Duty Against Instinct

KAEL

Lilian was taught how to be the perfect Luna while I trained to be the perfect Alpha.

We spent most of our time together. Laughing, sneaking out and getting into trouble. Everyone believed we were destined to rule side by side, so no one questioned our closeness, or blinked when we started spending nights together. It was expected, and even encouraged. A natural progression of two lives already entwined.

We explored, experimented and tried to make it feel like the kind of love everyone dreamed about. But no matter how hard I tried, I could feel that something was missing, I couldn’t name or explain the hollowness that always lingered. But it always sat inside my heart like a shadow no light could touch. And the closer we got to coronation day, the more impossible it became to ignore. That quiet ache only grew wide and I believe Lilian could feel it too, only we never spoke about it.

I never let it show, and played the part of the strong, steady Alpha. Because Lilian was all in. Her heart was already mine, and I can’t bring myself to shatter it.

She must’ve sensed my turmoil and thought a little skinship would pull me out of it. Maybe she figured if she stayed close enough, it would snap me out of the black mood I was in.

But it didn’t, if anything, it made things worse. Every soft word, every brush of her fingers against my skin just fueled the storm brewing inside me. I’ve never raised my voice at her before, but this week, I snapped, more than twice.

The worst part was seeing the hurt in her eyes, and still, not feeling the least but sorry about it.

I want to be the calm, level-headed guy she’s always known. I want to be the Alpha she believes in. But right now, I’m not sure who I am anymore. My thoughts are all tangled and chaotic, and I don’t know how to unravel them.

If this is what it feels like to sense your mate, then what would happen if I actually got in direct contact with them? Would everything snap into place or fall apart? And most importantly, how does one cut off something this strong?

Maybe those stories weren't so exaggerated after all. I used to think they were overhyped, that they romanticized something primal. I never doubted them outright, I just had reservations. But now that I'm caught in it, I feel trapped and I can't even talk to anyone, no one would understand. I needed someone who had experienced something similar but sadly grandpa died last summer so I had no one else to ask. I don't know who to trust with something like this.

I would call Lilian to apologize for being a jerk. Maybe if we spend some more time together, just her and me, I can drown out whatever this is and move on. Do what I’m supposed to do.

But damn, I didn’t even touch my mate or see what they look like. So why do I feel like this?

"Are you even listening?" My dad's voice cut through the fog in my head like a knife. It sounded muffled, like he was speaking through a tunnel. I blinked back to reality to find several pairs of eyes staring directly at me.

Wait, was he talking to me?

"Huh?" I managed, trying to play it cool.

I flicked a glance at Mike, who looked like he hadn't slept in two days. His eyes were bloodshot and glassy, and his collar was twisted like he’d wrestled a raccoon before showing up.

'What’s going on?' I asked through the open mind link, keeping my face blank.

Before Mike could respond, my dad’s voice sharpened. "There is no need to have private conversations when we are all present."

Seriously?

How was I supposed to answer him when I didn’t even know what he was asking?

"Then I agree. Let’s do it that way." I said aloud, hoping I hit the right answer. Judging by their expressions, I didn’t.

Now they were really staring, like I’d just announced I planned to run away.

I sent a sharp ping back through the link. 'What?' I barked at both Mike and Josh, frustration rising. Somebody better start explaining before I lose my mind.

'Err… Alpha wanted your takeover ceremony to happen on the next full moon,' Josh finally said through the mind link. The words hit me like cold water. My breath stilled.

I’ve dreamed of this day since I was ten. Trained, fought and endured more than most to prove I was worthy. But now that it was here, and this close, I feel nothing. No thrill or pride, instead there was a quiet dread crawling under my skin.

The full moon is only a two weeks away. My taking over ceremony was supposed to happen after my twenty first birthday, Which is a year from now, so why the sudden rush?

My chest tightened with unease. Was I ready?

“That settles things then,” my father grunted, then got up and left with his beta Daniel trailing behind him like a shadow.

They were always together, those two. Kind of like me and my beta and gamma too.

“Relax, why do you look so shocked, it’s not that bad,” Mike finally spoke, his voice lighter now that the room wasn’t filled with authority. I’m guessing he hadn’t been able to warn me earlier. Dad must’ve used the Alpha’s Command on him.

“Yeah and about time too. And I’m relieved you accepted without persuasion,” Josh added, dragging in a long breath like he just stepped out of a minefield. I stared at both of them.

“I don’t think I’m ready,” I admitted, quieter than I intended.

Their faces showed with concern. And that only made the weight in my chest heavier.

“What do you mean by that? We’ve been training our whole lives for this,” Josh said, his brows furrowed in disbelief.

“Kael, seriously… you have to be honest with us. What’s really going on with you?” Mike asked, concern threading his voice.

