4. Lost Memories

ALIZA

“I am fine except the pain and heaviness in my limbs. My family..” I started to say but froze suddenly when I realized I don’t remember a thing about myself.

My mind just felt empty. I don’t remember. I can’t remember anything about myself, my family or friends except my name.

A cold wave of panic washed over me. My heart raced as I struggled to steady my breath. Random flashes flickered through my mind.. voices, places, blurry faces but they slipped away the moment I tried to hold onto them.

I clutched my head with my hands in pain and started pulling my hairs. Looking at me in pain, he grabbed my hands in his hand and started massaging my head with his other hand. His touch eased my pain and I felt sparks wherever he touched me.

“What happened?” I heard him say in his deep voice filled with concern, bringing me back to reality.

I stared at him, feeling lost and tears running down my eyes. “I… I don’t remember anything. All I know that my name is Aliza.” My voice cracked as fear crept in and I started breathing heavily.

His expression turned serious, with concern and worry flashing in his dark eyes. He shifted closed to me, letting go of my hands and taking my arms in his hands. “Breathe Aliza.”

But I was unable to breathe because the fear was choking me, tightening my chest and making it hard to breathe. He repeated, in a more firm and loud tone. "Breathe."

I didn’t even notice someone entering the room until another voice came through somewhere from the room, "She's having a panic attack, Alpha."

I turned my head slightly and saw a man in white clothes, coming closer to us, saying with worry, "Her body is already weak from the toxins and under stress and now this…"

The man in white took my hand from my prince charming and put his hand on my wrist to check my pulse. "She needs to calm down or her heart rate could spike dangerously." He said and let go of my wrist.

My prince charming turned towards him and replied as his hands grabbed my arms in his gentle grip once again, "I've got her."

He again turned to me and spoke to me in a soft and gentle tone this time. "Listen to me, Aliza. Everything is alright... just pay attention to my voice, okay?”

I tried, but the fear of not knowing who I was overwhelmed me. I shook my head in no. But he didn’t give up. His hands slid down to hold mine and his thumb started rubbing soothing circles on the back of my trembling hands.

His warm and tingling touch pulling me back to him from my darkness. He leaned ever more close to me until his face was all I could see and his breath was all I could feel on my face, making me want to lost myself in him. "Aliza, trust me. Start taking a deep breath. Like this….”

He did it first to show me and I tried to follow his instructions slowly. I tried to take a deep breath as he showed and felt the heaviness lift a little from my chest.

"That's it. One more." he encouraged, softening his tone even more.

I took another breath as I stared into his dark eyes. The tightness in my chest started to loosen up, making me feel a little better.

"Good girl. See? You are okay. Just keep breathing like this." He said, his voice gentle and full of assurance, like he was talking to a child, melting my heart.

Standing close by, the doctor watched in silence but didn’t interfere. My body continued to shake a little, but my breathing eventually evened out as I continued taking deep breaths. And throughout the process he didn’t let go of my hands, warming my heart.

"I am sorry..." I wanted to apologize from troubling them and also thank him but he shook his head in no.

“Don’t over think it Aliza, you’ve been through enough stress already. We’ll figure everything out, trust me. Rest now.” he said softly, his eyes full of sincerity that I couldn’t help but nod in yes.

And I felt a small sliver of hope that everything will really be okay. Then he let go of me and gestured to the doctor to check on me.

After taking another look at my vitals, checking on me and confirming I was alright, the doctor said. “She is fine now, Alpha. But I have to give her an injection to make her relax and calm down.”

He nodded at the doctor. The doctor grabbed a syringe and a tiny vial from his bag as he said to me, "This will help you sleep better."

I would have tensed up seeing an injection but my eyes were focused on my prince, looking deep into his dark eyes. Feeling myself lost in him, I hardly noticed the prick of the injection on my arm.

After the doctor was done, my prince helped me lay on my bed, covering me with the sheets and placing my head on the pillow carefully.

He assured me once again, “I promise to do everything I can to help you. But we will have to take this one step at a time, alright?”

I nodded at him, feeling tired. And felt my eyelids grew heavy almost immediately, making me feel sleepy.

…

CASPIAN

My heart ached at the condition of Aliza. She was so scared and seemed so fragile, like a delicate doll that could shatter at any moment. Right now she is sleeping after Nolan gave her a sedative to relax and make her sleep peacefully. 

“How is she?” I asked him, my eyes never leaving her.

Nolan glanced at me with a thoughtful expression and said, “Her losing her memories may complicate things, Alpha. But I can’t say anything for sure until the test results are out.” He said.

I nodded slightly, letting out a sigh as Nolan packed his equipments and left the room. He was right, it did complicate things. Not just her condition but the emotions she seem to awaken inside me.

I let out another sigh, rubbing my hand over my face. She was a stranger, who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. She even saved Ray, risking her life for someone she didn’t even know.

She earned my gratitude and respect for that. But this… the pull I felt toward her was different, awakening the emotions I hadn’t felt in years.

No. I shook my head. I couldn’t let her affect me like this. It wasn’t real. Guilt. Yes, I was just guilty because she was hurt saving one of my pack members. She is just my responsibility now and nothing more.

And yet, as I looked at her sleeping peacefully, the urge to touch her and be close her filled me once again. “She’s just my responsibility,” I tried to convince myself, clenching my fists tightly to control myself.

…

Next day I was in my office dealing with pack business when Nolan mind linked me that Aliza had woken up and was crying uncontrollably, not letting anyone go close to her.

I was trying so hard to ignore her but the thought of her crying again gnawed at me and I found myself standing outside her room, the sound of her sobs piercing my heart like sharp needles.

Finally, I pushed the door to her room open.

My breath hitched when I saw her. Tears were running down her face as she sat on the bed with her arms wrapped around her knees. Her blue eyes were swollen and puffy from her sobbing.

I called her gently as I entered the room and walked toward her, "Aliza."

She looked at me, hearing my voice and her eyes filled with relief.

Then she hugged me tightly, clutching my shirt in her fists as soon as I reached her. Her voice cracked as she sniffed, resting her face on chest, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I remember anything? Did I do something wrong?”

She asked me, making my heart clench and the feeling of protecting her came over me yet again. I didn’t know the answer but I know it will take some time for her to accept this.

…