Five

On our way to see my mother, Mrs. Tina asked if I would like to eat doughnuts. I gave her the sign that I am okay. 

"You better eat to have the strength to look after her," Mrs. Tina said. By the use of the word "her", she was referring to my mom. I squeezed a smile out. If only she knew all that she was saying is itching my ears. All I care about is seeing my mom.

A few minutes after we walked around the big hospital, we arrived at the ICU block. Having only watched it in movies, and patients in the ICU, it never occurred to me that one day in my life I will be standing, watching, and praying for my mother.

I saw my mother with her eyes closed, breathing through the oxygen fixed to her. A pipe and mask connected to her mouth and nose. She laid down on the bed like yesterday's vegetable. 

How did she get to this stage? I asked myself. In my memory there was no record of her falling sick, I can't remember the last time she swallowed paracetamol. 

I stood at the glass outside watching my mother without energy on the bed, tears rushed out of my eyes. 

The shopping complex has about 40 stores, all the store owners contribute some amount of money that was used as the initial deposit in the hospital.

After three days she was out of a coma, neighbours and I asked her what happened to her.

"I felt dizzy and everything became dark to me," she said.

Have you been sick before now? Mrs. Tina asked. My mom looked at my face, she said "Tonia go and eat."

I left the room and I don't know what she discussed with Mrs.Tina. Later in the afternoon, my mom was transferred to the ward. She looked pale, all of her body was white.

I shuttle between the hospital, school, and shop. The little ones that I sell are used in doing one thing or another in the hospital.

Two weeks to my WAEC, how can I read? 

when my world is fighting for her life in the hospital. 

My school management agreed that I should be present in the school for exams, even if I don't know what to write, they will help in a way. I wanted to abandon the exam till the following year, but the school management refused.  

What exactly was wrong with your mum? Madam Florence asked.

I don't know till one afternoon after she has stayed in the hospital for three weeks. I noticed that whenever I'm around, Mom forbade the doctors or the nurse to discuss her health. She would find one excuse to send me out.

I closed from school, and I decided to check up on her before opening the shop. I heard a male voice from my mother's ward, and I heard my mom speaking slowly.

"Madam there is a problem," the doctor said

What? She asked 

'Madam your situation is critical now' said the doctor

Don't scare me away doc! Tell me what it is, my mom yelled.

"You are very aware of the level of your high blood pressure."

Yes! I took the drugs as prescribed with the diabetes medication, and mom responded confidently.

I wanted to scream, but I had to cover my mouth with my hands. Mum is hypertensive and diabetic! This is the shock of my life. She hid it well away from me.

The doctor continues, "Madam this is not new to you that you have kidney disease, now it is at the risk stage"

I can't pretend anymore, I barge into the room. "Doctor, what did you mean by saying her kidney disease is at the risk stage?" I asked while my body was shaking.

Dear, it's nothing. Right doctor, you are talking about your other patient, not me? She faced the doctor.

Mom, no more pretence, I heard everything, I yelled and the room shook.

Madam, I think it's the right time you let your daughter know how serious your health is, said the doctor.

For how long have you been surviving yourself? I quizzed my mom.

I have developed high blood pressure since the day your father died. 

Mom! You have been on hypertensive drugs for over 16 years and I don't know. This is unbelievable! I screamed.

"Now is not the time to talk about what and why dear, now is the time to look for serious money if you want your mother to live", announced in his experienced tone by the doctor.

"Please doc! Don't startle my girl, you can see she is loosening it already", mom said jokingly.

It is only my mom that I know that she still jokes around at the point of death.

What about the rest of your families, why can't you reach out to them when your mom was fighting for her life? Mr. Badmus questioned.

Families? I don't have any. My mom's younger sister who often visited us before suddenly stopped coming after her wedding.

This is weird! Madam Florence let it out unaware.

My mom and her sister are very intimate. Two years after her wedding, she called one day sobbing on the phone. Mom can hear her husband's voice, shouting at my aunt. It seems my aunt did not know she dialled her sister's husband.

"You are grounded from going anywhere, especially to see that witch of your sister. She killed her husband, I can't fold my arms and watch you kill me. From today, you are forbidden from using your phone, no one will be able to reach you". My mom heard all the trash the man said, after the call ended, she was crying. 

Tonia hesitated a bit, her face was filled with tears and mucus.

There is more to this story, Mr. Badmus said as he shook his head.

Tonia was speechless aside from her sobbing voice. Madam Florence did not know what to say to her. Crying is a form of relief, they watched her cry for a while.

Your mother protected you well in her womb, you should do the same to the baby you are carrying, crying will affect the baby. Madam Florence whispered in her ears.

She quickly dabbed her tears. "I promise baby I won't cry again, I will protect you well". She touched her stomach, though her pregnancy was not obvious yet.

She awakens the fighting spirit in her. 

Anyone will want to know why her aunt's husband called her mother a witch, and even accused her of killing her husband, Madam Florence and her husband can't ask Tonia the why question, they fold hands watching one another in the eyes.

Tonia remembered the exercise madam Florence asked her to do earlier "breathe in, breathe out". She did it three times, and she felt relieved.

Madam Florence suggested if she doesn't feel well, she may continue the story another day.

"Ma, today is the best day to free my mind. Tomorrow is faceless", she said and drank some water.