Utterly Pathetic

The shift from wanting to rip off the blindfold to not wanting to take it off at all was a bit annoying. 

Why? Because this was pathetic. I was pathetic. 

I hadn't been in her mouth for two minutes, and I came, grunting like a man about to meet his end as I thrust into her mouth with a weak move of my hips, hitting the back of her throat over and over again, and still she took me. She swallowed around me, still rubbing my balls, and I went from grunting like an animal to moaning her name like a prayer.

“Siri…” I breathed as my grip on her hair tightened, and she just moaned. “Baby, fuck… Yes, Siri!” 

It went on and on, my balls being emptied, and still she managed to drag something out of me. 

I never thought a day would come when I, Jackson M’Call, would think an orgasm was too much. But right now, this was just too much. 

My body started to tremble when she kept sucking me and rubbing my balls between her fingers. I grew lightheaded, stars dancing in the darkness, and my voice became so rough it was nearly a growl.

“Fuck, Siri… Baby, please stop. I… I can't take it anymore.”

The third thing that went wrong was like a slap to my face. A slap that left me shaken. 

I realized, with fear in my heart and every bone, that I was in love. With my dick jerking and pulsing in Siri’s mouth, with my balls thick in her grip, I realized that I was in love. Utterly, pathetically in love with a woman who doesn't want to be seen with me in public. 

I would never give up control to another woman if she pointed a gun at my balls the way I have completely surrendered to Siri. In the past, I would not have let any woman blindfold me and hold so much control over me. 

I remembered my mother’s words about how love was bittersweet, and I realized with a heavy beat in my heart that I'd felt the bitter and I’d felt the sweet. 

I realized that this… this was… this was rock bottom. I couldn't go any lower than this. 

She still carries the scar given to her by another man. She was still scared and afraid to open her heart and let someone new in, and meanwhile, Jackson, the absolute fool that I am, was in love. 

If I could laugh, I would be trembling in laughter right now, but this woman seemed to have plans to kill me because she was still sucking my dick like she wanted to pull it clean out of my pelvis. 

I didn't know where the strength came from as I placed my hands under her arms, and then raised her so she was on top of me. I grunted when I felt her naked body against mine, her core resting on my spent dick, and the bastard had the nerve to jerk when it felt her wetness against it.

With one hand, I tugged her bra off, and the sight that met my eyes when it adjusted to the dim light was, simply put, my downfall. 

Siri was staring right into my eyes, her eyes hooded and dark. In those honey-brown eyes, I saw… everything. I saw lust, passion; I saw the hesitation still, but I also saw relief. And I saw… adoration. 

She stared at me in a way I haven't seen her stare at me before: like I was all she could see, like I was all that filled her world. And that… that look was the last nail in the coffin, and that was the moment all of me became hers.

“Jackson…” she whispered, her eyes dropping to my lips. Her hair was still in her braid, but a few strands had escaped, falling into her face and framing it, making her look like a siren sent to ruin me, and she had succeeded. There were streaks of semen on her jaw and chin, her naked body still on mine, glistening with sweat. “Jackson, that was so sexy. You… you were so so sexy.”

She leaned forward, and that movement made her shift on top of me, rubbing her core on my dick, and my breath hitched. She grabbed the back of my neck, lowering my head so she could kiss me. Both our eyes were still open as her lips moved slowly against mine, her tongue entering my mouth and curling around mine. I tasted myself on her, and that felt more intimate than when she had my dick deep in her throat.

I didn't return the kiss; I didn't look away from her eyes. She didn't mind. She actually smiled as she pulled back.

“Have I managed to rock your world so hard that your voice has failed you?” she asked with a teasing tone in her voice.

“Yes,” I answered with a grunt, my voice too deep and serious. “Yes, you have, Siri.”

She smiled so sweetly; my heart felt like it was about to explode in my chest. “That was the goal.” 

I looked into those eyes, my throat tight. 

I was in love. I was already madly in love, and I was scared. Scared because I could almost see the future, and I saw a whole hell of a lot of pain in it. 

She wanted us to be a secret, and if it were just to our parents, I would understand. I would wait until this marriage fell apart, and then I would introduce her to my mother as the woman who has swept me off my feet so hard I didn't want to get up.

But everybody else? People at that fucked up college, and an even more fucked up town? I couldn't understand that. And I know, damn it, that things were only about to get more ugly, and that argument we had yesterday would be nothing compared to the ones coming.

I hated it. I hated this feeling so much; this fear and helplessness.

Siri finally saw something in my eyes, and her expression fell, turning serious. She grabbed my face with one hand, and just that small touch, but I felt a hunger in my chest.

“Jackson? Are… are you okay?”

I stared into her eyes, at that look that said she was already blaming herself, thinking she had done something wrong. 

So I forced a smile as I took her hand, still on my face, and placed a soft kiss on her wrist. “I’m okay, darling. I just…” I scoffed. “That was one hell of an orgasm. Were you planning to suck my soul out?”

She laughed softly, her eyes so bright and warm it almost felt painful looking into them. “Yeah, something like that.”

I leaned down and kissed her just because I couldn't help it, hoping she didn't notice the way I shook. 

I was in love. 

Fuck me.