Spiral

SOPHIA’S POV

Breakfast at the cabin was super awkward. I barely touched my toast because my head was pounding for real but I played it up big time.

Halfway through I pressed my fingers to my temples and groaned. “Guys… I think I have a migraine coming on. Like bad, can we just head back early? Please?”

Darcy pouted right away, sticking out her bottom lip like a little kid. “But we were gonna go on that hike today! And make pancakes tomorrow…” 

She looked at me all worried though when she saw how pale I was. My hands were shaky too. “Okay babe. If you feel that bad we can go, I don’t want you hurting.”

Emily didn’t say anything, she just started packing her stuff quietly. Eric nodded. “We’ll leave in thirty. Finish eating if you can.” 

His voice was low and normal, but when he looked at me across the table his eyes stayed a second too long and I looked away fast.

The drive back was torture, Eric drove the whole way and the radio was on low, playing some old rock songs I didn’t know. I sat in the back with Darcy. She leaned her head on my shoulder right away and laced our fingers together. 

But every time the car hit a bump or turned, Eric’s eyes flicked up to the rearview mirror to find mine. He held my eyes for a split second and my stomach flipped hard each time, like butterflies but the guilty kind. 

We dropped Emily off at her hotel first. Quick hugs in the parking lot and Darcy cried a little. “I hate goodbyes Mom.” 

Emily hugged her extra tight then turned to me, her hug short. “Feel better Sophia.” 

Back at the dorm Darcy dragged me straight to our bunk the second we walked in. Bags dropped on the floor. 

She kicked off her shoes and pulled me down with her. “I missed this bed so much and you… mostly you.” 

She kissed my cheek, then my neck. Soft little kisses that turned into longer ones, then her hands slid under my hoodie trying to push it up. I let her kiss me for a minute but kept my clothes on. “I’m gross from the car. Shower first okay?”

She pouted but nodded. “Hurry back.”

I stood under the hot water forever and let it burn my skin pink as I tried to scrub away the dock. The boathouse, Eric’s hands, his mouth, his groans and the way he had said my name when he came. 

When I came out wrapped in a towel Darcy was already in my bed wearing one of my hoodies, looking small and hopeful, her hair still messy from the drive. “Come here,” she said softly.

I climbed in but turned my back to her and I pretended like I was super tired. She spooned me anyway, face tucked against my neck. “I love you more every day,” she whispered. “Like… so much it scares me sometimes.”

I didn’t answer, just stared at the wall until her breathing evened out. Sleep took forever to come for me.

*******

Monday morning econ class felt like walking into a trap. I picked the back corner seat as Eric walked in looking wrecked. 

He started lecturing on consumer behavior but kept messing up and pausing mid-sentence, his drifting to me every few minutes. 

My heart was racing so loud I thought everyone could hear it. He cleared his throat finally and kept going. I doodled in my notebook the rest of the time. 

Class ended and I packed slowly on purpose so that everyone would leave first. Eric walked past my desk, but he didn’t say anything nor did he drop a note, he just rushed the back of my hand with his fingers.

Darcy skipped her art class that afternoon because she said that she wanted to surprise me. She showed up with takeout… Chinese from that place we love.

We sat on the floor eating out of the boxes watching dumb TikToks on her phone. She kept scooting closer until she was basically in my lap, her legs over mine.

“I keep thinking about our future, you know?” She said between bites of noodles. “Like us living together after graduation, a tiny apartment and plants everywhere. You are doing your econ stuff, me painting and we come home to each other every day.”

She kissed me slowly, hands sliding under my shirt, fingers tracing my ribs. Goosebumps everywhere. I kissed back but when she tried to pull my shirt off I caught her wrists. “Not now. I’m still wiped from the trip.”

Her face fell. “You’ve said that every time lately.” She looked down. “Do you… not want me anymore?”

My chest hurts. “I do. I’m just… in my head. Promise.”

She nodded slowly and we ended up making out heavy on the bed anyway. Her grinding against my thigh, soft moans in my ear with her hands everywhere. I let it go farther than usual, guilt pushing me to give her something.

But when she reached for my jeans I stopped her again. “Tomorrow maybe... I’m sorry.”

Darcy sighed, curling up against my chest instead. “Okay, I love you.”

I stared at the ceiling feeling like the worst person alive.

Later that evening Darcy had a quick study group thing. She kissed me goodbye and left. I was alone for the first time since the cabin so I laid on my bed staring at the ceiling. 

Replaying everything from Eric’s eyes in class, to that brush of fingers, my body heated up without asking permission, making me slip my hand down my shorts slowly. 

I touched myself thinking of him. Imagined his mouth instead of my fingers. Circles around my clit. Slow at first then faster. Thought about his tongue. 

How he groaned against my skin. Hips lifted off the bed. I bit my pillow hard to stay quiet and came hard with his name on my lips. Tears slipped out right after.

Guilt crashed in like a wave and I curled into a ball crying quietly until my chest hurt. I felt tired and eventually drifted off.

I woke up at 3 a.m. Phone lighting up the dark with a text from Eric.

‘Can’t stop thinking about you. Meet me tomorrow after class? Empty lecture hall B12. I need to see you.’

I stared at the words, my thumbs hovering over replies, my heart pounding so hard it hurt. I didn’t answer, I just locked the screen and shoved the phone under my pillow but I knew that I had to go.