II- Qualms

The morning breeze blew the curtains to and fro, making Najmah shiver as she descended the stairs. She placed a hand on her bare arm, making a beeline to the kitchen. Her eyes were a little bit unfocused as she hadn't slept a wink the night before, her mind too occupied and restless to let her be.

If only Fahad hadn't gotten himself into trouble, she wouldn't have been in that situation, she thought solemnly. She spent the whole night trying to figure out what made him do what he did but couldn’t come up with any possible reason. His family was well off so why would he get himself caught up in such an illegal act?

Something wasn’t adding up she thought as she entered the kitchen, heading towards the coffee brewer. The Fahad she knew wouldn’t have done what he was accused of but perhaps, she could be wrong. After all, she didn’t know him that much but he never gave her any reason to suspect that he was partaking in illegal activities. She sat down on the kitchen island, twirling the spoon in her cup, unable to bring herself to take a sip. The clattering of plates startled her, and she let out an inaudible sigh when she saw Hanifa, her brother's wife.

"Good morning Addah Hanifa," she greeted taking a sip of the now warm coffee.

"Good morning Najmah," the lady replied with enthusiasm that was strange for a person who just woke up especially Hanifa who wasn't a morning person.

"Why are you so happy Addah Hanifa? Did you win the lottery?" her brows rose in question as she regarded said lady with scruitiny.

"This is far better than winning a lottery Najmah. I'm just so happy because...″ she trailed off, placing her hand on her belly a smile breaking off on her face, her eyes twinkling with happiness.

"You're pregnant!" Najmah blurted as realization dawned on her and for a moment, she was able to forget her predicament and race towards Hanifa, throwing her arms over her in congratulations.

"Thank you Star!" she responded, hugging Najmah back.

"Does Yaa Umar know?" Najmah queried, settling back on the island.

"No," she shook her head in response, heading towards the coffee brewer. "I found out yesterday."

"How are you holding up? I'm so sorry," she stared at her sister in law sympathetically.

"To be honest, I don't know. Yesterday if anyone told me I wasn’t gonna marry Fahad, I would've told that person that he was a liar and yet, here we are..." she trailed off, not knowing how to express her feelings. "What if he doesn't accept me Addah? You know how hard it is for me to form relations, what if he shuns me away?"

"Everything’s going to be alright in shaa Allah*, you'll see. Have faith in The Almighty, He joined you both in matrimony and by His Grace, He'll join your hearts as one."

"What if... "

"There's no what if Najmah, you're a star, our star and in shaa Allah, you'll be the star that'll shine in your husband's house and heart. You just need a little bit of work and a bit of adjustment before you both understand each other but in shaa Allah, you will get there. He will see what a unique and amazing person you are once he gets to know you and mark my words, he won't be able to help himself, he will fall hard for you."

Despite her insecurities and troubles, Najmah threw her head back and laughed heartily, grateful for having her brother's wife in her life. She always knew when to pick her up when she fell and when to tell her 'I told you so' when she was stubborn, a best friend and a sister-in-law wrapped in one package.

{••}

The sun had set and Najmah was sitting in her favorite place at the garden, reading a book. Too absorbed in her reading, she didn't realize when her mother sat beside her till she took the book out of her hand.

"Ummita!" she gasped, placing her hands on her chest. "You scared me."

"How are you doing my child?" Haj.Salmah placed her hand on her daughter's head comfortingly.

"I've been better," she shrugged, placing her head on her mother's lap, feeling odd but still unable to stop herself; she needed the comfort then more than ever.

"Najmah...there's something I have to tell you..." she trailed off, staring ahead. She felt pity for her youngest due to the turnout of her life but what could she do, it was qadr and there was nothing they could do to stop it.

"You're saying Ummita?" Najmah queried sitting upright, her heart starting to beat widely against her chest.

"It's uhm...uhm...your husband..." Haj. Salmah trailed off, unable to continue. It wasn’t often that she found herself speechless but the spontaneous change of things had her tongue-tied, she had wanted her husband to break the news to Najmah because apart from Hanifa, only he had the ability to break through to her.

