I Saw Red

JACKSON

Will she pull back if I close this tiny space between our fingers and interlock them? Knowing Siri, she would. She would glare at me, give a sharp remark, pick up her bag, and leave with a faint blush on her cheeks. I didn't want her to leave so soon. This moment right here was what I always looked forward to. A moment where it was just us two, even though countless students were walking by.

I saw, felt, and smelled no one else but her. Her scent always found a way to tease me, and I've become addicted to that teasing. I wanted nothing but to dig my nose into her hair and inhale until I was about to pass out. 

She stared down at her book, and I could tell she wasn't reading. 

I was jealous of the bloody book. I needed those honey-brown eyes on me, and only me, not on some words written on paper who didn't know how blessed they were to hold the intensity of her eyes.

I was a man losing his mind; I know this, and yet damnation has never felt so good. 

“In case you haven't noticed, I'm being treated like an outcast here. A weirdo, if you will.” 

“Yes, darling. I have.”

Her fingers twitched on that book, and that bright pink made its wonderful appearance on her cheeks. I wanted her to look at me, but her book was more interesting than my face.

“Mind telling me why?” I pushed when she fell silent.

She cleared her throat. “Well, for starters, I'm three times the size of what society considers normal.”

I scoffed harshly. “That is bloody ridiculous. Everybody can’t look the same. And you’re not the only plus-sized girl on campus. I’ve seen others, and they’re not treated this way.”

She gripped the book harder. “The difference between those girls and me is that they have a different father. Being Marshall James' daughter follows me everywhere like a curse. People don't trust me because they know what my father does. Anyone who tries to befriend me always ends up being bullied. There was a girl, Emily, sweet and innocent. She wanted us to be friends, so I accepted. She was bullied because of that. Her innocent mind couldn't take it, so she left the school. She left the fucking town all because she wanted to be friends with me.” 

Finally–oh, Lord, finally–she raised her head, and her eyes met mine. It felt like a jolt went through my brain, and I had to fight to keep my face straight.

“So you see why you can't be seen with me. You’ll be branded, too.” 

My finger itched dangerously close to hers, not touching, just brushing against it. 

“Then I'll be an outcast.”

She scoffed, shaking her head. “Yeah, sure. There’s no way that Jackson M'Call, hockey captain, campus obsession, surrounded by people everywhere he goes, will be an outcast.”

I didn't laugh it off as a joke the way I could see she wanted me to. I shifted closer, just a tiny bit closer so I could feel that heat of hers. My eyes never dropped from hers. 

“If being branded as an outcast lets me sit here with you every afternoon for a few minutes, then an outcast is what I will be, Siri.”

Her eyes burned into mine, and in them, I saw hesitation to believe those words. People passed, and they definitely stared, some not even bothering to hide it, and yet, those eyes were all I could see. 

She opened her mouth, but I cut her off before she could say a word.

“Are you going to call it bullshit? A joke? Spit the words back into my face?”

She scoffed as she looked away, and my chest tightened with disappointment. “Now, you’re being petty.” But then she glanced at me with a side-eye. “You didn't ask me about what my father does for people not to trust him.”

“You’re not daft, Siri. Surely by now you’ve realized I know.”

She hummed. “Did you know before or after the wedding?”

My jaw tightened. “Before.”

“So why let her marry him?”

“Because she bloody well wouldn't listen to me. She wanted to leave England so badly that she’d just marry whoever.”

She raised an eyebrow, and for the first time, I saw confusion in her gaze. “Why not just move here without getting married?”

This time, I was the one who looked away. “It’s… complicated." 

She was silent for a while. “So she knows who he is, then?”

“Yes.”

She shocked me when she scoffed. I looked at her and saw her shake her head. “Well, this is a first. I guess the result might be different this time.”

“Oh, it bloody well will be. I’m not standing by and watching my mother get hurt again.”

“Again…” she muttered, but she didn't press, didn't ask. She just went back to staring at her book. 

I wish I had her equanimity, but unfortunately I had to ask. 

“With all the money he makes scamming people, why are you still working?”

She shut her book suddenly, shoved it into her bag, and stood up. As she walked away, I thought she wouldn't answer, but then… “Because he’s a selfish bastard who cares for no one but himself.” 

I watched as she left, wishing I had kept my mouth shut. She would have left soon anyway, but we would have had a few more minutes together. I looked down at where she had sat, my hand reaching out slowly and pressing into the spot. 

It was warm. Will she be this warm if I touched her? 

~.~

“Hey, Cap, I heard you’ve been hanging around that weirdo,” Isaac, one of my teammates, said that day in the locker room, dropping his arm around my shoulders like it was the most normal thing to do. 

Sure, since my first game, I'd gotten closer to my team, and they eventually got used to my temper, but there was still some unseen line between us. An unseen line I had to draw for moments like this.

I stared at his arms on my shoulders before I dragged my eyes back to his. “Come again?”

The stupid git kept running his mouth, the only one thick enough not to notice the change in my mood.

 “You know, that fat weirdo!” Something stirred under my skin. “Siri, was it?” He scoffed, his arm still on my bloody shoulders. “What a dumb name. After what happened with Michael, you would think–”

I saw red.

I didn't wait long enough to hear more of his bullshit. My fist flew and landed on his nose. His scream filled my ears as his nose broke.