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. “I haven’t figured it out myself,” I admitted, in a low voice. If I went to town tomorrow would I see my mate at school? Maybe if I could just find and reject them properly, maybe I would feel some peace, or some clarity at least.

“Well, you better figure it out fast,” Mike warned. “The Alpha’s not exactly thrilled with the way you’ve been acting lately.”

“And I still don’t get why we have to go all the way back to the human school again,” Josh muttered, clearly still annoyed. “We could just transfer to the pack academy like everyone else, we would probably be graduates by now,”

I wasn’t listening anymore.

If I can’t find them tomorrow, whoever they are, then I will take it as a sign for me to let it go. Until then, I would see things through.

NEXT DAY

Mike, Josh, and I got ready for school and climbed into the SUV. I hadn’t said much since the meeting yesterday too wrapped up in my thoughts for casual conversation. At this point, they knew better than to bother me when I was like this. Mike took the wheel, Josh riding shotgun and throwing out the usual small talk, but I barely registered any of it. My mind was fixed on one thing, my reason for going back to that place.

I had spent the last couple of days in regret for turning away the other that day. I shouldn’t have. Blade hasn’t let me forget it either, he snaps at me in the back of my mind, feeling both restless and angry.

Today would be the last time I stepped foot in that school. If I couldn’t find them today, then that would be it. I’d let the longing die quietly and follow the path already carved out for me.

When the car finally rolled to a stop in front of the building, I made up my mind. They needed to know. Whatever happened today, I couldn’t do it without their full support.

“I think my mate is here,” I said quietly.

Silence fell instantly. Whatever nonsense they had been arguing about evaporated. Josh turned sharply in his seat to stare at me.

“What did you just say?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. The panic in his eyes is unmistakable.

“What do you plan to do?” Mike asked, his tone steadier now, calmer. But the truth was, I didn’t have an answer myself. Was I really prepared to reject my mate? Or was I willing to risk everything I had built just to accept them?

“I honestly don’t know,” I admitted with a sigh, and for the first time in a while, a bit of the pressure eased off my chest just saying it aloud.

“Damn,” Josh muttered after letting out a low whistle. “I didn’t even think fated mates were actually real.”

“Tell me about it,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Have you told the Alpha or anyone yet?” Mike asked, more serious now.

Josh, on the other hand, was buzzing with curiosity. “How do you feel, what does she looks like?”

“No, I haven’t told my dad, for now just you two,” I replied, shaking my head. “And I haven’t seen them face-to-face.”

“Then how do you know your mate is here?” Mike asked.

“Because…” I hesitated, then exhaled. “Because I can feel this incredible pull. It’s insane, and Blade hadn't shut about it either so I know they’re close.”

“Oh, so that’s what was going on last time?” Mike said after a moment. “Why didn’t you just say something?”

“I was confused too,” I admitted. “I didn’t know what to make of it.”

“Wait, so… what about Lillian?” Josh asked, clearly skeptical.

I straightened a little, my tone defensive. “I never said I was going to accept my mate.”

“So we’re here… so you can reject her?” Mike asked slowly.

“Yeah…” I said, hesitating. “You could say that.”

After today, I’ll be too busy to indulge in the luxury of uncertainty. The coronation is near. The responsibilities waiting for me are too great to carry with divided focus. I will become alpha. And I plan to do it well. Even if part of me gets left behind.

The moment we stepped out of the car, I could feel the instant change in the air.

Blade surged forward in my mind, restless and ecstatic. His growl of excitement rang clear: They’re here.

After all this torment, I will finally get to see what they look like and deal with everything head on. In truth, it felt like I am about to go into a battle of uncertainty.

I inhaled sharply. The scent of freshly brewed coffee and sweet orange hit me like a wave of heat. Rich, warm, familiar. Just as intoxicating and surreal as the first time.

The school grounds were still trickling with students arriving, so it wasn’t hard to trace it. I moved quickly, Blade already sharpening my senses, guiding me toward the source. The guys flanked me silently, sensing my urgency.

The scent led us behind the annex building, where the school’s older block cast a long shadow over the open field. My heart skipped a beat. It was getting harder to focus, the smell was stronger here, but now it was laced with others, almost like it was being drowned out.

And that’s when I saw them.

A cluster of girls had cornered someone near the back wall. One of them had a tight grip on the figure’s hoodie, trying to yank it down, taunting them. The tension in the air was thick, almost suffocating. But I didn’t need to see a face to know.

Even from a distance, my entire being recognized them.

My mate.

"I thought we are looking for someone, this has nothing to do with us,” Josh muttered beside me.

“You’re wrong,” I said, a slow smile creeping across my face. “It has everything to do with me.”

His eyes widened, but I didn’t explain. I didn’t need to, because realization dawned on him instantly.