Her Secret

JACKSON

“Siri…”

“I’m okay,” she said quickly as we entered our suite, still not looking at me. “I-I’m okay.”

“You’re shaking, darling,” I whispered, my chest tight as I watched her try to act like those words hadn't affected her. 

They sure as hell affected me. It took everything in me not to force those doors open and make Ethan swallow his tongue. But I had to stand still when I saw her flinch. I had to be there for my girl because I already knew what kind of thoughts were racing through her beautiful head.

“I’m just cold,” she said as she took off her coat, her fingers trembling as she clenched them into a fist. “I’m really okay. I’ll just take a hot bath.”

I watched as she dragged herself towards the bathroom, aching to reach for her, but I didn't know if she'd want that. I didn't know whether she needed my touch. So I just stood still, hoping she would reach out for me if she needed me. 

But then she got to the bathroom door and stopped with her hand hovering over the doorknob. 

She didn't turn to me as she whispered, “He’s right, you know. You can do that better.” 

Every muscle in my body sprang tight, a bell going off in my head as my vision began to blur with rage. Not rage at her—never—but that fucking bastard I wanted to break every single bone in his damn body.

I shook my head. “No, Siri. Fucking no. I am not going to stand here and hear that bullshit. I’m not going to stand here and watch you start that bullshit.”

Her shoulders stiffened, and she still didn't look at me. “But is it really bullshit? I’m just saying what everybody thinks.”

“And who the fuck is everybody?!” I yelled, and she flinched. “Huh? Fucking tell me, Siri! Bloody Ethan? That fucker who judges everything that moves and breathes? Is that the fucker you’re letting his judgment come between us?” 

She turned slowly to me, and my anger melted away just as suddenly as it came when I saw the soft look in her eyes. 

“I’m not letting anything come between us, Jackson. I’m just saying. And you saw his reaction. That is how your teammates will react. It might affect the team, Jackson.”

“A team where something like this affects how we play is not a team I should be playing with. It’s not a team that deserves me.”

“But–” 

Three strides and I was close to her, grabbing her face with both hands and looking deep into her eyes. 

“There’s no better than you, Siri,” I whispered, my voice breaking, and she inhaled a shaky breath. “There will never be anyone better than you. You complete me in a way I have never been completed before. You fill me with so much happiness, Siri.” I stroked her cheekbones with my thumbs, my throat unbearably tight, and I had to force my next words out. “What can I do to make you believe me? W-what can I do to ease your worries and make you see my feelings for what they are? Tell me. Please, tell me and I will–”

“Shh,” she whispered as she cupped my face as well, her eyes glassy with tears. She smiled softly, sweetly. “You don’t need to do anything. I believe you. I believe every single word. I’m…” She released a breath, her shoulders tight, her eyes dropping. “I’m sorry, boo. I just… It’ll take some time getting used to this. To stop letting bastards’ words affect me.”

“And I'll be here with you. Every second of the way. I will be here to remind you of how much you mean to me. To remind you of how beautiful you are. I will drill those damn words into your head if it comes to that.”

She scoffed softly. “Careful so you don’t split my skull open.” 

~.~

“What the fuck, man?!” Ethan yelled as I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him into the wall.

I pinned him down with my elbow on his throat, every muscle in my body tight and vibrating with rage. 

“I should break every tooth in your mouth and feed them to you,” I growled, my elbow digging into his throat, and he winced. 

Mason placed a hand on my arm, but I didn't look away from the bastard. Not for Mason, and not for my team’s eyes on me; all of them wound tight with tension, dreading my next move.

“He’s not worth it, Jackson,” Mason said.

“Damn right he’s not,” I snarled. I leaned into his face, pinning him harder when he kept fighting. “Breathe a word of what you saw to anybody, and I will ruin your fucking life.”

He still managed to smirk even when his eyes were bright with anger, his body shaking with it. He still managed to look cocky. “So you know, don’t you? You know she’s not worth it; that’s why you want to keep her as a dirty little secret.”

I raised my hand, my fist already clenched and ready to rain down hell on this bloody idiot, but then I remembered what happened the last time I got into a fight, how she had completely ignored my existence for five whole days. I didn't want to go through that hell again. I didn't want to… disappoint her. So I lowered my hand, even as my fist shook, my jaw tight.

I leaned in closer so only he could hear me. “If I could stand on the roof of a building and scream for that bloody town to hear that I was in love with Siri, I would fucking scream until my voice was gone. I would broadcast to the fucking world, so bastards like you would know I belong to her.” 

My elbow dug deeper into his throat, right into his lungs, and his smile dropped, his eyes widening with fear, and he struggled more, but I didn't let up.

I know she would hate this. I know I would never, ever let her see me like this. Let her know that I enjoyed that look of fear in his eyes. Let her see that maybe I was more like my father than I would ever admit. That I enjoyed the helplessness and fear of those beneath me. The same way my father had thrived on it. I will fucking cut my tongue off before I ever admit to anybody that maybe my father was right, and every time I looked in the mirror, he was staring right back at me. 

“You won’t breathe a word of this to any soul, Ethan.” 

For her sake. Until she was ready to stop hiding; until then, this secret was hers, and no bastard was going to force her to face it before she was ready. 

“If you do, consider your life ruined. And I am a man of my word, Ethan.”