Fearful But True

“You’re so sensitive tonight," I whispered as I sucked her nipple into my mouth, my eyes fixed on hers. “Even more so than usual.”

She moaned loudly when I held her nipple between my teeth and pulled softly. Her hands flew into my hair, digging into my scalp as she pushed my head deeper into her chest, a habit I've come to love and always look forward to. A habit that screamed that she needed more without having to use words. 

I was learning the language of her lewd body. The words that don't need a voice. The gestures that say things she would never voice out. I was learning the language her eyes spoke, and so far, what I've learned has thrilled and scared me. So far, what I've learned has only made me want to know more. And at a time like this, when she was drunk on pleasure, her eyes spoke more. And I listened. 

So I didn't dare look away as I kept pleasuring my lover, drawing those beautiful sounds from her. She pushed my head harder, demanding for more, and I grinned as I released her nipple. 

“Such a greedy mistress you are,” I purred as I shifted, coming to kneel between her spread legs, my spoiled and broken dick demanding attention, but I ignored the little fucker. Well… the big fucker, but that’s beside the point. 

“You want more, my love?” She nodded, her bottom lip between her teeth, her cheeks flushed, but I shook my head. “Words. You know how to use them so well.”

“Yes,” she breathed, already moving her hips, her breasts bouncing slightly, and my mouth watered even more as I stared down at them before I dragged my eyes back to the sinful look in her face. “Yes, baby, I need more.”

Oh, fuck me. Fuck me, that was bloody sexy. The way she breathed that word of endearment, combined with that look in her eyes, was enough to damn my soul and make me give in, but if there was anything that being with this magnificent being has taught me, it was being patient.

“And more you shall get, sweetling,” I whispered as I reached for that little toy. “But not from my dick. Not yet.” 

Her eyes dropped to the toy in my hand as I turned it on, and it vibrated. Heat pooled in the depths of those honey-brown eyes, her tongue snaking out to wet her lips. 

“Y-you’re going to use that?” she asked softly.

“Mhmm. I'm going to learn.” 

I placed the bullet vibrator on her folds, right in the middle, and her body jerked, her eyes widening. 

“Oh!” she moaned as she looked down at my hand, propping herself on her elbows so she could watch as I worked. “I-is it supposed to feel like that?”

“If you mean good, then yes, my darling, it’s supposed to feel like that.” 

I moved the vibrator slowly, back and forth, teasing it over her clit but never fully getting there. Her legs tried to close, but my body between her legs stopped that from happening. She shut her eyes as I got close to her clit again, only to snap them back open when I moved away without touching it.

“You bastard!”

I tsked as I pressed it on her clit for just a second, making her body jerk. “You should be nice to me, you know. I’m the one holding the power here.”

She bit her lip, glaring at me from lowered lashes, but when the vibrator passed over her clit again, her expression softened with pleasure, her voice doing the same as well, and melting something in me that shouldn't be melted. 

“Please, baby,” she whispered, her voice a rasp, a smooth purr as she moved her hips in a circle, and I almost moaned just hearing that term again, my dick now furious and leaking an embarrassing amount of precum to the sheets. “Please, boo, my clit is so lonely right now. Can you do something about it?”

God, this woman would be the end of me, and oh, what a beautiful end that would be. 

“Of course, sweetheart," I rasped as I fought the urge to fist my dick. “Since you asked so nicely and seductively.” 

She smiled in a way I think sirens would smile: luring and undoing, and I just followed her into the deep waters. I finally got serious as I placed the bullet on her clit, already swollen and needy, and her body jerked harder, her eyes wide as her mouth fell open. 

“Oh, that feels good!” she moaned loudly, her back arching, her hands fisting the sheets as I moved it in circles. “That feels so, so good!”

I was panting as I watched the pleasure on her face, the moans she blessed me with filling my head and going to store themselves in that lovely space I stored all things Siri. My hips moved and ground into nothing, my balls so heavy, it was painful. I didn't look away from her eyes, didn't dare to, as I learned new things, as I saw the hesitation and affection in those eyes.

“Jackson,” she moaned so softly, so tenderly, like my name was a prayer. 

I felt like I didn't deserve to have my name spoken with such tenderness, such delicacy that it unraveled something already unraveled in me, and it pushed me deeper into love, making the panic that hasn't left me since that night grow. It made that deep-rooted fear and helplessness in me sprout more branches, and like poison, spread through my bloodstream. 

“Jackson, that feels so good.”

“I know, baby,” I whispered, my voice too rough and filled with emotions as I kept thrusting my hips into nothing. 

She reached out and grabbed my hand that held the vibrator, but she did nothing but hold it as she kept looking into my eyes, into my very soul, and saw all of it: the fear, the love, the panic, and helplessness. I couldn't hide any of that if my life depended on it. 

She saw it all, really saw it, and she understood. Fucking hell, she understood.

“I know,” she whispered, her voice choked up. “I know, and I feel the same way, baby. I swear, I feel the damn same way.”

I threw the vibrator aside and didn't care where it landed. I grabbed my woman by the waist, dragging her closer to me, and impaled her on my dick with one thrust.

“Ahhh!” she screamed as I was balls deep in her. 

I dragged her even closer, making her sit on my lap, and penetrating her even deeper. My arms were tight around her, my hips moving faster and deeper as I made love to her.

“We’ll be fine,” I whispered, eyes fixed on hers, and neither of us blinked.

“But will we?” she whispered back as she moved her hips. 

“We will. This fear, the panic, I won't call it normal, but what I can call it is hope.” She moaned softly as I hit that spot over and over again, a deep groan vibrating in my chest. “Since we both feel this way, then there’s hope that we’ll do everything in our power to make this work. We’ll do everything in our power to make sure our fears don't come to pass.”

I drew her into my arms, holding her tightly to me as I moved my hips, her moans filling my ears. I shut my eyes as my orgasm slammed into me, triggering hers, and we both moaned our names. I squeezed my eyes as those words that had suffocated me for days and cut off my airflow bled out of my lips, hesitant and fearful, but so true. 

“I love you, Siri.”