Chapter 6

CIANA

He is back wearing his blank expression when he guides me inside his house. The house is huge and luxurious with dominant white paint. It is two-storey and has a wide area outside with a swimming pool and a garden. I see three different luxurious cars and fountains too.

I feel like a walking trash between bundles of gold. My black shirt and black jeans are too simple for this place. I look at Airo’s back when he halts in front of his brother’s coffin. He is a lucky guy born in such a family but he seems like being left alone and is dead with emotions. But now, I can see he is not that dead inside his heart. He is wearing a mask, I presume.

I stand beside him and watch his brother who looks at peace. His face looks so similar with Airo but his hair has a lighter shade of brown and he has a mole on his neck. He also looks older and pale.

“Are you hungry?” I softly shake my head as a response.

“Do you want a drink instead?”

“I think it’s better.” He left me there so I decided to go sit on the couch. Before I could sit, I noticed an array of pictures neatly arranged above the fireplace. I walk close to it and see a picture of a family. The four members looked happy together with those genuine smiles plastered on their faces.

I touch on the surface right to the kid who I think is Airo. He can smile. I remove my hand and look at the next picture. The two look grown a bit but their mother is not there anymore. I couldn’t see the same smile they had from the first photo. They are indeed smiling here, but not that bright. The next pictures are two young men who lost their smiles growing up together.

“Ciana, I brought you your drink.” I move my head to his direction and suddenly feel a little pain in me. This man is hiding a lot of things in him. All by himself.

I walk to him and take the cup of tea he brought me.

“Thank you.” I look at him but he is looking somewhere else. I could tell it’s to the direction of the pictures.

“They all died of cancer, leukemia, it’s on the genes,” he utters and averts his eyes to somewhere else. He is tilting his angle from me but I manage to stop him by holding his right arm.

I softly pulled him to sit on the couch.

“I know we are not close, but I am ready to listen to you just how I approach you all sudden.” I put the cup on the glass center table.

“Why are you doing this?” 

“Because I want to,” I answered him automatically. “I know what it’s like to lose the last part of your family. I came here for a reason.”

Silence enveloped the place. Now, his eyes are fixed to the coffin. I started drinking the tea.

“I was able to stop him on his first attempt yesterday. He told me everything, he is sick and he wants to die. We both know the high probability of us to suffer the same fate our parents had. I did everything to convince him to make some more memories with me. I never left his side, so I could stop him from doing his next attempt. But the next morning he died without any chance to say goodbye. ” 

I want to tap his back but I can’t. My body is hesitating. I take my hand away.

He heaves a deep sigh and looks at me.

“Tell me, do I still have to go on and live? Maybe he is right, dying today or tomorrow, the next day, it’s the same death.” He is making me feel more pain in me. My heart is like being squeezed by some strong hand making my chest tighten.

“Yes. If you feel alone, I am here. If you want to make some memories, make them with me. If you want someone to talk to, talk to me. I am willing to be there--”

“I will die too. Just like them. One day, I will just wake up with news from the doctor that I have leukemia. It is meant to be.” His voice is shaking. He is about to burst in tears. His eyes are teary and he is shaking a bit.

“No. You never know what lies ahead of you. As long as there is chance, we can cling on that. Even if it means zero point a thousand zeros before one.” Now I feel some pain on my throat from stopping some emotion from bursting at this moment. “Do you understand me?”

His vulnerable side is slowly taking over him until he already gives it up and shows them to me. He let his tears flow some more. 

The next few days, I stay with him. On the last day, Jethro shows himself with some of our classmates. The funeral service came and we all sent Airo’s brother to his last destination. 

When I arrived at my place, I noticed that the phone received three new messages. I failed to read them the whole week because I didn’t bring it with me.

August 20

04

I heard about Airo’s brother’s suicide. I felt sorry for him so I tried approaching him at school but he doesn’t talk that much. He only came this day to excuse himself for the week and so I decided to go to his house. The gates are locked and no one can enter so I went back home this day. I regret a lot why in the first place, I didn’t try to get close to him. The pain he’s feeling is not that easy and I wanna let him know someone understands. How I wish I know.

August 21

05

I was happy today because I finally talked to him. I heard everything from him. I am the only person there so maybe he has no choice but to release some of his pain to me. But at the same time, sad. The sadness I see from him was the first genuine emotion he ever showed. Wish I could tell him, I am here for him, but I can’t. We are not close and we don’t talk that much. 

August 25

06

I went to the cemetery with him to send his brother to his last resting place. I also tried talking to him but he ignored me. 

Things don't seem to be happening the same as the texts now. Did the sender fail to guess what happens next? Or is it because I did every opposite thing?