"What about him Ummita?" she gulped, trying to keep her composure although all she wanted to do was break down right that moment. Had he called to divorce her finally realising what an outrageous idea it was to accept a marriage on the spot? Will she become a divorcee at the age of 22, dumped, married and then divorced within 48 hours?

"You know that Faik and his family do not stay here right? And uhm...he wants you to go to Turkey together with him."

"What are talking about? You mean I'm leaving Nigeria for a foreign country, to a stranger of a husband who might reject me the minute he sees me? Ummita this isn't fair," Najmah stated, staring ahead her face suddenly turning passive. She bit her tongue in other to refrain herself from screaming.

"It's your destiny Najmah and no one can escape his. In my heart, I know that Aslan will take good care of you.

"I want what's best for you Najmah, I know that this is a trial and in shaa Allah you'll pass this test. All I pray for you is a blessed union and may Allah azza wajjal unite the two of you."

Najmah couldn't bring herself to talk so she bobbed her head and stared into space. A lone tear escaped her eyes and quickly, she wiped it away so her mother wouldn't see but unfortunately, Haj. Salmah had caught her.

She engulfed her daughter into a hug, urging her to let out what she was hiding but being the person that she was, she sat stiff in her mother's embrace. Haj. Salmah released her from the hug, disappointment washing over her as she realised that her daughter had once again shut her out. She shouldn't have agreed to be the one to tell Najmah the latest news, her father should have.

{••}

Najmah stood at the door of her bedroom, taking in the sight of the now bare room. She walked further inside, running her hand over the makeshift bookshelf her brother had gifted her with a reminiscent smile, recalling the day he had brought it to her bedroom. She wandered over to the window and stared down at the garden, recalling all the times she had spent reading and painting while hiding away from her mother's strict gaze.

She had always known that a day would come when she would leave her beloved safe haven but leaving the country had never crossed her mind. She blinked away tears that were threatening to fall and moved away from the view, swallowing hard before sitting down at the edge of her bed which no longer felt like hers she thought bitterly as she skimmed her hand over the linen.

A loud blaring horn jolted her out of her thoughts and with one last lingering gaze, she jutted her chin upwards and strolled out into the compound where her parents were waiting to send her off.

Her steps faltered as her gaze met with her father's whose jaws were set in a hard line as he fought hard to keep his composure. If it were any day, she would have teased him about it but knowing that she was the reason behind that, she decided to let it go. After all, she wasn’t in the mood for any of that. With a deep sigh, she tried to pocket her hands in her jeans but failed as they fell down by her sides. She sighed again when she recalled her mother's stern warning about wearing jeans to meet her new family.

"Abba… " she uttered, resisting the urge to fling her arms over him knowing that she wouldn't be able to let go. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'm going to miss you more my star. Now go on ahead your new life awaits you," he whispered into her ear, wiping away her tears.

"Ummita... " she returned her mother's hug, breathing in her scent and committing it to her memory knowing full well it might be the last time she would see her. Haj. Salmah wasn’t particularly warm but all the same, she loved her mother dearly.

"You have to be strong Najmah, marriage isn't a bed of roses there are thorns in it. You have to be strong for anything that comes your way," she whispered into her ears, squeezing her shoulders.

"What if I disappoint you?"

"You won't, I have no qualms in how I raised you."

It took a lot of effort and willpower before Haj. Salmah was able to wrench away from her daughter. It pained to see her daughter in that condition but there was no going back, the deed had already been done, there was no use crying over spilled milk but still, there was pain in her heart.

Najmah hanged on to Hanifa, never in a million years did she think they'd be separated much more by a continent. How could she ever survive without having Hanifa by her side?

It took a lot of persuasion before Najmah went into the awaiting car, taking one last look at her home, wondering what sort of life awaits her in Turkey.

Would she get along with her new family, would she be able to relate with them? And her husband, would their relationship work considering her poor communication skills or lack thereof. She wondered how their marriage was going to work especially with her condition. Would he accept a person like her, or would he send her back? What if he expected a lot from her? What if he expected things from her which were beyond her comfort zone, would she be able to do it? Would she be able to crack out of her shell and become the loving wife she was expected to be?

'But all these depend on the kind of man he is.'

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