Shit happens

A fine summer mist covered the expensive brown stones on Astor Street. I never got to talk to my mom or dad about my schoolwork or anything else. For starters, my mom loved getting drunk and clubbing more than anything else in the world, and my father somehow preferred being fond of everything else but us. I was only fifteen years old and this was the time I needed my parents the most but I guess I was just unfortunate like that. Mrs Fletcher, our kindest neighbor, God bless her soul, was the only person who gave two shits about us seeing as our parents didn't have any fucks to give in as far as me and my brothers went. 5.30am I was in bed sobbing, shivering and crying my heart out because my parents had refused to attend my consultation day at school. The fact that they didn't even care enough to know exactly when it was and why it was important for them to attend broke my heart so much. I was most about how my teacher Mrs Browns, was going to treat me. I could already imagine her feeling all sympathetic towards me, asking me if everything was okay at home and asking if there is anything she can do to better the situation. I hated being an object of pity, it made me feel useless and like I was the only one who had it hard in life. I also hated the fact that no matter what happened, Mrs Browns would never let me miss school for jack, she'd always make sure l attended all classes and never missed anything. Anyways, I pulled on my big girl panties and stopped crying, l had to prepare and brace myself for the day ahead. At least it was a Friday so l would get some rest during the weekend. I was feeling really sad and lost, little did l know life was about to get a whole lot shittier. I left for school that morning, along with my two brothers and when I came back, I was welcomed by some really shitty shit.

Firstly, what gave it away was the way it was quiet in the house. No sign of dinner cooking, no music (the house was usually noisy with my father and his friends drinking alcohol and enjoying themselves), but today, it was dead quiet. Not even a fly could be seen or heard buzzing around. At first I just thought maybe this meant that our parents had gone somewhere and they would be back later on or tomorrow, but the two pages on the table suggested otherwise. As it would turn out, this was a letter from my mother, addressed to us.

"Maria, my child, l know l have not been the best parent to you and your brothers. All l've ever done was look after my own interests and live a life that only pleases me. That is not something a good parent would do to. Now that l've realized how much l've been unfair to you, I think it's best that I leave you. Your father and l have decided to leave this place and go to a place where we'll live the lives we've always wanted to live. Please understand that we are doing this for you and ourselves, because we are creating an environment and opportunity where you can get better parents, Our hope is that you get people who will treat you how you deserve to be treated, people who will be devoted and committed to making you happy. Us, as your biological parents have failed at that. I know that you probably won't forgive us for the next 5 or so years, but maybe when you finally realize this was actually for your good then you might consider letting this go. We are so sorry for having to put you through this much pain, but I promise everything will work out. Maybe not immediately, but eventually.

We love you ever so deeply, never doubt that and we are truly sorry for failing to be the parents you deserve.

Love

Mom"

By the time I finished reading the letter l was shaking all the way down, tears were rolling down my cheeks. In as much as l understood that life is shitty, I couldn't think of any possible reason for it to be shitty like that. I cried like never before, l could feel my heart shredding into a thousand pieces. I cried so much until I couldn't cry anymore. I just sat there, numb and just really heartbroken. I don't know how long I sat in the same spot, I just remember Mrs Fletcher coming through the door with James and Justin. From the look on Mrs Fletcher's face, she was clearly unaware of what was going on. She looked at me without giving much thought to what I was doing crumpled on the floor, her tone was joyful, as usual but she started paying close attention to me when she got no response from me. The moment I looked at my brothers, tears started welling up in my eyes again. Mrs Fletcher looked around and looked the crumpled damp piece of paper and started reading it. Before she could go that far with her reading, she sat down and l could see her shoulders dropping down in disbelief. When she finished reading and looked at me I started mourning, literally. I was grieving, shuddering and screaming and I just couldn't hold myself. My brothers were so shocked, they came to me and started asking what was going on. Mrs Fletcher instructed them to go up to their room and stay there, saying l needed some privacy because something terrible had happened. I had cried before in my life, in fact that very morning I had cried, but never like this. This pain was on a whole new level, it didn't even come close to the pain l had felt that morning. Mrs Fletcher seemed unsure what to do, so she just let me cry. She went to what used to be my parents' bedroom, possibly to verify what she had read, and to her disappointment, the room was empty. Well, not entirely empty since they had left a few things they probably knew they would not need in their new lives. The amount of pain l felt in my heart cannot be fully explained-l felt like someone had gotten into my heart and was just hammering away, over and over again. Thinking of my brothers, l wasn't sure what would become of them, being quite young myself but I knew l would fight nail and tooth for them to be provided for and well taken care of. I didn't want them, or anyone else for that matter, not even my worst enemy, to ever feel the pain l was feeling. I couldn't even bring myself to think of how l would deliver such devastating news to them. I mean, I was just but a child myself and one thing I knew was_ life was shittier than anyone could ever imagine.