Arthur’s office, the top button of my shirt undone, my glossy golden hair spilling down to my back, and a fresh coat of lip gloss over my lips.

The very second my watch struck 4:30, I raised my hand and knocked on the door.

And I waited.

My heart thumped erratically in my rib cage, as if it wanted to break free. Butterflies made their home in my belly, the angry beating of their wings making me nauseated and lightheaded.

“Come in.” Professor Arthur called, his voice sending shivers racing up the back of my legs, making my knees weak.

This is it.

This is finally happening.

I’m about to lose my virginity!