Not the first awakening

I woke up sweating bullets as my heart raced painfully in fear. I just couldn't understand what had just happened or why that just happened.  I didn't want to think much about it and go back to sleep but that was extremely difficult. As I closed my eyes all I could see were those hunting images from the dream I had and thinking about it just made my headache start. I wanted to lift my hand to massage my head but I was still immobile. I could feel my hands but I needed to put in a lot of effort to move a finger and those constant movements were making my headache emerge from bad to worse. My heart beat which was in unison with the annoying beeping from the machine were the only sounds that accompanied me in the silent dim room. It was terrifying and plus the room seemed to get closer and closer and every sound in the room including the tiniest sound of water dripping from that sink along with that beeping seemed to get louder. My head was heavy and full of something, maybe blood. I felt like I was getting choked with the current state of the atmosphere surrounding me. I was breathing really hard and my entire being was nothing but a mess. Fortunately for me a nurse came in and turned on the lights which dispelled my fear along with the darkness.

TWO WEEKS LATER

After that night, I did not have another nightmare there at the hospital. I always slept peacefully like a baby and also my body became more responsive thanks to the rehabilitation, the physiotherapists are very lively, friendly and youthful. I guess most of them are student doctors. Actually student doctors are always all over the hospital with their back packs and immaculate white lab coats. With all that, I could tell surely that I was in a teaching hospital, probably in Enugu state since that's where we live. They made coming to their clinical department fun for me. I had people to talk to over there and they were able to make me laugh whilst awakening my muscles and bones for their two yearlong slumber.

I can't walk yet but my family and the doctors are very hopeful seeing my improvements. Today I have an appointment with the psychiatrist. Deep within me I know that my mental health is perfectly fine. Yes, I am no doctor but I know that I am very fine mentally. I just need the doctor to agree with me and my body to heal so I can finally leave this hospital, see my best friends, Afam and Lolade and start my senior year in secondary school. I'm so proud that I can remember that and that is just to show how perfectly fine my brain is.

"How have you been feeling?" The doctor in front of me asks. He must be in his fifties and he looked fit probably because he is well maintained and he must be the psychiatrist.

"I am doing very well. Thank you for asking." Although it’s faked, I gave him one of my brightest smiles as I really wouldn't want to look insane in front of a doctor for crazy people or do I with this creepily bright smile? I don't want anyone thinking I am crazy and besides that lady doctor could have done this checkup herself. Is it necessary to have an expert psychiatrist do the examination himself? I am relieved because my parents are sitting here beside me with my siblings standing behind them. Their gazes focused on me make me feel secured.

"What is your name?" Why wouldn't I know that?

"Emenike Chizaram Gabrielle Marie" He nods seemingly satisfied with my response. Like duh. Why would I forget my name?

"How old are you?" he asks. That’s easy.

"I should be fifteen years old" A quick frown settles on his face but disappears almost immediately. He nods and he asks me to tell him things I know about myself as he keeps writing down something on the papers in his hand. Here we go-

“Okay- uh- I live in Enugu with my parents and siblings" Though how old they all look still surprise me.

"I am a student of Royal Fountain Academy Enugu, Nigeria. I have two best friends Lolade and Afam" Afam who I still have a slight crush on. It’s been three years. Would they still remember me or have they forgotten and erased me from their lives? I really need to leave this hospital but what I may find in the world outside frightens me.

"I am quite sure that I should be in my second senior year if not for the fact that I was in a coma." Yeah. Now tell my parents that I'm fine. He tilts his head to the side to look at my parents and my eyes follow his movements. They all had a sad, shocked look on their face and the reason for that i don't know. My mom has her hand covering her mouth; I can tell that she is getting emotional but why?

"Chizaram-" My dad decides to speak first” You are turning eighteen this year, you have already graduated from secondary school-" What is dad saying? I do not remember any of that!

“Don’t force it-" The doctor says but I am not in the mood to listen to whatever he is saying. I am sure my shocked expression says it all; I have no memory of all he is talking about. Graduated? When? How? And who was there?

"This is actually an improvement from the first time you woke up-" I can't ignore those words from the doctor. 'First time you woke up' Isn't this the first time? I can feel my face twisting in confusion.

“This isn't the first time you've awaken. It was a month ago and you couldn't remember anything or anyone. Compared to then, what we have now is an improvement" I raised my head to look at the doctor and then I turned to my parents. What the hell is he saying? I really want to cry because the truth is dawning mercilessly on me with a very heavy feeling. These past few days, I keep telling myself that I can continue, even though I have lost two years I can still carry on but with this new discovery, I really don't know if I can go on. Not only have I lost two years of my life thanks to coma, I have also lost three years of memory. I don't know where to begin and the fear I thought had once left me has now come back with full haunting force. I have made myself believe that a pause button was pushed on my life and now I can remove that pause and pick up from where I stopped but how is that possible now?